Christmas crafting!!

Jacob is finally getting over the hand, foot and mouth, cold and cough he's suffered with the last two weeks. However, those evil little teeth are cutting their way through so I'm expecting some bad nights soon! He has actually been sleeping so well since getting better. I've not had to get up to him once in the night which has been lovely. He's woke up a little bit whingey a few times but settled back off on his own. However, the better sleep has come with earlier starts. He is up around 6.30 most mornings now. Which would be fine if it wasn't so dark and cold out!!! I still don't know how to set our heating up so it comes on with the timer so it is absolutely freezing when we get up in the mornings.

We went to Van Hages garden centre last Wednesday to see Santa, I booked it a little while ago and Jacob didn't seem so poorly that morning so thought we'd still go as we went last year and it was lovely. However, I think it was a little bit too soon to have taken him out as he was not in the mood at all. He absolutely screamed the place down and wasn't interested in Santa, the lights or the presents. We took him for a little walk around the animals after which he obviously loved, but he must have felt rough because he crashed out the second we pulled out of the carpark. Hopefully next year!!

We've been meaning to make Christmas cards and ornaments for the family for nearly two weeks but just haven't got round to it. So yesterday, Rich was home so I got him to help me with the "Christmas tree feet" cards I wanted to make. Jacob wasn't very cooperative, so we had to rush them, but they seem to have come out okay. They're literally a green foot print upside down. Then you draw on the lights or baubles with the good trusty Sharpie pens. Just FYI, I'm obsessed with a Sharpie. I don't know why, I just love them. We also made some snowmen cards today as we needed a few more, and it's the same idea, an upside down foot print, then draw on the face, scarf and buttons etc.

I'd also seen a salt dough recipe that I've wanted to do for ages so we gave that a try today. It was so easy, literally a cup of salt, a cup of plain flour and it says half a cup of water, but I found this a bit too much so had to add more flour. But just add water bit by bit until you get a play-doh like dough. I literally rolled it out, cut out circles and Jacob pressed his hand (I forced him to push his hand, he didn't want to play) into the dough. Then used a straw to make a small hole in the top for string or ribbon to go through. Then bake at 100 Celsius for 3 hours. They came out pretty good. We painted the red then put gold glitter on them, and wrote a little message on them. I can't wait to give them out to family members. And we've obviously kept one for our tree. Hopefully I'll remember to do them every year!

It was my birthday on Sunday, but lucky for me I had a nice headache and spent most of the day in bed! We had family over for takeaway in the evening as Rich was determined I actually did something on the day. I'm so boring, birthdays aren't that big a deal to me, my birthday anyway. And because its so close to Christmas, I'm usually more excited about that. All I cared about was getting a card from Jacob. Rich had him "write" inside himself. Which was a lovely felt pen masterpiece! I also got a really lovely charm for my Pandora bracelet. I'd had my eye on it for ages but didn't think it was appropriate to buy it for myself so I'm glad Jacob (Rich) got it for me!

Jacobs Routine.

Can you tell we are stuck at home?
Jacob is currently sleeping like a trooper, catching up on the last weeks worth of lost sleep I think! He has been asleep nearly four hours and I've actually found myself bored. This never happens. This post obviously doesn't apply to today/this week or even when he's poorly at all but I always love hearing about other babies and toddlers routines and have found it so helpful having so many friends who've all had little ones around the same time as we had Jacob. Every child is obviously different but this is Jacobs normal day to day routine.

 

6.30-7.30am is wake up time in our house. If we are really lucky, Jacob will sometimes sleep until nearly 8. If its closer to 7.30, I'll bring Jacob into our room and let him wake Rich up for work, otherwise its down stairs for some Disney Junior or CBeebies.

8am Jacob normally wakes up pretty hungry so I get breakfast ready quite quickly. He normally has cheerios and some kind of fruit, normally blueberries or a banana, and has milk to drink.

9/9.30am We get ready for the day normally and I try to get Jacob to drink some fresh orange to keeps his bowels on the go! (Sorry if TMI!)

10am If we are doing anything before lunch such as a bit of shopping, this is normally the time we will do this as its just before his nap. Otherwise Jacob will normally potter around and entertain himself while I do a few things around the house (which I'll admit has been rare since becoming pregnant, although the last two weeks I've gotten a bit more motivated!) Jacob will normally have a little snack around now too, just maybe a rusk which he still loves or some of the Heinz Biscotti.

11.30am This is usually nap time. Since Jacob dropped to one nap, we've found that going around this time normally works best as he has quite unsettled nights a lot so can be quite flaked by this time. He normally naps for 1 and a half to 2 hours. Recently, I've been using this time to get a few things done if I've been lazy or had a clingy monster in the morning, and sometimes have a sneaky little snooze myself although since the morning (all day) sickness stopped, I've not been so desperate for it as usual so will just normally sit and revel in the quiet.

