A tough few weeks.

I was no way prepared for how tough the last intra-arterial chemo aftermath was going to be. When we were discharged from hospital on the Wednesday, I thought "Yes! All done, my little beast can get back to normal." But I was wrong. Since the Thursday, so nearly 3 weeks ago, Jacob's vision has quickly deteriorated to almost nothing. We've had so many bumps to the head, I've lost count. The worst being Jacob riding full speed on his scuttlebug into a concrete post outside our house. He's got a lovely, big graze on his forehead as a souvenir for that one. He screamed nursery down when I dropped him off on the Monday after. And he has NEVER cried. Why is it you feel like the worst mother ever when that happens? Anyway, he woke up on the Tuesday even worse so I kept him home for the day. Rich took a days holiday from work to stay home and help me as Jacob needs constant supervision. He still thinks he can run around like usual. His vision was poor after the first cycle, not the second, so I thought this would be a breeze. Nope. It's just heartbreaking to watch him feeling his way around. His depth perception has gone, so he's missing steps and kerbs too. If I could give him my eyes, I would in a flash. I spoke to his nurses at The Royal London Hospital and they've said just to keep and eye on him and it should slowly return to normal but after it wasn't improving, they pulled his appointment forward a week to last Wednesday. I felt sick with nerves the whole time, he was back from theatre quite quickly and wasn't too distressed which is always good. The doctor finally came to see us about 3 hours later, and said that Jacob's optic nerve is extremely swollen and he has alot of blood spots in his eye. They injected him with yellow dye to see how the blood flowed and it was quite restricted in his eye which means there isn't alot of oxygen getting to the muscles, making his vision bad as the eye can't work how it's supposed to. Jacob was an interesting shade when he came back around, and it wasn't until the doctor told us that we realised that was why! So, again we were told we will just have to wait and see what happens with Jacob's eye. The good news is that the tumour has responded "beautifully" to the IAC! Which is amazing. Fingers crossed that'll be the end of the horrible, little thing!

Jacobs consultant decided that Jacob should have a course of steroids to hopefully help speed up recovery on his eye. He is meant to have them for a week after IAC but it was in liquid form and we couldn't get him to take it no matter how much bribing we did. So they prescribed pills which we could crush up and put into anything. So, Jacob's been having 3 fruit shoots a day. Not the best but if it helps his eye recover quickly, I can deal with the rotting teeth after! I have managed to start putting his morning dose into his cereal which is great. We were told he would probably behave a bit wacky and have a crazy appetite with the steroids. Well, wacky doesn't even cover it. He has become a completely different child. He has not stopped crying, wanting to be carried everywhere and only by Rich. If I even touch him, he goes absolutely bananas. I think we've had about two smiles out of him in the last two weeks. It's absolutely breaking my heart to see him this way, and I keep having moments where I just cry. There's nothing we can do to make him feel better. Rich is back to work tomorrow and I am so nervous for the week ahead. I hate that I can't comfort him, and I hate that he doesn't want me to either. All I hope is that he goes back to the happy, cheeky little boy I had before all of this.

Jacob was 3 last Sunday. THREE! I can't believe it. He had an okay day, not like he would have if his vision was 100% but it was still nice. He asked for a roast dinner for dinner, Rich was very pleased! So we had family over and all had dinner and cake together. He got totally spoilt. Him and Alba had a joint party yesterday as she is one on Saturday. (Don't even get me started on that one, I've been an emotional wreck about that too.) Jacob had an okay time, he was glad to see some of his friends and they all played on his new trampoline. He got a bit overwhelmed which I expected, and he was absolutely shattered after and flaked on the sofa.

Today has been really tough again. I feel awful for Rich as he has had to take Jacob absolutely everywhere with him, to get a drink, to the toilet! It's insane. It was so draining for me when Rich wasn't home last week, and he's even worse this week so I dread to think how he feels. We have tried to leave Jacob to cry it out a little bit, but he gets in such a state and then Alba gets really upset. So we are just doing everything we can to try and keep him calm. Another side effect is that his appetite has increased, ALOT. The food that boy is shovelling away is crazy! I had to go to Tesco today to stock up on pretty much everything as he just hasn't stopped eating! I shouldn't complain as getting food into him is such a challenge. He is on these tablets until Friday, and I cannot wait for them to be out of his system and hopefully get back to normal. I miss my happy boy.

