House of the plague!

So the sleepless nights have continued, Jacob has still been coming into our bed every night. I've come down with whatever Jacob had and it has totally wiped me out. I'm normally quite good at being ill. I'll just get on, but having an ill little one and being ill yourself is SO hard!!! I called in sick to work on Thursday which I hate doing, and I always think I sound like I'm lying and just trying to skive off for the day! But after nearly a week of hardly any sleep and spending all my waking hours coughing and blowing my nose, then wiping Jacobs nose, and cleaning snot up off everything, I just felt horrendous. So when Rich got up on Thursday, we swapped and I went back to bed until 1pm. I can't bear sleeping in, its such a waste of a day but I just had no energy. Jacob finally doesn't mind the taste of Calpol again so he was happily taking his medicine every few hours. We used to have to pin him down and squeeze his cheeks to force him to take it, the neighbours must have wondered what was going on, or trick him and pretend we were giving him his dummy then fire the 5ml of sugary, sticky liquid into his mouth. The syringes you get with kids medicine are brilliant! We've got about thirty, I save them all. The spoon you used to get when I was little was chaos, you'd end up with a sticky face where you'd do anything not to have to take medicine. The only thing I can't get him to take is cough medicine. I've tasted it and it doesn't taste too fabulous. But if I give it to Jacob while he's asleep, he'll take it no problem. So, we are a house with the plague at the moment. Jacobs cough has been made worse from where he was put to sleep on Wednesday. The doctors did say that it was likely but we obviously didn't want to risk not going to his appointment and the tumour had grown. If only we could tell the future! I also cancelled Jacobs last set of immunisations on Friday as he was still a bit poorly and we are going away for the weekend next week which would have been the 7-10 days after when he normally gets a bit ropey. So I thought it was best to put them off.

Jacob has seemed so much better today and has been really funny. I am sure he said "Jacob" today too, Rich heard him too on a separate occasion but when we asked him to say it, he just laughed and walked off. I cannot wait for him to start chatting away. He talks total gibberish at the moment but it is so funny to listen to.
Been a bit of a boring few days as we've been ill so not done very much at all! Hoping for a good nights sleep tonight and that we are all feeling a bit better tomorrow so we can go to Jo Jingles! When you say Jo Jingles to Jacob now he starts clapping and jumping up and down, so fingers crossed (as always) that we get to sleep!!!

 Poorly day painting.

Pancakes for breakfast! 

Feeling very lucky!

Jacobs cough and cold had cleared up quite a lot by Tuesday evening so I didn't feel the need to cancel his appointment. I was so nervous about today, I hardly slept last night. Partly due to nerves and partly due to Jacob coming into our bed at 2am. What have I done?! I really hope its just where he's been poorly. He normally just slips back into his normal routine otherwise I think I'm going to have to get the controlled crying method on the go again! Which I absolutely hate but it always seems to work! We were up at 5.30am this morning so we could leave around six. We always leave Jacob in bed until the last possible second so he doesn't have a chance to wake up and think "where's my milk?!" But as he was in our bed, his beady little eyes opened up the second Rich and me got out of bed! Typical! He was still very dozy so we managed to get ready while he just laid in bed talking to the dog. For the first time, I got all of Jacobs stuff ready the night before. We normally leave it until the morning because I always liked to do it last so I know if I need anything else. And then we always end up being late because I flaff about. So I made all his lunch, got all his clothes and toys and everything ready to go last night. And it was much less stressful this morning.
It was so strange being back at the hospital after six weeks off, it felt like ages but at the same time, only felt like we were last there yesterday. Its weird because you see the same nurses and doctors and staff every time, you get to know them and they get to know you so I was quite looking forward to seeing everyone. Jacob made himself at home straightaway, throwing his ball around and running about like he owned the place. I could tell he was getting hungry because he started to get ever so slightly more grumpy every time he threw his ball and then had to go get it. And then he spotted his lunch bag under the stroller. Total mummy fail. I normally put it straight into the fridge in the ward kitchen but must have just forgotten. He went MENTAL. Absolutely crazed. Just as I was trying to calm him down and explain (pointlessly) why he couldn't eat, the nurses came in and said they were ready for him in theatre. We have never changed him into his gown and ran out of there to theatre quicker!
He was only gone half an hour again which is always a good sign because with treatment, he's normally about an hour. Again, we tried not to get our hopes up. But when the doctors came round and said he was stable again, I just burst into tears. Rich and me had both gone into today thinking he would need treatment so we couldn't believe it when they said he's still stable. We were allowed to go quite quickly after so were out of there by 11 which I think is a record! We are back in six weeks again. So another long break!