1-1.30pm Lunchtime! Sometimes Jacob can wake up absolutely ravenous and screams the place down so recently I've started to try and have his lunch ready.  He'll normally have a sandwich of some kind, bagel or pasta. Crisps or those mini organix rice cakes or their carrot puffs, although I'm horrible and don't let him have "real" crisps everyday. If we've gotten a food shop in too (which we are terrible at, daily trips to tesco in this house!) Jacob will normally have cucumber and cherry tomatoes too and always some kind of fruit. And he usually finishes off with a yogurt.

2.30pm This is normally when I try to do some sort of activity with Jacob, normally a walk or wrapping up and playing in the garden. Although the weather is making this more difficult of late so I stocked up on some crafty bits. He's gotten into painting and stuff and if he wakes up in a good mood, I'm planning on making Christmas cards this afternoon. But we will see!!

5.30pm Dinnertime. We do try to all eat together as a family, obviously this isn't always possible but try we do! Jacob normally eats what we eat but on the days when we are having a later dinner or something not very Jakey friendly, the Annabelle Karmel or the Little Dish toddler meals are nice and quick and he always eats every last bite. I normally have left overs in the freezer but always forget about them and they end up getting chucked in the bin. Last week I threw away six separate dinners that I'd frozen. Jacob will normally have a yoghurt or something naughty like a little cake or chocolate biscuit for pudding. He drinks water or really weak squash throughout the day. Rich banned fruit shoots as he read an article about them having some ingredient in them thats proven to make kids naughty. I'm pretty sure that's the sugar!

6.30pm Bath time, although Jacob normally only has a bath every other day as his skin is so sensitive and dries out really easily! We normally do the bedtime routine together as Rich wouldn't have seen Jacob much if its a weekday and to be honest, he's such a terror it takes two of us to chase him round and get him into his PJ's!

7pm Bedtime. Jacob picks about 700 books to read and then we read the same one about four times before he goes into his cot. He usually settles off quite well. He does still wake up a fair few times a night, normally crying because he can't find his dummy. But usually stays in his cot until the morning and we start the whole routine again!

Obviously this isn't always the case, if we have a play date or Jo Jingles, it normally gets wiggled around a bit. But I am known as a bit of a routine drill sergeant to my family when it comes to Jacob. It will probably bite me in the backside in time to come!

Quarantined!

So its been a bit of a crazy week in the Wright/Williams household. Jacobs last few teeth are trying to fight their way through his gums since the beginning of last week so when he got unbelievably grumpy, tearful, hot and just plain miserable on Thursday, we just thought he was really having a tough time with them. Friday he was very up and down again, and we had his appointment at Great Ormond Street Hospital in the afternoon for his ultrasound to check his bowels and kidneys, which was all clear and his six month oncology check up with the amazing Dr. Kingston. When I say amazing, that doesn't even cover it. She is just unbelievable. She knows everything there is to know about Jacobs condition and actually was part of the team that created the chemotherapy drug combination they now use to treat Rb. She is just amazing. She was very happy with Jacobs weight gain and as I thought, he's shot up just under ten centimetres in six months. That explains the super shrinking trouser legs!! He was not his happy self and just stood at the door crying to leave. The journey home was hideous. My step dad Steve usually takes us to GOSH as he knows his way round London pretty well, and even with his cut throughs and side street knowledge, the hour journey took two! And Jacob screamed for the last 40 minutes. He had refused to eat all day, again thinking it was just teething we just carried on with the Calpol and Anbesol liquid. Come the evening, he was still not stop crying and refused to sleep, at which point I said to Rich "I'm not sure this is just teething." He has never suffered like this with his teeth, so Saturday morning when he was no better, we went to A&E as his tongue looked swollen which obviously set alarm bells ringing. We were seen quickly and as soon as then nurse picked his hand up to check his obs, I saw the little white spots. Before the nurse could even say anything, I said "He's got hand, foot and mouth!" She just said "yep, home and rest!" There's nothing you can do for it. But as soon as I saw the spots on his hands it made sense. His little mouth was filled with ulcers. I honestly felt like the worst mother in the world. I was shoving my fingers in his mouth, running Anbesol round his gums when it must have been so painful! So since Saturday we have been battling eating, drinking and sleeping with an arsenal of Calpol, Nurofen and me cooking/making a hundred different things to hopefully entice Jacob to eat. The only thing we managed on Saturday was a spoonful of porridge. And yesterday, he ate two bananas and some cheerios. We've been looking for anything plain! Milk has been quite a life saver too. He's not normally much of a milk drinker but I think the cold helps and the milk soothes the ulcers. I'm pretty sure he's got lots of spots down the back of his throat too as he has a terrible sore throat now and didn't swallow for a few days. We went through every T-shirt and every bib in the house over the course of Friday to Sunday I think! He seems a tiny bit better today, sleep has been tough and he's had hardly any which obviously doesn't help. But he's sat next to me watching Frozen while I've been writing this which is better than the constant tears we've had the last few days. Rich and me have been tag teaming sleep, eating and trying to keep Jacob entertained. It has been quite tough. Rich is so laid back and has so much patience and can manage on next to no sleep, but I am a nightmare. My patience is nonexistent when I'm tired, and paired with these pregnancy hormones, I have not been very nice to live with this weekend. I've been sent off to sleep a fair few times! I obviously try not to be a monster in front of Jacob and I think he knows Rich is the more patient of the two of us as he has been a total daddy's boy this weekend!! I've been the wicked witch thats pinned him down and forced him to take his medicine and laying him back down in the middle of the night instead of getting up to party at two, three, four and five AM to party. I'm sure he will understand when he's better! I wish they understood when you're trying to explain the medicine will make them feel better, and sleep will make them feel better. It's been a tough few days indeed! Jacob is contagious for about a week after symptoms start, and his fever started Weds/Thurs so I'm really hoping he's better for his trip to see Santa on Wednesday! He's taken a dummy again today which is a good sign. Although he has gone without it for the last few days which I hoped would be when he gave it up. But no such luck!