Round two.

Intra-arterial chemo number two is done. After being delayed by three weeks, Jacob finally had it this Wednesday. He had a throat infection three weeks ago which delayed his EUA by a week, then there wasn't a slot on the next week at GOSH, so it was pushed to this week. Lots of messing around and chopping and changing Rich's days off etc. But we got there in the end. Not without some drama along the way... Jacob got a nasty fever at the beginning of last week and it didn't want to come down, so we were admitted to our local hospital. They wanted to make sure he was well for Wednesday so started IV antibiotics as a precaution. We ended up staying for three nights, then Jacob was sent home with his cannulla still in and we had to go back for IV antibiotics for the next two mornings. The worst thing now is that Jacob is so traumatised from a blood test he had done at our local hospital that was not done how he is used to, and by an extremely "not child friendly" doctor, he becomes a screaming, squirming mess. We haven't seen the same doctor since but I was so rude to her that I think she would probably avoid me anyway. Don't get me wrong, we are extremely lucky to have the NHS, but when you have been going through this with your kid for nearly three years, you know what's going to work for him and what isn't. And pinning him down and telling a poor student nurse to squeeze his hand until it turns purple isn't going to work. It was awful. And when Jacob screams "please mummy, no bloods! Please!" like he is being tortured, well, you are going to have a few things to say. Other than the needles, Jacob was brilliant and actually thought he was on a bit of a holiday. All he wanted to do was go down to the hospital restaurant! The doctors couldn't actually find a cause for his fever as all of his bloods came back clear but at least he was well for his hospital appointment.

                  

They have a sensory room at our local hospital which is fab and it kept Alba happy for ages!

At Jacob's EUA two weeks ago, we got the news that the tumour has responded really well to the first round of treatment which is amazing! And after the first lot, we knew what to expect so went in Wednesday morning feeling a bit more prepared. With the intra-arterial chemotherapy, the children can sometimes has a reaction to the drug on the second course of treatment, the doctors do not know why or why it is the second one when it usually happens but their blood pressure can drop very quickly and they need adrenaline. It happens to around 40% of children. And of course Jacob was in that 40%. It is so so scary when you think of what could actually happen, but the doctors are so prepared for it now that they can see the signs before the blood pressure starts to drop and react quickly. He was so spaced out when he came round, no tears, no screaming, just very drowsy. It absolutely breaks my heart to see him like it, mainly because he just looks so cute and relaxed, and also because it shows what he's been through. How exhausting it must be for him. How rubbish he must feel when he wakes from his "special sleeps." After his 4 hour bedrest, we made our way home. Which again, was rush hour on the tube. We had to wait 45 minutes for a train that we could even fit on. Commuters are animals! I got trampled on and shoved so much. It honestly baffles me how people do it every single day. I don't think there is enough money in the world to make me do that everyday.

Jacob was sick again today, which confirms that the last time definatly wasn't a coincidence. It's so unusual apparently but I will definatly be giving his nurses a call on Monday.

Jacob finally got his new eye from Moorfields last week too. And oh my goodness, it is amazing. I am so impressed with them. I actually cried when it was put in. It looks so real!!! 

Not the best photo, but getting a toddler to pose for a picture isn't the easiest of tasks!

Since I last wrote, I've also gone back to work at Topshop! I'm only working four hours on a Saturday morning, but it's a lovely little break for me and I get my staff discount again which I can't complain about! I absolutely loved my job as Visual Merchandiser before I left to have Jacob and would absolutely love to return to it one day.

Oh, one more thing, Alba has started to take steps! My life is about to get alot more stressful, like I need that!!!

Back at it.

