Another Wednesday, another hospital appointment.

We had another appointment at the Royal London hospital on Wednesday. It's always stressful as Jacob has to be put to sleep everytime which means he needs to be starved from the night before. This is the first time he wouldn't be having a nighttime feed as we finally managed to get him to drop it and sleep through the night! (WOOHOO!)

I was absolutely dreading this one, but it went so well. He was second down to theatre this time so he went down at what would have been his breakfast time had it been a normal day. This was around the 15th general anaesthetic he's had now. And although it's still truly hideous everytime I have to pin him so they can put the gas mask on him and then lay him down and give him a kiss before they wheel him off for an hour, it does slowly get easier. By no means do I mean it's easy to leave him, I still cry everytime, but it's just becoming such a regular part of ours and his life, that it's routine now. He has started to get smart and know the walk round to theatre, so starts climbing me like a crazed little chimp. But he went to sleep quite easily this time. Collecting him from recovery is always the same, panic and worry and waiting to hear how the tumours are responding in his left eye. I walked in on Wednesday and all four of the recovery nurses just looked at me with this terrifying look. To which I started to absolutely freak out and demand  to know what had happened. But it just turns out it was a trick they seemed to want to play on me. Everything was fine and my little man was still sleeping soundly. With all his monitors beeping away around him. 

He had had more laser treatment to his left eye, but this is also a regular thing now and Mr Sagoo is pleased with its progress. We were out of there by 12pm which is a rarity these days! Jacob just takes it all in his stride, which is so amazing to see, because I am always a wreck. Watching your one year old son go through this every other week is soul destroying. I don't think about it. I just go into auto pilot. You have to do it. It's not your life, it's his. And I am so grateful that he doesn't know what or why this is happening to him. He is truly my little hero. 

Just waiting to go down to theatre, all kitted out in his gown. 

Rocking his sunglasses on the way home. Got to protect that little precious eye from the bright lights! Dilating drops suck!