He finally got to wear his UGG boots as it was so cold this morning!

I was way too excited about his sticker!

Going home.

Crazy family selfie.

We went to Pets Corner this week with my friend Sarah which is a little petting zoo/farm near where we live. Jacob loves animals and for the first time I let him run around on his own. Although he was just running around not too interested in anything except the ducks and birds. He is so brave, he was just running at the ducks and geese and chickens like they were nothing. I'm terrified of ducks and geese, especially those ones as they're vicious little things! He was going right up to the chicken coop, at one point I thought he was going in! We had our first "I don't want to get back in my stroller" tantrum, the full arched back, kicking legs kind of tantrum. I did win, eventually. I think it was mostly down to him being tired though!

Jacob loves the "That's not my..." book collection, and I think they're brilliant too. They're touch and feel books and there's so many of them! I've become a bit obsessed with buying him them, and Rich said about my obsession to his friends at work, and he came home on Tuesday with a big pile of them that one of his work friends found at a fête over the weekend! My friend Sarah also bought him 3 new ones too, so he has ended up with about 8 new ones this week. It's lucky he doesn't quite "get" presents yet or I may have a spoilt little boy on my hands. Verruca Salt anyone?! 

I think I may have a problem...

Its that time of year...

So this week our whole house has come down with a cold. Which might explain the unhappy boy we had for the beginning of the week. I always feel so guilty if Jacob is going through a fussy or clingy stage for a few days then comes down with something. Especially after I've left him to cry it out or tried the tough love approach. This is why babies should be born with the ability to talk! It would be much more helpful! But then I guess that would take the fun out of it. On Thursday night, I walked round to our shop, and when I say walk, I went REALLY slowly as it had been a long day with Jacob being extremely miserable and not wanting anyone but me. We had run out of calpol and Jacob was getting snottier by the minute, so I was like "I'll go!" As awful as I felt, I just needed five minutes peace. I was stood in the shop armed with calpol, biscuits and diet coke and was just standing staring at the chocolate and the shop assistant looked at me, laughed and said "Can't decide what you want?" And I just laughed and said "nope!" When actually all I wanted to do was cry and say "my little boy has a cold and I don't know what to do!!!!" It's so silly, but Jacobs cancer doesn't actually show any symptoms, he isn't "ill" with it. When he was having chemo he was obviously ill quite alot, but I always knew how to deal with it. Give me a baby with a cold and I'm useless. On Thursday night, Rich slept on the sofa as Jacob wouldn't settle anywhere but in our bed, and as he had work, it made sense for him to sleep downstairs where he would get a decent night's sleep. Jacob was so restless all night, I think I must have had about an hours sleep in total. Jacob was still quite ropey Friday but slept much better that night, he stayed in his own cot until around 4 when he wouldn't settle back off so into our bed he came! Back into that bad habit again! He wouldn't give in and go back to sleep so by 5.45, Rich got up with him so I could get a couple hours sleep. When Rich gets up with him, the minute I appear at the bottom of the stairs, Jacob goes nuts and becomes a mega mummy's boy. (Which I secretly love) So yesterday, he was in extra "need mummy" mode. I literally couldn't get dressed until about 2pm, which I absolutely hate doing. I have to get up, have my cup of tea, get washed and get dressed otherwise it wrecks me for the day. It must be where Jacob gets the routine OCD from! Jacob slept until around 7am this morning which was so much better and it seemed to do him the world of good as he was much much happier. Thank goodness! He didn't even cry when I put him down on the sofa and went to make his milk. He hasn't napped again all morning and just as I was dishing up Sunday lunch, Rich sat with him on the sofa and within about 10 seconds he was asleep! Typical. He took a long time to settle in bed tonight which is unlike him but definitely seemed much better! I'm so glad because we have his check up at The Royal London on Wednesday and they won't see him if he's poorly! I'm so nervous for this check up as six weeks is the longest break we've ever had between appointments. I will obviously be over the moon if he is still stable, but I never go with that expectation because I don't like to set myself up for disappointment. But on the other hand, because he's done so well and not needed treatment for nearly 3 months, I think I'll be gutted if he does need treatment. But you can't plan for these things and you can't tell the future, so as always, we will deal with whatever happens on the day the same way we always do.