Jacob had another check up on Wednesday where we received the news that the stubborn little tumour in his left eye isn't giving up and the retinal detachment isn't getting any better so he will need further treatment. As cryotherapy is no longer an option due to the damage it is causing to his eye, they are going to try either the radioactive plaque, which we knew was an option. Or intra-arterial chemotherapy. That nasty little C word again. There's alot of those isn't there!? There are a few side effects with IAC, not as many as regular chemotherapy but still. IAC is when a catheter is inserted through a vein in the groin and fed up into the affected eye. The vein can collapse or spasm which stops the catheter going in and therefore the procedure will be cancelled and then they try again maybe the following week. It can also cause Jacobs blood pressure to drop very quickly and then they require adrenaline. Which is the scariest part for me and why I am leaning much more towards the plaque. They can also lose their lashes, eyebrow and sometimes some hair at the front and it can cause their eyelid to temporarily droop but again, it is so different for everyone. I had totally prepared myself for the possibility of the plaque so when Jacobs consultant said this, I wasn't overly shocked. It was when the chemo was mentioned again that I panicked. We don't find out until Monday afternoon what they've decided will be the best course of treatment. I have tried not to think about it too much. Plus the babies and me all have a rotten cough and cold so we've been tackling that. Alba has slept through the night the last two nights though and I'm hoping it isn't because she is poorly. Jacob has also stayed in his bed all night too. He normally ends up in with us and he started demanding to lay on the outside of the bed on my pillow which is fabulous. I'll be wishing for sleepless nights again when they grow up and dont want to cuddle me.

It's been a while...

I've started writing about 20 blog posts and never get round to finishing them. So thought I'd better give it another go. New year and all!!

Soooo much has happened since I last wrote. The weather has gone from beautiful heat to bloody freezing! Alba is now an official crawling, jabbering, food throwing little person. Jacob is in nursery for 3 afternoons a week and has developed the attitude of a highly emotional teenager. And I've cut all of my hair off as loads of it fell out anyway. Oh post partum hair loss I love you. Oh, and I turned 30, but no need to talk about that.

Alba is now 7 and a half months old. She started crawling at the beginning of December and has been unstoppable since! I started weaning her quite early as her reflux was awful even with dairy free milk and medicines. It did reduce the amount of sick she was decorating the house and her clothes with so that was great. I changed her back to Aptamil follow on milk around a month ago as she was switched to the second stage dairy free milk and was projectile vomiting whole bottles so something in it didn't agree with her. I am absolutely loving weaning with her. I am a bit more carefree about what she eats compared to how I was with Jacob. Mostly because its sometimes easier for her and Jacob to have the same thing. So she has had nuggets and alphabites waaaaay before Jacob did! Oh and a few chocolate buttons here and there. *insert hands over eyes emoji here* She absolutely loves avocado and cheese which is great. Although I have noticed she's a bit of a lazy eater. I will offer her something and she will just hold her mouth open for me to hold it while she chews as opposed to holding it herself. She has her two bottom teeth already too.

Jacob started nursery in October and he loves it! I really thought I was going to have so much trouble with him going and settling in well. But his nursery are fantastic and he did about 4 weeks worth of settling in sessions which slowly increased in length until he started properly. He does 1-5 three afternoons a week. He is absolutely shattered by the time he gets home but that doesn't stop him waking up at crazy o clock and climbing into our bed! Both babies sleeping is very up and down but that's probably a whole other blog post. Ha. Jacobs speech has come along so much and you can have full conversations with him and there is very rarely something he says that I don't understand. AND...he is wearing PANTS!!! Only in the day and we are still having a fair few accidents but we are certainly getting there. He refused to use the potty at home but did at nursery to which I was obviously like "well we are doing this at home!!" It took a while but one day it just clicked. I did slow down over Christmas as it was obviously very chaotic but when the new year started he asked to wear pants and that was that. He's so tiny though, I had a nightmare finding some to fit him, but luckily Asda start their pants at 12-18 months which fit my little string bean fine.

Christmas was amazing, we stayed at home just us four, which was very calm but with Alba on the move too, I wanted to stay quite chilled out and not have to worry about chasing her around too much or her being trampled by the family. Haha. The kids got absolutely spoiled and I am still trying to find homes for the piles of toys. Very stressful when I hate clutter and mess.  