 I didn't let Jacob have chocolate this time last year, so he's got two calendars this year!

 Wild & Wacky Mondays, before the dreaded virus hit!

 Checking out the fish tank floor at GOSH

 Tackling "teething."

We put the tree up! Jacob has so far broken 3 decorations! 

I've finally started Christmas shopping and we decided that we are Santa is going to get him the Toot Toot drivers train station to go with the stuff he already has. He sits for ages just pushing the cars around and down the ramps. We are going to get him one of the rugs which have the roads on too. And then he's got lots of paints, pencils and stuff like that as he likes to do that kind of thing, and draw on the walls in the process obviously.

I've spent the last week trying to hunt down the "Hulk Smash Hands" for Teddy. Nowhere has them in stock and the nearest Toys R Us that has them is Edinburgh!! And it can take weeks for them to be transfered store to store. They finally came into stock on Amazon so managed to get some this morning, but straight after I placed the order, I had a number from New York call me then straight after that, a number from Malaysia. I didn't answer and I called Amazon and they said all seems fine on the order so I really hope its a coincidence and someone from far away just wanted a chat with me! Knowing my luck, I finally found them but they're actually some dodgy knock offs! Let's hope not!!

A little bump update...

The sickness seems to have gone altogether now which is amazing! But I now have the nasty headaches I got with Jacob, and nothing helps them! They've been a brilliant addition to this weekend I must say!
All I've wanted to eat is the McDonalds cheesy dippers from their festive menu, and cakes and chocolate! I was exactly the same with Jacob around this point of pregancy. I've also absolutely loved the smell of Rich's Red Bull and have snuck a sip or two. I would drink the whole can if I could!!! I'm also at that stage where I just feel like a fat wildebeest! Nothing fits but its my birthday on Sunday so I think I may treat myself to a few new pieces!

I have an 18 month old!!!

I cannot believe I have an 18 month old, I also cannot believe that he is going to be a big brother next summer.
Jacob has become more and more of a little character over the last few months, and although still not saying many words, he does not stop waffling away.
His favourite things to say and that we will understand is "no", " what's that?", "Lex" (our dog), and he makes "mmm" sounds for food he likes. Which is everything. After a wobbly beginning of not wanting any of my homemade purees, he has always been a brilliant eater, I took a really relaxed approach to weaning. I did a mixture of baby led and purées, although he totally refused my purees, he loved the Ella's Kitchen ones. I was so excited to start weaning so when he was about five months, I spent a whole Sunday in the kitchen making every puree you could think of. They all went in the bin eventually as he hated them all. But to be honest, why would anyone want just broccoli or cauliflower? (Although one of his favourite foods is actually broccoli now!) I tried some with apple, sweet potato, parsnip, you name it. He wasn't having any of it. So it was Ella's Kitchen to the rescue. And then at lunchtime, it was always finger foods. Sandwiches, pasta, fruit, veggie sticks, those Organix carrot wotsit things which he loved. And if he didn't eat it, we'd leave it a couple days and try again. He always had lots of variety. My sister used to say "there's too much choice, he won't eat anything!" But he would always clear his tray. We were really lucky through chemo as he never really went off food. I'm guessing he's going to be like me and shove anything away. I won the egg battle last week. I have been trying for weeks to get him to eat some scrambled eggs. And he did it. I was so excited, I put it all on Facebook and rang Rich all excited. So yes, in regards to food, Jacob is a little piglet. 

He has become quite the tantrum thrower. I'm hoping he's getting the terrible twos out of the way before his sibling arrives. He is currently chasing the dog around with his Henry Hoover and trying to hit him over the head. All fun and games!

Spaghetti Bolognese?