He actually ate today! Demanded a banana, so a banana he got! 

 As he was in a good mood, we did some baking. Well Jacob launched cake mix up the walls.

 I'm a terrible baker, so we cheated and used a Peppa Pig box mix! 

Spending quality time with Lex.

4am is the new 7am.

Oh my gosh, I don't think I've been this tired since Jacob was first born. We've recently decided that afternoon naps are no longer necessary (again) and that its completely normal to get up for the day at 4am. He's just gone down for a nap and it's only 8.30, which is going to ruin his whole day now. Yes, I am a routine drill Sargent. Jacob has always had the same sort of routine so if anything changes, it just messes up his whole day. So the 8.30am nap means he will be an absolute grotbag by around 1pm. And if he skips his afternoon nap again, he will be a total sleep deprived monster by bedtime and then we can do it all over again. We have been very lucky with Jacob going down to bed. From around six weeks old, he had a bath, bottle then bed. At first, he went in his Moses basket in our room and we'd leave him to go off on his own, although for the first few nights, I would sit outside our room or peer round the door until he went to sleep. Then he went into his own room at 3 and a half months as he filled his Moses basket and we wanted him to be used to it before his chemo started as we didn't want an upheaval when he would be feeling rubbish anyway. The times obviously changed as he got older and settled more into a routine with feeding and daily naps and bedtime slowly dropped from 10pm to 7pm which it is now. Although last night he went to bed at 6pm as he was so tired. I wish babies understood when you explained to them that if they slept, they wouldn't feel so pooped. Jacob just looks at me like I'm mad when he's throwing a wobbly and I'm stood there going "well Jacob, if you'd have slept or gotten up at a normal time this would be happening right now would it." I just get another scream as a response.
So right now, with the first bit of quiet I've had since 4.45am, I am torn between having a nap, washing my hair or having a cup of tea (as I couldn't drink the first one I made due to my insane little monster refusing to allow me to sit still.)

...So, I opted for all three, and managed to squeeze them all in! Well I didn't really have a nap, just laid on the bed revelling in the silence. And I don't think I've ever enjoyed a cup of tea more in my life. Jacob slept for around two hours, and woke up in a reasonably good mood! We've started going for a walk after his morning nap, just to kill some time really because he normally is quite miserable between his morning nap and lunch. Plus it builds up his appetite a bit! We've had some trouble with him eating since we've been letting him sit at his little table and chairs to eat, he gets up and looses interest quite quickly. He still eats, but just takes a lot longer and then he gets bored. So I think we may go back to the booster seat at the table.
My dad and step mum came over with my little sister this afternoon, and for the first time, I saw Jacob being a bit of a monkey with sharing his toys. My little sister is nearly 3 so she's still learning about sharing too. But Jacob was trying to take everything Katie picked up. And he was not happy when I took it back to Katie. This age is definitely living up to its reputation as "the hard stage." My happy, independent boy has become a miserable clingbot. He woke up from his afternoon nap extremely unhappy and sat on my lap eating his rice cakes through groans and moans. Rich played some ball with him when he got home from work so I could cook dinner, which probably would have proved a mission with Jacob hanging off my leg! I feel like I constantly repeat myself, but I really hope he sleeps better tonight!

We went to Wild & Wacky as usual on Monday and to Jo Jingles. Jacob really enjoyed himself. He climbed around all of the soft play and went up to the slide all by himself which he never normally does. And he stood up and participated in most of Jo Jingles. He was hilarious, just wandering around like he owned the place. 

 The troublesome twosome...

 "Participate" also means "eat the instruments."

 Walking.

 We went to the park on Tuesday to try and burn some energy so Jacob had an afternoon nap. It failed.

 Jacob is obsessed with this tree stump in the woods behind our house. 

Cruising in Jacob's car.