Two days before Christmas, Jacob had a check up at The Royal London Hospital, and unfortunately his tumour had relapsed again which was absolutely gutting. He had more cryotherapy and a nice sore eye in time for Christmas. He didn't let it hold him back though. He still had an amazing time and was so excited when he woke Christmas morning and "Father Pissmass" had been! We were back at RLH two weeks later and the tumour had responded well so no more treatment was required but the previous treatment had made his retina detach slightly so we are back on Wednesday to check that it's reattached and to hope the tumour has stayed stable. If not, he will be having a radioactive plaque as his next line of treatment as all of the cryotherapy has started damaging his eye and its too risky to carry on as he only has the one. I'll write more about that if it happens. But obviously fingers crossed it doesn't.

I could write and write with everything we've been upto the last six months but I'll be here forever. I plan on writing a bit more regularly again now. Plus Rich keeps shouting at me too as well. So keep popping back!

Here's a few pictures of what we've been upto recently... Although if you follow me on Instagram, you've probably already seen them!

So I thought I'd do this which actually shows how much of a crap blogger I am...the left is August, when I last wrote a blog and the right is now. Growing up so fast!

I say let's not talk about turning 30, but I actually had the most amazing birthday weekend and was thoroughly spoilt.

A few from Christmas: 

Jacob was given tickets for Disney on Ice at the O2. It was absolutely amazing! 

2 years.

Wow the last year has gone quick. Jacob had only just started walking this time last year. I was about to become pregnant. And Jacob was stable. So much has happened and although Jacob is back to having treatment, I know in another year from now things will probably be completely different again. Jacobs check up last week was a tough one again. He was an absolute sobbing wreck when I collected him from recovery after his EUA. The one good thing that happened this time was Jacob had fallen asleep before his turn to go down to theatre as he was second to last this time. He has never been that far down the list so I knew it was going to be hard. As soon as we got in the car in the morning, he was asking for a banana. He has a banana as soon as he gets up every single morning. Then when we got to the hospital, he was asking for juice. We managed to keep him entertained most of the morning with a ball, and we got to see Skylah again, who we met during chemotherapy. So they played together all morning, which was lovely. Jacob dosed off just before he was called to theatre so I carried him down as carefully as I could so he didn't wake. He jumped when they put the mask on him but then went straight back off to sleep. It was so much nicer than the crazed animal climbing all over me session we usually have. Jacobs consultant came to see pretty quick afterwards and explained he needed to give Jacob alot more cryotherapy as there is a little bulge on the tumour and it hadn't responded as well as they'd hoped. Absolutely gutted again, but it's just another bump in our road. It's so awful seeing Jacob in pain. He's older now and just cries so much more and is so much more aware of everything. The nurses could see he was clearly struggling to manage, so they gave him some oralmorph. Which totally wiped him out. He slept for about three hours and we aren't allowed to take him home until he is awake and has eaten and drank something. We ended up getting home around 4.30pm. My sister looked after Alba which was brilliant so Jacob had Rich and me all to himself at the hospital. And it was definitely a two person job this time, I was incapacitated under a sleeping toddler so Rich was my slave haha. I really missed Alba though, I've never left her for that long but she was in good hands! Plus, my nephew adores her so I knew she'd be okay. He constantly says "hello baby girl!" to her. He was devastated when he first met her and she wasn't Spiderman. We'd told him I was having a Spiderman baby and when he saw her he said "Char Char, I thought you were having a Spiderman baby?" I've never felt worse for lying to a child.
The distraction of Teddy meant Jacob wasn't quite so emotional that night or the next day as they came over to keep him entertained. I'm not good enough anymore. Jacob just says "I want to see Teddy!"

 Jacob and Skylah-Mae sightseeing.

Sleepy boy. 