Since announcing that we are expecting baby number two, a lot of people have asked about Jacobs condition and what the chances are of this baby having it. Rich and me were both tested for the gene mutation which Jacob has and we are clear, so aren't carriers. So this baby has the same chance as any other baby of having Retinoblastoma. We will be having the cord blood tested when the baby is born, just to be sure. The chances are very small, but at the same time, they were with Jacob too.

The sickness has finally started to pass and I have actually had energy to do housework this week which has been nice. I'd been doing the absolute minimal I could get away with for the last two months and I'm a big believer in "clean house, clean mind!" More like "clean house, happy Char." We've started to go for a walk again most days too, and if not, Jacob has been getting wrapped up and playing in the garden. He just loves to be outside which isn't ideal in the British winter time!

 Showing off his little brother or sister!

Adventuring.

Rich and me have been trying to decide what to get Jacob for Christmas, (I've bought about 3 little things!) The only thing He's really into at the moment is cars, and balls (still!) And he likes Toy Story and Monsters Inc. Actually he likes anything on TV. Could be a cooking programme, documentary on paint drying, he'll watch it! I think we are going to go for a trainset of some kind and just books, puzzles and crafty stuff. I bought him (me) some play-doh last week which he (I) really enjoyed playing with. To be honest at this age, they're more interested in the wrapping paper than what's actually inside!!

Jacob has a birthday party at Wild & Wacky tomorrow evening, and I have my work Christmas party so Rich is taking him alone. Its his first proper birthday party at a play place so I'm a bit gutted not to be going but I'm sure Rich will take lots of photos and I can feel like I was there!!

A Wonderful Wednesday.

I never thought I would call Wednesdays wonderful. But yesterday was. Jacob is still stable. He's fighting this little tumour and we have never felt so lucky. Last time we were at RLH, Mr Sagoo. One of Jacobs consultants did say that they can slow down and a lot of children will become stable. But we never, ever go thinking that it will still be the case. It just isn't worth the disappointment. Luckily, we've not had the disappointment yet, but that's not to say we won't. Jacob didn't go down to theatre until around 3pm and as usual we went down to the canteen to grab something to eat as we also don't really eat while Jacob can't. Maxine, one of Jacobs nurses knows how much I love the puddings down there so she specifically went back to check for me when she got her lunch. And it was gooseberry and apple crumble, one of the best. So I obviously salivated my way to the canteen, only to be distraught when they had sold out. I was gutted. I had to settle for some awful chicken sandwich on brown bread, and I hate brown bread. But by this point, I was so hungry that I just needed any food.

Jacob was back quite quickly again from theatre, and when I went to collect him from recovery, I couldn't hear him crying. He normally always screams the place down after coming round from the anaesthetic. But he was just laying on his bed, wide awake, waffling away to the nurse. It was so funny. We got back to his bed, and he just sat there stuffing his face, no wobbly throwing, no tears. It was really nice. Normally the hour or so afterwards is a bit chaotic with tears and trying different food and drink. But he just sat eating his yogurts and a whole packet of blueberries. Then made his way through rice cakes, malt loaf and Jaffa cakes, the new favourite. Oh and 3 bottles of water.

It felt like hours until Mr Reddy came round with the results, Jacob was only second on the list, sometimes they will come up in between to give you the results but depending on how busy they are and how many kids they've got in that day, it can sometimes be at the end. And they were busy on Wednesday so it was the end. But it was so worth the wait. Mr Reddy is so to the point, he just said "Jacob is doing fine!" No technical terms, nothing. To which I just said "He's still stable?!" Yep, and that he is to be seen again in 8 weeks. 8 weeks! Its getting longer in between appointments which is amazing, but so scary too! We know what to look out for though so if we were worried at all, the RB team are pretty amazing at getting you fitted in if needed. Luckily, we've never had that yet and fingers crossed it will stay that way!

After getting 8 weeks off, we thought we'd have a nice break from hospitals, but this morning Jacob decided that was not to be the case. He climbed up on to the dining chair while I was out of the room.and before I knew it, he'd come off it backwards and landed on his head. He is always bashing his head and will normally just brush it off and get on with it. But when I picked him up he was doing that holding his breath thing babies do when they're shocked. And he was quite floppy. Not holding his head up. I went into total panic mode, Rich had just left for work so I rang him and got him to come back although I have no idea how he worked out what I said on the phone in between my panic and Jacobs screaming. He's quite tough really so when he didn't stop crying after a few minutes and his head was quite floppy, I knew he needed checking out. So we spent our Friday morning in A & E. Luckily he is fine, but it was so scary. He has never gone drowsy like that and its the only time he's bashed his head when I've really panicked. One of the nurses asked if he had a lazy eye, to which I obviously said that its artificial. Which led to a discussion about Rb and how did we find out. It seems so many more people know about it now than when we found out. But I think its probably where we are just more aware. Its nice that people know what it's about now though, and that hopefully Jacob's story has made at least people we know more aware of the disease.

