4am is the new 7am.

Oh my gosh, I don't think I've been this tired since Jacob was first born. We've recently decided that afternoon naps are no longer necessary (again) and that its completely normal to get up for the day at 4am. He's just gone down for a nap and it's only 8.30, which is going to ruin his whole day now. Yes, I am a routine drill Sargent. Jacob has always had the same sort of routine so if anything changes, it just messes up his whole day. So the 8.30am nap means he will be an absolute grotbag by around 1pm. And if he skips his afternoon nap again, he will be a total sleep deprived monster by bedtime and then we can do it all over again. We have been very lucky with Jacob going down to bed. From around six weeks old, he had a bath, bottle then bed. At first, he went in his Moses basket in our room and we'd leave him to go off on his own, although for the first few nights, I would sit outside our room or peer round the door until he went to sleep. Then he went into his own room at 3 and a half months as he filled his Moses basket and we wanted him to be used to it before his chemo started as we didn't want an upheaval when he would be feeling rubbish anyway. The times obviously changed as he got older and settled more into a routine with feeding and daily naps and bedtime slowly dropped from 10pm to 7pm which it is now. Although last night he went to bed at 6pm as he was so tired. I wish babies understood when you explained to them that if they slept, they wouldn't feel so pooped. Jacob just looks at me like I'm mad when he's throwing a wobbly and I'm stood there going "well Jacob, if you'd have slept or gotten up at a normal time this would be happening right now would it." I just get another scream as a response.
So right now, with the first bit of quiet I've had since 4.45am, I am torn between having a nap, washing my hair or having a cup of tea (as I couldn't drink the first one I made due to my insane little monster refusing to allow me to sit still.)

...So, I opted for all three, and managed to squeeze them all in! Well I didn't really have a nap, just laid on the bed revelling in the silence. And I don't think I've ever enjoyed a cup of tea more in my life. Jacob slept for around two hours, and woke up in a reasonably good mood! We've started going for a walk after his morning nap, just to kill some time really because he normally is quite miserable between his morning nap and lunch. Plus it builds up his appetite a bit! We've had some trouble with him eating since we've been letting him sit at his little table and chairs to eat, he gets up and looses interest quite quickly. He still eats, but just takes a lot longer and then he gets bored. So I think we may go back to the booster seat at the table.
My dad and step mum came over with my little sister this afternoon, and for the first time, I saw Jacob being a bit of a monkey with sharing his toys. My little sister is nearly 3 so she's still learning about sharing too. But Jacob was trying to take everything Katie picked up. And he was not happy when I took it back to Katie. This age is definitely living up to its reputation as "the hard stage." My happy, independent boy has become a miserable clingbot. He woke up from his afternoon nap extremely unhappy and sat on my lap eating his rice cakes through groans and moans. Rich played some ball with him when he got home from work so I could cook dinner, which probably would have proved a mission with Jacob hanging off my leg! I feel like I constantly repeat myself, but I really hope he sleeps better tonight!

We went to Wild & Wacky as usual on Monday and to Jo Jingles. Jacob really enjoyed himself. He climbed around all of the soft play and went up to the slide all by himself which he never normally does. And he stood up and participated in most of Jo Jingles. He was hilarious, just wandering around like he owned the place. 

 The troublesome twosome...

 "Participate" also means "eat the instruments."

 Walking.

 We went to the park on Tuesday to try and burn some energy so Jacob had an afternoon nap. It failed.

 Jacob is obsessed with this tree stump in the woods behind our house. 

Cruising in Jacob's car.

I am arranging a fundraiser for The Childhood Eye Cancer Trust as I couldn't make the Carrots Night walk this year, which we did last year and raised an unbelievable £7000! In all honesty, I just totally forgot to sign up this year which is a bummer because I really wanted to do it as it was quite good fun and I met some amazing people last year. So, to ease my guilt for being useless and forgetting, I have decided to throw a children's Halloween Disco. Originally, I was going to just have a Halloween party at home for my friends and their children, but my friend suggested we turn it into a fundraiser. So since last week, I have been planning that! It's quite stressful but people have been so generous with raffle prizes and donations. Its so lovely to know there are people out there who want to help. I'm sure it will be worth all the stress and worry on the day! And I cannot wait to dress Jacob up in some crazy costume!

Where has my son gone?!

Since Sunday, it is like Jacob has been replaced with a different child. He has been so grumpy and clingy and totally of his food (still). He is normally always so happy, but since Sunday afternoon we have had tears and tantrums aplenty. And I am exhausted. He has just gone down for a nap after a slightly better morning than the last 3. We've been up at 5am, throwing milk across the living room, screaming blue murder at the front door because he wants to go out. Bringing me his shoes because he wants to go out and dragging me to the back door because he wants to go out. The only thing I have taken from all of this is that he obviously hates me and wants to move out. He now knows to take my hand and take me to where he wants to go. And if it isn't the front or back door, it's to the cupboard under the stairs where the hoover lives. Because he is totally obsessed with our Hetty the Hoover. But if I turn it on, all hell breaks loose. It has been very hard the last few days, and by no means am I complaining, but we have been quite lucky to have a happy, sociable boy pretty much all of the time. So to have Jacob clinging to my legs and hanging off my tshirt has been quite difficult. I can normally do the washing up or make a cup of tea or clean up after lunch, but the last few days, this has been totally impossible. So my house looks like a bomb has gone off, there is porridge all over the walls, Wotsit dust all over the sofa and juice all over the floor. By the time Rich gets home from work, I am climbing the walls. I haven't even bothered to turn off cbeebies when Jacob finally settles for a nap. I actually went back to sleep yesterday for half an hour because I think I may have cried had I not caught up on a few winks. A few of my friends are having similar troubles with their little ones at the moment and they are all very close in age. So it may be a phase, or it may be a coincidence! Originally I thought it was teething and he had the nice big molar through at the end of last week, and it might still be, but it has certainly been a testing few days. We went to Jo Jingles on Monday as it has now started up again after the school holidays. I was very close to not going as Jacob was so miserable but I thought a change of scenery and some socialising might do him some good. We met my friend John there with Darcie as they are little Jo Jingle's buddies. He was still quite clingy and didn't really go off to play on his own like he normally would, so I spent my time being pulled around by my finger and in the ball pit with him. And let me tell you, there is no glamorous way to climb into the ball pit at Wild & Wacky. Jacob didn't really participate in Jo Jingles except for when the maracas came out. Otherwise he was trying to escape through the door. He did eat all of his lunch though which was the first time he has finished a meal for about a week. He has been totally off his food again, only eating his fruit still. The Innocent smoothies for kids have proven a good buy though, as he has been inhaling them. So that's something! 