Last week also marked the two year "anniversary" of Jacob's diagnosis. I absolutely dread it. It's also Rich's birthday on the same day, so I spent more time trying to think about that. We made birthday cards for him and I managed to get a painted footprint from Alba! Although Jacob saw this as a pass to paint her himself. I managed to stop him before any paint made it onto her, but stopping him from running around covered head to toe in paint and wielding a pot of red paint proved impossible. So I gave up and let him get on with it. It's washable paint, so I'd deal with it later! Jacob refused to wear clothes for the rest of the day. Another thing I dealt with later.

I've been trying to teach Jacob how to count for a while now but he just is not interested. I've always counted when carrying him down the stairs or if we are out and about, he just does not care for it. He says "1, 2, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6." I'm sure he will get it eventually. I remember helping teach Teddy to count using those foam number mats. But Jacob would rather throw the mats around than count. Any tips?! He has really come along with his speech though which is brilliant. He can say so many things now, asks for his lunch, tells me what he wants, tells me when something's wrong. It makes this parenting thing so much easier! He's due his two year check soon which I'm looking forward to. Our health visitor Claire is amazing and has given me some brilliant advice over the last two years. And she was there on the phone straight away when Alba was born and came round to see us. I rang her so many times in Alba's first few weeks when we were dealing with the reflux/colic issues and she was always one step ahead of me, ready with the prescription for her milk or booking a doctors appointment for her. Alba is due to be weighed this week, I'm so intrigued as to what she weighs now as she was 12lbs5oz 4 weeks ago and she has definitely grown a lot since then. She's officially in 0-3 month clothing which Jacob didn't wear until he was around 6 months. And size 3 nappies! Jacobs only in size 5's! It amazes me how different babies they both are. Both in looks and how they are. Obviously I know it was a different situation with Jacob as he was poorly and had trouble gaining weight but I think he would have been little anyway. I was a total bag of bones until I was about 12. Then the carbs found me. Haha. I've noticed how different Alba is with holding herself and her head up. It must be that extra chunk helping her out! Another big difference, actually HUGE, is Alba sleeps through the night! She has her last bottle normally between 8pm & 9pm and then sleeps until around 6. Not every night is like this and she has had a few where she's woken up and wanted feeding, but this is absolutely amazing regardless. I think every mum will agree that you don't ever feel like you will get a full nights sleep again when you've had a baby, but hopefully soon these nighttime wake up calls will be a thing of the past!

A few pics of what we've been up to recently...

We went to a couple of fun days in our local park with Jacobs friend Darcie. (Her mum is actually one of my friends but I don't think that counts after the kids are friends...haha.) 

 Not a great photo, but this was the red paint fiasco...

 Big girl napping in her cot. (Which Rich finally built after me nagging for 3 weeks!)

 Chalk and Cheese. How cool is Jacob's T-shirt?! Its from Next.

Cheeky chops.

A bump in the road...

Jacob had his check up at the Royal London Hospital today. As the title says, it wasn't as positive as we hoped. He was first down to theatre and gone a bit longer than usual so I had a feeling he would be having treatment. He was totally inconsolable when I collected him from recovery and was this way for around half an hour. Normally he's quite settled, has a drink then inhales his ten million different foods. He came back from theatre around 9.30 and didn't eat or drink a thing until nearly 12. Definitely not like him.
Mr Sagoo, Jacob's consultant didn't come to give us the results until about 12.30 which is the longest we've had go wait for a while! And even though I suspected it, when he said the tumour in Jacobs left eye has become active again on one side, I just cried. Except this time Jacob knew I was upset, it's been a year since he had treatment and before that it was so run of the mill that I didn't really get upset as we were so used to it with our two weekly visits! We were absolutely gutted. I knew it would probably happen at some point but it still doesn't make it any easier. Jacob had cryotherapy which freezes the cancer cells, he will probably have 2/3 rounds of this every 3 weeks for the next couple of visits. So we are back to 3 weekly trips as opposed to 3 monthly! His consultant thinks that the cryo should get it back under control but it will probably be quite a while before we have a nice gap between appointments again! Jacobs eye is quite puffy and sore and he was very quiet last night. He woke sobbing around 10pm so he came into our bed. I've become a complete serial co sleeper. Oh well! They're only little for a short time!
We finally got to see one of the families we met while Jacob was going through chemo yesterday. Skylah is a little girl who is just four days younger than Jacob and they were diagnosed around the same time and we got to know each other as they had chemo together. That's a story for when they're older! But we haven't seen each other since before I was pregnant so it was lovely to catch up. She is still having regular treatment but is a total superstar. She reminded me so much of Jacob, the way she just gets on with it. They're back at the hospital in 3 weeks too so am looking forward to seeing them again. Although Jacob clung to me for dear life and didn't want to play, so hopefully he will be a bit more cooperative next time!