A full nights sleep...

Before I even started writing this, I thought "Char, you're jinxing it, you're jinxing it, don't do it!!!" But I think we may have turned a corner with sleep. Jacob hasn't been in our bed for around two weeks now. And He's started to sleep to a more normal time. He woke up at 8.15 on Sunday morning. It was amazing. He did have a wobble at around 5.30, I'm not 100% on the time but it was dark so there was no way we were getting up. Does he not know that Sunday is a day of rest?! I left him to have a little moan, and then it went silent. Next thing I know, it was 8.15. Rich sleeps through absolutely anything (so he says, I bet all your baby daddy's do the same too don't they? Must be a magical gene men are blessed with) so when I decided enough was enough with him coming into our room in the night, I knew the battle was for me to fight alone. We've always tried to use controlled crying as is the the only thing that's ever really worked for us. Jacob has been so much happier too, and me! He wakes up and sits talking and laughing to himself and his toys, as opposed to waking up crying. And He's down to the one big nap a day. This varies from before lunch around 11.30 or he will go after lunch around one. It all depends on what time he was awake. Which recently hasn't been earlier than 6.30. I'm jinxing it again aren't I...

We have Jacobs check up at the Royal London Hospital tomorrow, it was pushed back a week as they had an emergency last week. Its happened a few times and every time I panic like crazy. A week will never make too much difference in tumour growth, but because he's gone so long without treatment, it is very nerve wracking. He's on the afternoon list too which is even more stressful than the morning. It tends to always run a bit later and sometimes Jacob won't go down to theatre until 4. And when he hasn't eaten since 7.30 that morning, he is not a happy boy. And I'm pretty sure he's going through a bit of a growth spurt at the moment too as he doesn't stop eating and all of his trousers seem to have turned into ankle biters. He's finally making his way into 9-12 month clothing, so after a year of wearing 3-6 and 6-9, He's finally mixing it up a bit! It does however mean he needs so many new clothes, he managed to build up an entire years worth of wardrobe in 3-6 month clothing. So summer or winter, if you need some 3-6 months boys clothes, give me a shout!!!

Due to the size change, I went through all of Jacobs clothes to sort out what I want to keep and what I'll probably donate. I thought about doing a boot sale and selling it on but its just all too much hassle. I managed to part with about a quarter of the items. And even that was a ridiculous amount. How do you get rid of it all?! I think I'm going to need to get about 200 of those memory quilts made. My mum got Jacob a bear made with 5 of his first sleep suits which was lovely. I'm sure I'll get realistic and part with them one day.

We avoided Jo Jingles this week, purely because Jacob always has a habit of picking up a cold or some sort of snotty disease right before hospital, and as he was already delayed, I didn't want to risk him catching anything. Instead, we spent the morning grabbing some shopping and then Sophie and Teddy came over for lunch.
We changed Jacobs routine a little bit last night, as he normally gets changed and ready for bed upstairs, then goes to bed after a story. We tried changing him into his pyjamas a bit earlier last night and letting him stay downstairs for a bit. It can end up a bit chaotic when he gets changed right before bed and can make him over excited and then he throws a bit of a wobbly when he's put into his cot. He went to bed really well, and alot calmer than usual. I still had to read the same book four times though. That's his new thing. The same book over and over again. He would let me read it sixty times if he could.

A bit of before bed relaxation.

I finally managed to get some wellies in Jacobs size yesterday. Everywhere is sold out of little size 4's! But they have posed a problem, he wants to wear them ALL THE TIME. And be outside ALL THE TIME. And it isn't very warm at the moment! We've just spent an hour in the garden. I swear kids don't get cold. 

I'll let you know how we get on tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

Catching up.

I haven't done a post for ages. Mostly because Jacob has been ill then I was ill, then Jacob was ill again and as a house we have been averaging about six hours sleep a night. Jacob still isn't a fan of staying in his own cot all night. He lasts until about 4am, and at the moment I am too tired to even fight with him. So I bring him into our bed where he messes around for about an hour until he eventually goes back to sleep. I read that toddlers and babies have poor sleep habits when they're going through a developmental spurt of some kind. Jacob has not stopped chatting away for about two weeks now. And he's started to say some actual words which is hilarious. Still no "mum" though, unless its mid meltdown. His new favourite is "socks." It all started when I asked him to come get his socks on one morning, and now his favourite thing to do is get his socks and run around shouting it. He also says "oh dear" which is just as funny. The best one has to be "no." I say the best one, it's a nightmare. Everything is "no" and a headshake. "Do you want to go for a nap?" "No." "Do you want you dinner?" "No" "do you want a million pounds?" "No" It's so scary seeing him grow into a little person.