 Possibly one of the only (half) smiles from Monday...

Ball pit buddies.

 Grumpy guts in his awesome hoody from Next.

Smoothie monster

We had quite alot of laughs and smiles this morning and he even ate all of his porridge, by himself with a spoon! So I'm hoping Jacob is feeling a bit better now. I did start to panic a bit as he wanted his hand held everytime he walked, that his vision in his left eye may have changed and the tumour has started to grow again and affect it. I'm pretty sure that's just my mind going into overdrive. But when he's normally so happy, I do really worry when he is so unsettled. Everyone just says it's kids and he's just coming into himself and seeing what he can get away with. So I am really hoping that's the case. At 15 months, this is definitely the hardest but also the most fun age so far. He is so so funny at the moment, and doing new things everyday. This morning, he actually drove his Toot Toot Drivers cars around the track and he has also started to try to build his Mega Bloks. I've also started to let him use crayons and we have managed to keep it on the paper so far! Oh, and in his mouth obviously. I freaked out but Rich assured me they are non-toxic. So all I can expect is some multi-coloured nappy contents! 

Another new trick he's learned recently...dunking!

Food nightmares and fundraising events.

We have had an absolute nightmare with food this week. Jacob hasn't wanted to eat hardly a thing, and he's redecorated our living room almost everyday with the food he's thrown up the walls. He's eaten his toast for breakfast most mornings, then won't touch hardly a thing the rest of the day unless it's a digestive from the biscuit tin or fruit, yoghurt or cucumber. Which is normally a tell tale sign of teething with him. And we've also continued with the horrendous nights and getting him into our bed just to get some sleep. So after checking today, there's a nice big molar on its way through! Hopefully it won't last too long. Why can't every single tooth come at once then it's all done and dusted?! 

We went to Wild & Wacky on Tuesday for the first time in ages, Jo Jingles doesn't run during the school holidays and we've just not ended up going there to be honest. Jo Jingles starts again on Monday so we will back to our weekly trips. It was the first time I'd taken Jacob since he has started walking too and he seemed to enjoy himself much more. A little boy got a bit heavy handed with him and was basically dragging Jacob around by the back of his tshirt and I went into full on crazy protective mum mode. I didn't enjoy it but I think my crazed glare at the little boy did the trick as he didn't go near him again. I know kids mean no harm most of the time but it's so easy to get all crazy lioness when you see your little ones taking a pasting from another kid. I am like it with Teddy too. When I was pregnant, this kid that was about 5 years older than Teddy, who wasn't even 2 at the time, shoved him out of one of those ride ons that every parent tries to avoid outside the supermarket. Teddy literally came out of it backwards and landed on his back. So I got up thinking I was all brave (pregnancy hormones trick you into thinking you're tough. And I am not tough.) and started shouting about how people should be watching their children, only to find the parents were sitting on the table next to me with far too many empty wine glasses on. Awkward. I thought I was going to be killed by a table of tanked up women. Anyways, other than the little boy carrying Jacob around like a ragdoll, it was quite good fun. He slept well in the afternoon! Somehow we are back to two naps a day, but I'm not complaining at the moment because with the sleepless nights, I quite appreciate the extra break.

Finally climbing things at Wild & Wacky.

Jacob is slowly starting to fit into some of his 9-12 months clothing. I love this outfit. The tshirt is from Next, the joggers are H&M, his bibble is from It's A Bibble and his trainers are Converse.

We were asked by CHECT if we would go to a fundraising event on Friday. It was to meet a group of 32 cyclists that are doing the Ride4Sight in order to raise money for The Childhood Eye Cancer Trust. Its a 150 mile bike ride from Stratford to Nottingham over two days. CHECT have done so much for us, so we were more than happy to go and talk to people and thank the cyclists for what they're doing for the charity. So far they've raised over £25k which is unbelievable. We met a few other families which was lovely as it is always nice to talk to other people going through what we are. The hotel where the meeting was was lovely. We had tea and cake and everyone knows I love some free food. We met Darren Harris who had Rb as a child and has been left with almost no sight at all and he is now a paralympian, playing football for Great Britain. Meeting him was such a pleasure and he is such an inspiration. It really made me see that Jacob will still be able to do almost anything he wants to. Jacob was a bit overwhelmed by all the new faces and everyone chatting to him but he did really well. We hadn't planned anything for dinner as we thought we'd just grab something on the way home, but not all the cyclists arrived at once and we didn't want to seem rude and leave but the charity arranged for the hotel to cook Jacob some dinner which was so kind of them. I was quite apprehensive about going to the event as I get so emotional at things like that but I am so glad we went. It was a really lovely afternoon and Jacob had a fab time running around like he owned the place! 

Strolling around like he owns the place.

Rocking his oversized CHECT tshirt.

Some of the cyclists arriving.

 Picnic!