I am arranging a fundraiser for The Childhood Eye Cancer Trust as I couldn't make the Carrots Night walk this year, which we did last year and raised an unbelievable £7000! In all honesty, I just totally forgot to sign up this year which is a bummer because I really wanted to do it as it was quite good fun and I met some amazing people last year. So, to ease my guilt for being useless and forgetting, I have decided to throw a children's Halloween Disco. Originally, I was going to just have a Halloween party at home for my friends and their children, but my friend suggested we turn it into a fundraiser. So since last week, I have been planning that! It's quite stressful but people have been so generous with raffle prizes and donations. Its so lovely to know there are people out there who want to help. I'm sure it will be worth all the stress and worry on the day! And I cannot wait to dress Jacob up in some crazy costume!

Toys R Us Takeover & Happy Birthday Tommy!

After the horrendous start to the week, Jacob seemed back to himself on Wednesday, thank god! He was so good all day, and really funny. He has become such a little character now. It's nuts. It's so hard to believe that he's nearly 16 months and so independent. He's started to say a few more words this week too, a favourite being "touch" as he points to trees and flowers. When we walk Lex, our dog, he just spends his time shouting "touch!" And reaching out for the trees. It does make the dog walk take a little bit longer than usual, but his face when he grabs the leaves is hilarious, so I don't mind!

In December last year, a guy named Alan did a sponsored swim for Jacob. We thought the money would be going to CHECT, but he actually raised the money for Jacob personally which was amazing. So on Thursday, we raided Toys R Us! Jacob ran around like a crazy little toddler, exactly what he should be like in a toy shop! Ever since we found out we were having a boy when I was pregnant, Rich was obsessed with getting our son the Audi R8 battery powered car they've had in Toys R Us for ages. Originally, he wanted to get Jacob an iPad, but I really didn't want him to have one, at least not yet. Or for a couple of years at least! He enjoys being outside and playing with his non-tech toys so much, that I don't want that to stop. Not yet!
So we got him the car, which was for age 3 and up but Rich is determined that he'll have him driving it by the end of next week, (yeah right!) the parking tower to go with his Toot Toot Drivers set, a Henry Hoover so hopefully he doesn't care for mine anymore and a My First Thomas the Tank Engine as he has taken a bit of a shine to Thomas and friends recently! We also got him a plastic table and chairs as he has gotten a bit stressy about being strapped into his booster seat and won't eat much, but now he can sit there and get up and move around as he pleases, he's eaten much better!

Jacobs friend Tommy turned one on the 11th September, so we went to his birthday party on Saturday. It was lovely for all the kids to get together as its quite hard with everyone's schedules. Chloe, Tommy's mum, hired soft play equipment for the kids and it was brilliant! They had this little ride on rollercoaster thing and all the kids loved it. Although Jacob preferred climbing up the slopes as opposed to sitting on the cars. Because of the party time, Jacob missed his afternoon nap but did really well! He totally flaked in the car on the way home but because it was already 5.30, I didn't really want him to nap as he goes to bed at 7pm. NEVER WAKE UP A NAPPING BABY. He was so grumpy! Didn't want his dinner, but ate nearly a whole punnet of strawberries! He went to bed at around 6.45 as he was so grumpy, and woke up at 7.45am this morning! (Obviously a few dummy wake ups!) So he's been super happy this morning, so far! I'm having a dinner date with some of the work girls tonight, so hopefully he's a good boy for Rich! 

 They look like a little bunch of old men! The birthday boy in the middle! 

Jacob and Roman having their party food picnic. 

Where has my son gone?!