He had a new eye fitted last week. It's actually a really good match. I don't really notice much difference anymore except for the size, but this time I can really see that its changed. When his prosthetist Sylvia first fitted the new one, it moved so well, but looked slightly inwards. We decided it would be best if it was looking more forward as opposed to moving more because with Jacobs nystagmus, he tends to look inwards with his left eye a lot so it was really noticeable. Overall, this is probably the most pleased we have been!

I've been arranging a Halloween fundraiser in aid of CHECT (another reason I've not posted). I originally planned to do a kids Halloween tea party at my house for just Jacob and his friends. But Laura suggested we turn it into a fundraiser. The response we got when asking for donations etc was absolutely amazing. A local dance school, "Makin' Steps" donated the use of their hall, a bouncy castle company loaned us a castle for the afternoon and my friends brother loaned us his DJ equipment. We also had Fiona from Jo Jingles come and do a session for all the kids. I enlisted all my friends and family to help with the food, and so many people baked cakes. It was so lovely. We had an events company called Events4All there and they brought their candyfloss and popcorn machines which proved a huge hit and they also had an Olaf mascot. I also know a girl who dresses up as Elsa as part of her company MP Little Treats too so halfway through the afternoon we had Elsa and Olaf come out to meet the children. It was brilliant. Jacob absolutely loved it. We held a raffle too, all prizes were donations from various companies and friends. I haven't got the exact total yet as we are waiting on a few donations but I think we raised about £1100 in total which is amazing! It was an absolutely exhausting afternoon but so worth it as I think all the kids had a brilliant time.

We've moved on from Frozen, which I'm kind of grateful for. The new favourite is Toy Story. He will sit there beginning to end and not move. Its nuts. As he is down to one nap a day, I've used Toy Story as the second nap substitute so I can still get things done. When he first dropped to one nap, it was so hard for me to get used to more than Jacob I think, as I'm sure any mum does, I really look forward to that hour or so of downtime. Not anymore! Thank god for Woody and Buzz!

We are at the hospital again next week for Jacobs next check up so fingers crossed he's still stable!

Below are a few pics from the last week or so. We went to Van Hages which is one of my favourite places ever, especially at christmas time!!

My little vampire on Halloween!

This is hard work!

I just haven't had the energy to write a blog post this week. And the only reason I'm writing this one is purely so I can moan to someone else about how hideous I feel because I think my family and the few close friends who already know, might just kill me if I moan to them anymore. We found out 3 weeks ago that we are expecting baby number two. While I was absolutely shocked, we hadn't officially started trying and Jacob took a year to conceive, Rich was over the moon. Dont get me wrong, I am so pleased. I always wanted about a two year age gap between Jacob and his sibling, and it probably would have been less if Jacob wasn't poorly. But while being shocked and pleased, all I could think was that I didn't want to feel as sick as I did with Jacob. And silly me, I thought I would get away with the feeling like a sack of crap for 3 months, "every pregnancy is different" and all that! But my god, this time it has been SO much worse. I was quite sick with Jacob, actually throwing up every morning without fail until about 14 weeks in. But by lunchtime, I felt myself again. This time round, it is lasting ALL DAY but I'm not actually being sick. Now, ask anyone who knows me, I am a pathetic ill person. For brief moments I will just get on with it, but since having Jacob, I am truly pathetic. A shame to those mums on the Boots advert that are running around after a sick family while battling the plague themselves. Whether work distracted me last time, or it just wasn't as bad, I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through another possibly 7 weeks of this. I have tried absolutely everything to help, ginger beer, ginger tea, fresh root ginger tea, ginger biscuits, dry crackers, polos, dry toast. Nothing has worked. And the only thing I want to eat is McDonalds fries. Good pregnancy diet. Running around after Jacob has been so hard too, and I have had so many days where I have felt like the worst mother in the world because I've vegetated on the sofa all day. My house is a mess and Jacob is just wreaking havoc. I've spent almost every night crying to Rich about how Jacob must hate me for missing Jo Jingles last week because I felt so ropey, I couldn't face going. Or how he had spaghetti on toast for dinner last night because I felt so sick, I couldn't face cooking anything else. Evidently, Jacob doesn't care because he still smacks me in the face or is my best pal when he gets some chocolate buttons, which has been a lot more often recently!!
Rich has been brilliant the last week or so, before that he just told me to get on with it. It took a full blown crying meltdown for him to realise how rubbish I felt. This is probably my fault for being a pathetic ill person anyway so he probably thought it was nothing different. Except it is, it is like the hangover from hell that lasts for weeks. Everyone says "but it will be worth it." Yes it will, but right now I want to smack you in the face and go cry into my pillow about how tired I am and how all I want to do is enjoy a meal without fear of seeing it in reverse. I honestly think women are amazing for going through this time and time again. I've said a few times that this is the last one now. My mum said if it isn't a girl, I have to keep going until she gets a grandaughter. If they can give her my morning sickness, I'll have ten more! I absolutely loved being pregnant after the sickness passed with Jacob, I really hope this time is the same. I'm worried Jacob is going to start reporting me for neglecting him. We went to Jo Jingles this week, which I'm glad we did because he really seemed to enjoy it this time and toddled off around the soft play after all by himself. He managed to find his way to the huge slide in the middle and went skidding down it on his own. I obviously panicked and was trying to navigate my way through Wild 'n' Wacky at lightening speed, which did nothing but give me a nice bruise on my back where I forgot I am way too big to crawl under one of the gaps to the slide. But turns out there was no need to panic. My little beast didn't even need me. Another reason I cried yesterday. While I have absolutely no intention of publishing this post until after our scan. Its felt good to write it out somewhere else!