We also discovered that Jacob hasn't put any weight on in around 6 months, he isn't worryingly underweight but he should still be putting it on. Alot of it is probably how active he is, and he's never been a meal eater as such, more of a grazer. But the kid certainly eats ALOT. So we've been told to fatten everything up! Cheese, cream in mashed potato, white bread and pasta. More calorific foods. You can't win! He eats so well and has always eaten lots of fruit and veg and he isn't really a fan of naughty dinners such as chicken nuggets and chips so I've got to start trying to fatten him up! Well not fatten, but ensure he is getting enough calories! I'll be putting cheese on everything!!!

 Sleepy boy!

His little post theatre setup with all of his favourte foods.

Jacob is due some eye drops, so I'm off for a battle with him! Thanks for reading! :)

Our first sickness bug!

It's been a busy few weeks, not with anything in particular, just those times when every day seems to fly by! Jacob had a check up at the Royal London Hospital last week, and he was stable again! I'd had a really bad feeling (like always) that he'd need treatment but he's still fighting those nasty cancer cells off! He was so good again after coming round from theatre. He just inhales a whole bottle of water and a punnet of blueberries every time. Then continues to eat everything in sight for about an hour. The nurses find him hilarious as a lot of the children are very grumpy when they come round, understandably of course. But he just sits there eating. We took the iPad with us too so he was well set up for the morning! Although his new favourite is Finding Nemo, and we haven't put that onto the iPad yet! We are still waiting for Jacobs new artificial eye, which seems like its been forever. They finally called yesterday and he is getting it next week! His current one is so small, he keeps turning it round and it has been so weepy where its building up gunk. Lovely I know! I'll post a before and after pic next week. Hopefully he sits well and let's Sylvia take it in and out this time. He was not happy with being messed about with last time.

Jacob has started to say so many new words, in the last month or so his speech really seems to have come along. And he understands pretty much everything you say to him now. Especially the word "sweets." He says "seets?!" I wouldn't mind but I don't let him have chocolate too often and is usually after dinner if he does get anything. Although I've managed to make him think that raisins and these organic real fruit jelly things are sweets, so that's good! He also thinks Soreen malt loaf is cake. He looks like he's won the lottery when he gets real cake. The kid doesn't need sugar to give him energy, he's like a little Duracell bunny! The most impressive new thing he has been saying is "I wanna go in the car" and "I wanna go outside" He knows what car is and says that a lot on its own, but the "I wanna go" part is more of a sound I think. But it is hilarious because the second he opens his eyes in the morning or after a nap, it's all he says.

We've also had to start doing "The Naughty Step". I really like this as I am totally against punishing a child through smacking. And most of Jacobs naughty behaviour involves him smacking or hitting someone he shouldn't. Mostly, its the dog getting a pasting. So I don't see how punishing smacking with the same thing would ever work. Everyone is different obviously but I remember getting a good few sore backsides when I was younger and it never stopped me, it just made me misbehave, then run with my legs about ten feet in front of my body with my bum tucked underneath me as far as I could get it. Jacob however, also thinks the naughty step is fun. The first time he went on it he got up straight away, I didn't put him back, but when he went back to whatever mischief he was doing, then he went back to it. This only happened twice before he lost interest in being a rogue. The next time, after hitting the dog over the head with his Henry Hoover, he sat there for about 30 seconds maybe, I asked "are you going to be nice?" To which he said yes, so I said "come say sorry to Lex, (the dog)" so he came over, gave Lex a cuddle and kiss and I felt like I'd won. Until he slapped me round the face, laughed, and went and sat himself back on the naughty step. I couldn't help but laugh behind a pillow. I think it's going to take some practice.