Since Sunday, it is like Jacob has been replaced with a different child. He has been so grumpy and clingy and totally of his food (still). He is normally always so happy, but since Sunday afternoon we have had tears and tantrums aplenty. And I am exhausted. He has just gone down for a nap after a slightly better morning than the last 3. We've been up at 5am, throwing milk across the living room, screaming blue murder at the front door because he wants to go out. Bringing me his shoes because he wants to go out and dragging me to the back door because he wants to go out. The only thing I have taken from all of this is that he obviously hates me and wants to move out. He now knows to take my hand and take me to where he wants to go. And if it isn't the front or back door, it's to the cupboard under the stairs where the hoover lives. Because he is totally obsessed with our Hetty the Hoover. But if I turn it on, all hell breaks loose. It has been very hard the last few days, and by no means am I complaining, but we have been quite lucky to have a happy, sociable boy pretty much all of the time. So to have Jacob clinging to my legs and hanging off my tshirt has been quite difficult. I can normally do the washing up or make a cup of tea or clean up after lunch, but the last few days, this has been totally impossible. So my house looks like a bomb has gone off, there is porridge all over the walls, Wotsit dust all over the sofa and juice all over the floor. By the time Rich gets home from work, I am climbing the walls. I haven't even bothered to turn off cbeebies when Jacob finally settles for a nap. I actually went back to sleep yesterday for half an hour because I think I may have cried had I not caught up on a few winks. A few of my friends are having similar troubles with their little ones at the moment and they are all very close in age. So it may be a phase, or it may be a coincidence! Originally I thought it was teething and he had the nice big molar through at the end of last week, and it might still be, but it has certainly been a testing few days. We went to Jo Jingles on Monday as it has now started up again after the school holidays. I was very close to not going as Jacob was so miserable but I thought a change of scenery and some socialising might do him some good. We met my friend John there with Darcie as they are little Jo Jingle's buddies. He was still quite clingy and didn't really go off to play on his own like he normally would, so I spent my time being pulled around by my finger and in the ball pit with him. And let me tell you, there is no glamorous way to climb into the ball pit at Wild & Wacky. Jacob didn't really participate in Jo Jingles except for when the maracas came out. Otherwise he was trying to escape through the door. He did eat all of his lunch though which was the first time he has finished a meal for about a week. He has been totally off his food again, only eating his fruit still. The Innocent smoothies for kids have proven a good buy though, as he has been inhaling them. So that's something! 

 Possibly one of the only (half) smiles from Monday...

Ball pit buddies.

 Grumpy guts in his awesome hoody from Next.

Smoothie monster

We had quite alot of laughs and smiles this morning and he even ate all of his porridge, by himself with a spoon! So I'm hoping Jacob is feeling a bit better now. I did start to panic a bit as he wanted his hand held everytime he walked, that his vision in his left eye may have changed and the tumour has started to grow again and affect it. I'm pretty sure that's just my mind going into overdrive. But when he's normally so happy, I do really worry when he is so unsettled. Everyone just says it's kids and he's just coming into himself and seeing what he can get away with. So I am really hoping that's the case. At 15 months, this is definitely the hardest but also the most fun age so far. He is so so funny at the moment, and doing new things everyday. This morning, he actually drove his Toot Toot Drivers cars around the track and he has also started to try to build his Mega Bloks. I've also started to let him use crayons and we have managed to keep it on the paper so far! Oh, and in his mouth obviously. I freaked out but Rich assured me they are non-toxic. So all I can expect is some multi-coloured nappy contents! 

Another new trick he's learned recently...dunking!

Seaside Saturday

We have had a busy weekend! We spent Saturday at Clacton-on-sea as my mums side of the family (which is huge) all hired caravans for the weekend, so we gatecrashed for the day on Saturday. Jacob slept absolutely terribly on Friday night, he was up at 3am and that was it. Awake for the day. The drive to Clacton was about an hour and a half so we'd arranged to leave at ten which is Jacobs nap time and hoped he would sleep the whole way. He managed to hold out until ten which really surprised me seeing as he was up at 3. Although he was extremely grumpy! He's totally gone off cereal for breakfast too and will only eat his toast or chocolate chip brioche. I bought some of those Innocent Kids smoothies on sunday so hopefully he will like those so I know he's at least getting something good in him in the mornings! I think he's still teething as he has been extra dribbly and the bibbles have come out again! They ruin all of his nice outfits as they don't really match and I don't want to buy loads more as he has so many. Just none seem to match!
We took Jacob to the seafront in Clacton. Its mostly a pebble beach but he absolutely loved it! He kept trying to go into the sea, and loved the water running up over his feet. He was so excited and actually managed to run around on the sand and pebbles. Not bad considering he's only been walking a few weeks! Although he does think he's some kind of Olympic sprinter now so we've had lots of bumps and bruises recently!
We spent most of the afternoon at my mums caravan with all the family and Jacob seemed to really enjoy himself, which was quite surprising with so many people there. He had quite a late night too by the time we left so was quite unsettled most of the night, but he stayed in his own bed all night which was brilliant.

Lou and Aaron asked if they could take Jacob out for a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon. They've looked after him before so I wasn't worried at all. And he loves them so was more than happy to go! Rich and me went to Tesco on our own which was really weird! Jacob came back all ready for a nap after Lou's dad played football with him and he was running around her garden but he decided sleep was not on the cards! He has been so funny with sleeping still and his naps are all over the place. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!!!