CHECT Members Weekend.

So the sleepless nights have continued, and I honestly haven't had the energy to write a blog until now. And to be honest, we haven't done much where Jacob has been so grouchy from lack of sleep, which has therefore made me grouchy. I tried the controlled crying to get Jacob to stay in his cot after coming into our bed for two weeks, on the first night, I gave in after half an hour of absolute blood curdling screams (our neighbours definitely hate us) and on the second night, he went back off on his own after about twenty minutes. But was up at 5.15am. And the next day was a ridiculous o'clock start again. I really don't know which I prefer! In our bed he will sleep until around 7.30am which is glorious, but I get hardly any sleep due to the little size 3 tootsies in my back/ribs/eye.

We went away to the CHECT members weekend this weekend gone and I knew there was no point in taking a travel cot as Jacob wouldn't sleep in one the last time we went away, so we just accepted that he would be sleeping in with us and hope that coming home would be a new start to him sleeping back in his own cot.
The weekend was at the Northamptonshire Billing Aquadrome holiday park. I have never stayed in a caravan in my life so didn't really know what to expect. Sophie, Ross, Teddy, Aaron and Lou came too so we had one of those huge static mobile home things. It was so cold in there! And I didn't really pack as well as I should have, I just launched loads of stuff into a bag and hoped that would do. What I didn't pack, and really wished I did, was socks. I had freezing cold feet both nights. Caravans should carry a cold warning label. Or I should just think about where I'm going and pack more appropriately. 
It was really lovely to see some of the families we've become familiar with over the last year or so. I met a lady at the Carrots Nightwalk last year who's little boy had an enucleation, and she made me feel so much better about the whole situation and I hadn't seen her since so it was really nice to catch up with her too. There was also a family who we last saw when they found out their little girl was to have her eye enucleated, which was obviously a huge day for them, and it turns out they were staying in the caravan next to us which was brilliant. I had asked about their little girl everytime we were at RLH but because of patient confidentiality, they wasn't allowed to tell me how she was doing. But she seemed absolutely amazing, and she really took a shine to Jacob which was adorable. 

The weekend was really overwhelming in a way. It was like everyone had this mutual respect for each other because you all know what the other has been through or is going through. Everyone was so friendly and you all had something to talk about together. 
On Saturday, CHECT arranged for everyone to have dinner together in the main venue and then it was followed by an open mic night. It was amazing. All of the girls, nicknamed the "CHECT Princesses" performed "Let it go" from Frozen, which Jacob was absolutely mesmerised by. They had most of the people in tears, including me obviously. I was sobbing by the end, I had to rush back over to our table to hide because I literally couldn't stop. It was so amazing to see such a brave group of girls. Most of them had an artificial eye, and it made me feel so positive for Jacob. They were so confident. Since Jacob had his eye removed, I constantly think about how he will grow up. Will he be confident? Will he let it hold him back? And if those girls are anything to go by, these kids are so brave, I have nothing to worry about with my little bulldozer. 
The CHECT staff also performed "Like A Prayer" which was brilliant! It wasn't until this weekend that I realised that the charity actually only have 9 members of staff. It is unbelievable how much difference such a small group of people can make to so many families. Lesley, our support worker is like a family member now, she is absolutely amazing and you could ring her up for any little thing and she will always have time for you. Jacob actually held his arms out to her this weekend too which was a big deal! He doesn't go to anybody, so I think she was really pleased! 

We left quite early on Sunday, just so we knew Jacob would sleep on the way home as he doesn't do well on long car journeys! He was really unsettled at bedtime last night too, which we half expected, but he did stay in his own cot until 5am, which wasn't too bad. I did bring him in with us, mainly because I knew after the late nights at the weekends, he needed more sleep, and he crashed straight out again until 8am, which was lovely!

There were so many lovely photos from this weekend so I apologise in advance if you get bored looking through them!

   

JACOBS HALLOWEEN DISCO! TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE!

House of the plague!

