A tonne of bricks...

"I'm going to ride a motorbike when I'm bigger!" That was it, a huge tonne of bricks dropping onto my chest. Obviously I didn't tell him that he probably wont. Unless he's a passenger. But even then, I probably wouldn't let him anyway. With "big school" becoming imminent as opposed to next year, or a few years, it's in less than two months, I have started to realise how Jacobs vision is going to start affecting his life more and more. Last night we were talking about our friends little girl who'd been to her school disco, Jacob said "I want to go to a school disco!" I said "Do you? Do you think you'll like it?" And he said "no, it will be too dark and loud. I won't like it." That's 2 heartbreaking realisations in 12 hours. No school discos, no riding a motorbike. What next? Obviously I know none of this is set in stone, and who knows what will be available to Jacob in the future, but for now, they're a no. And it isn't fair. 

Part of me cannot wait for Jacob to start big school, I know he will love it. But the anxiety I feel over him starting makes me want to keep him at home forever. Or at his preschool. Because I love them for how they've treated my baby boy and can't imagine anywhere looking after him the way they do. He got into the school I really wanted which was amazing. He has a huge Education and Healthcare Plan (EHCP) that the school, preschool and Jacobs Visual Impairment teacher put together along with Rich and Me and it covers absolutely everything from starting the day, to coat peg positions to where he will sit in the classroom. So I know they know all they need to know. And once Jacob starts, they will see his isn't what he seems on paper. On paper, I think he can be absolutely daunting. It isn't until you meet him that you realise how he doesn't actually let his sight or lack of, affect him. 

I know it's been a LONG time since I last wrote, Jacob is still stable. Our hospital appointments are 3 monthly at the moment and hopefully will only get further apart. We've had some behaviour troubles with Jacob but I think it's down to all the change going on, leaving school, starting big school. Alba is a lot more "involved" now so he absolutely tortures her and has become very protective of all of his stuff. Another tricky phase in life with two toddlers I'm sure. They have brief moments where they're the best of friends and it's absolutely lovely. But they are few and far between. We've also had chicken pox since the last post, but they both coped really well with it. Thank goodness! I will write again soon! 

A few photos from recently; 

Cousins and heatwaves.

After the amazing news on Wednesday, I woke up still smiling Thursday morning. I work Thursdays for a few hours every week. Just so I have some grown up time really. I absolutely hate leaving Jacob, even if it is only for 4 hours. I just love being at home with him. I dread going into work. Once I'm there, I'm fine. There's still a few of the team that were there before I went on mat leave, and it's like old times when I work with them so I feel like me again for a little while. Not mummy Char. Getting out the door for work is always chaos, no matter what time I start. I have always been a bit of a flapper and need to pee ten million times before I leave the house. My mum said when I was a kid, if the house was on fire she's sure I would have to pee before getting out. I like to make sure everything is sorted for Jacob for the day, no matter who is looking after him. It's normally Rich but now and again my sister Sophie will have him. She's got my nephew, Teddy who's 3 so I really love it when she has him because it's more kid time for Jacob. They're hilarious together. We are currently battling "learning to share." When we found out we were having a boy, my brother in law Ross was so excited for Teddy to be getting a little boy cousin. So they'd grow up more like friends. There's 2 years and 2 days between them. We all lived in fear around Teddy's birthday party that I was going to go into labour, but he held off for 3 days. Luckily! I don't think Sophie would have let me live it down if I'd had him on Teddys birthday! We were all a bit nervous when Teddy was to meet Jacob as he had always had all of my attention, and to be honest, I did love to spoil him. I'd get in trouble all the time for buying him presents. It's obviously slowed down since Jacob was born as maternity leave didn't pay quite as well as full time work! Teddy looked so confused when he came to meet Jacob in hospital. And I think it was a little bit tough for him to have to "share" me. But because Jacob is now interacting more, Teddy enjoys him so much. We can leave them to play together now. He really looks after him and I absolutely love it. He knows about Jacobs eye too. We didn't really teach him, but it shows how much kids take in. He used to say "Jacob's eye poorly." And point to him. And if I show him one of Jacobs artificial eyes and ask him what it is, he goes "Jacobs eye!" And then puts it over his own eye. Which he finds absolutely hilarious. I'm really glad they've got each other growing up. And because we see each other so often, they'll probably be more like brothers, causing havoc as little rogue teenagers!!! I'm sure I'll have parents knocking at the door when they're a bit older telling me they've done something or another. I really hope that doesn't happen though!

Teddy & Jacob, Day 5. 💙

Yes, we dress them in matching outfits!

Feeding the duckies. 

Like most parents, I absolutely dread it being this hot. I love it but it just makes normally happy babies turn into miserable, sleepy little bags of grumpiness. And sleep normally goes out the window. It was nearly 35 degrees where we live yesterday. And it was so uncomfortable. Even for a heat fiend like me. I had everything out in the garden, paddling pool, water table, tunnels, slides, the lot. Half of my garden stays shaded for most of the day so Jacob can still enjoy being outside. I'm a bit obsessive with the sun cream though, reapplying his factor 50 every half an hour. Which was a massive fail as it made his eczema flare up like crazy. Excellent parenting choice! Although I'd rather he wasn't at risk of getting burnt. Jacob wasn't too bad in the heat yesterday, although he has a massive fear of his paddling pool. Which is weird as he absolutely loves the bath! Towards the end of the day, the water in his water table was so warm, I turned round to find him trying to climb into it. The kid obviously needs a hot tub! 

I don't know about anyone else, but eating seems to go out the window when it's this hot too. He is normally a brilliant eater, but yesterday it seemed food was not his friend. The only thing he seemed to really want was these "Suckies" yoghurt pouches. I think he ate about 4 by the end of the day! Everything else he fed to the dog. Naturally, I dreaded bedtime. His room was nearly 30 degrees (thanks Gro-Egg!) and he's a very warm baby anyway. Someone said the best thing is a cool bath before bed and put him to bed in just a nappy. So I did this, expecting an extreme kick up once he was in the cot. But no, straight to sleep he went. Thinking it was too good to be true, I clock watched for about 3 hours, no wake ups. He slept through until 5.30am! Could not believe it. He rarely sleeps through anyway, so I really expected a bad night with the heat. Saturday is my lay in day too, Rich gets up with him on a Saturday morning, so today I feel much more refreshed than normal. So I recommend a cool bath, just a nappy and clock watching on a night like last night! Seems to do the trick. (I'm sure I won't be saying this tomorrow morning because it was actually just a coincidence!) It is still so muggy today but I'm hoping Jacob isn't too much of a grump today. He is napping at the moment and after last nights storm, the garden is soaked so it looks like a Frozen marathon is happening today. Again. 

 Homemade hot tub.

Have a good weekend!