We went to one of our friends little girls birthday party on Saturday, it was in Eastbourne and we'd planned on spending the whole day there and going to the seaside, but it was so cold that we avoided that! Jacob slept nearly the whole way there which was great as he was full of beans when we arrived. I'd expected him to be really clingy and not go off and run around with the other children. But after about ten minutes, he was off! It was so lovely to see him just toddling around, kicking balloons and having fun. He sometimes stands there just watching everyone and you can see he is just taking it all in. He must have been exhausted from all the running around as he fell asleep as soon as we got into the car to drive home with his hands in his Happy Meal box clinging onto a chicken nugget! We just grabbed him one as it was easy for him to eat in the car and he'd been picking at food all afternoon anyway. He isn't a huge happy meal fan and I've gone off McDonalds since the beginning of my pregnancy, so they are a rarity in our house these days. He fell asleep around six and we managed to get him in, changed and into bed without him waking up and he slept until 7.45 the next day. Not uninterrupted of course, but that was a good stretch for him!

He wasn't quite himself all day Sunday, and the same on Monday. Off his food and very clingy. And cuddly. And I rarely get cuddles from this boy so I knew something was up. And at 5pm on Monday, that "up" was projectile vomit. Now, if you know me, you know I do not cope well with sick. I can't even talk about it without heaving (which I'm currently doing). But apparently, when its your child, you block out that fear. Don't get me wrong, I was still a state and wanted to heave my insides out, but the fear in Jacobs face was so much worse. He honestly looked petrified and didn't have a clue what was happening. I was absolutely covered in a lovely grape and rusk concoction but the quivering little wreck that was hanging on to me for dear life was way more important. I went into germ killer overdrive, Jacob was stripped and washed, the bed was stripped and put on the hottest wash I could get it on, and all dummies and drink cups were sterilised and I had the Dettol out and ready for any more explosions. Except there wasn't any, that night anyways, Jacob didn't want to eat anything and climbed into bed without a bedtime story which is very unlike him. He slept surprisingly well, I laid there awake nearly all night waiting for the next lot. He woke up asking for breakfast so I gave him some porridge which he practically inhaled where he must have been starving, but within ten minutes, it all came back up. Now this time, because Rich took Jacob and was dealing with him, it was just me and the reversed porridge. I didn't do well. That blocking out didn't happen. My eyes were hanging out of my head by the end of it.
This all happened at the worst possible time too as one of my friends was getting married yesterday and Jacob was spending the day with my brother and his girlfriend. I didn't want to leave him but he managed to keep down some plain biscotti and ready salted crisps (that's what he wanted?!) and seemed to perk up, so Rich missed the ceremony and came for the evening as by then Jacob seemed pretty much back to normal. He slept so well last night too which was great because I was exhausted from the no sleep the night before, to spending the whole day in heels, (my toes are like little swollen cocktail sausages today.) He woke up this morning pretty much his usual self and ate 3 bowls of dry cheerios. So fingers crossed the bug has left the building! It was so horrible seeing him so subdued. Quiet, but horrible! It made me really miss the chaos!

On the pregnancy front, I have been nesting like crazy. Everything is organised, rubbish thrown out, garden cleared and all the toys and trampoline all cleaned. I am starting to feel a bit more prepared now. However, at my 28 week midwife appointment, she said that Lady Wright is growing nicely and "isn't a tiddler". She said don't worry she isn't big! But this has still terrified me. So many people have said how big the bump is too! I am definitely carrying a lot higher up this time, so it may just " look" bigger. I hope so!

Oh, the last thing, Rich has caught Jacobs bug. In fact, it's actually wiped out my brother, his girlfriend and half of her family too! Not good. I am so hoping I don't catch it. I am pathetic when I'm sick. We (I) had planned a little trip to Mothercare today but I don't think that will be happening! I think Rich planned it that way... ;)

A few other pics from the last few weeks...