So the sleepless nights have continued, Jacob has still been coming into our bed every night. I've come down with whatever Jacob had and it has totally wiped me out. I'm normally quite good at being ill. I'll just get on, but having an ill little one and being ill yourself is SO hard!!! I called in sick to work on Thursday which I hate doing, and I always think I sound like I'm lying and just trying to skive off for the day! But after nearly a week of hardly any sleep and spending all my waking hours coughing and blowing my nose, then wiping Jacobs nose, and cleaning snot up off everything, I just felt horrendous. So when Rich got up on Thursday, we swapped and I went back to bed until 1pm. I can't bear sleeping in, its such a waste of a day but I just had no energy. Jacob finally doesn't mind the taste of Calpol again so he was happily taking his medicine every few hours. We used to have to pin him down and squeeze his cheeks to force him to take it, the neighbours must have wondered what was going on, or trick him and pretend we were giving him his dummy then fire the 5ml of sugary, sticky liquid into his mouth. The syringes you get with kids medicine are brilliant! We've got about thirty, I save them all. The spoon you used to get when I was little was chaos, you'd end up with a sticky face where you'd do anything not to have to take medicine. The only thing I can't get him to take is cough medicine. I've tasted it and it doesn't taste too fabulous. But if I give it to Jacob while he's asleep, he'll take it no problem. So, we are a house with the plague at the moment. Jacobs cough has been made worse from where he was put to sleep on Wednesday. The doctors did say that it was likely but we obviously didn't want to risk not going to his appointment and the tumour had grown. If only we could tell the future! I also cancelled Jacobs last set of immunisations on Friday as he was still a bit poorly and we are going away for the weekend next week which would have been the 7-10 days after when he normally gets a bit ropey. So I thought it was best to put them off.

Jacob has seemed so much better today and has been really funny. I am sure he said "Jacob" today too, Rich heard him too on a separate occasion but when we asked him to say it, he just laughed and walked off. I cannot wait for him to start chatting away. He talks total gibberish at the moment but it is so funny to listen to.
Been a bit of a boring few days as we've been ill so not done very much at all! Hoping for a good nights sleep tonight and that we are all feeling a bit better tomorrow so we can go to Jo Jingles! When you say Jo Jingles to Jacob now he starts clapping and jumping up and down, so fingers crossed (as always) that we get to sleep!!!

 Poorly day painting.

Pancakes for breakfast! 

Feeling very lucky!

Jacobs cough and cold had cleared up quite a lot by Tuesday evening so I didn't feel the need to cancel his appointment. I was so nervous about today, I hardly slept last night. Partly due to nerves and partly due to Jacob coming into our bed at 2am. What have I done?! I really hope its just where he's been poorly. He normally just slips back into his normal routine otherwise I think I'm going to have to get the controlled crying method on the go again! Which I absolutely hate but it always seems to work! We were up at 5.30am this morning so we could leave around six. We always leave Jacob in bed until the last possible second so he doesn't have a chance to wake up and think "where's my milk?!" But as he was in our bed, his beady little eyes opened up the second Rich and me got out of bed! Typical! He was still very dozy so we managed to get ready while he just laid in bed talking to the dog. For the first time, I got all of Jacobs stuff ready the night before. We normally leave it until the morning because I always liked to do it last so I know if I need anything else. And then we always end up being late because I flaff about. So I made all his lunch, got all his clothes and toys and everything ready to go last night. And it was much less stressful this morning.
It was so strange being back at the hospital after six weeks off, it felt like ages but at the same time, only felt like we were last there yesterday. Its weird because you see the same nurses and doctors and staff every time, you get to know them and they get to know you so I was quite looking forward to seeing everyone. Jacob made himself at home straightaway, throwing his ball around and running about like he owned the place. I could tell he was getting hungry because he started to get ever so slightly more grumpy every time he threw his ball and then had to go get it. And then he spotted his lunch bag under the stroller. Total mummy fail. I normally put it straight into the fridge in the ward kitchen but must have just forgotten. He went MENTAL. Absolutely crazed. Just as I was trying to calm him down and explain (pointlessly) why he couldn't eat, the nurses came in and said they were ready for him in theatre. We have never changed him into his gown and ran out of there to theatre quicker!
He was only gone half an hour again which is always a good sign because with treatment, he's normally about an hour. Again, we tried not to get our hopes up. But when the doctors came round and said he was stable again, I just burst into tears. Rich and me had both gone into today thinking he would need treatment so we couldn't believe it when they said he's still stable. We were allowed to go quite quickly after so were out of there by 11 which I think is a record! We are back in six weeks again. So another long break!

He finally got to wear his UGG boots as it was so cold this morning!

I was way too excited about his sticker!

Going home.

Crazy family selfie.

We went to Pets Corner this week with my friend Sarah which is a little petting zoo/farm near where we live. Jacob loves animals and for the first time I let him run around on his own. Although he was just running around not too interested in anything except the ducks and birds. He is so brave, he was just running at the ducks and geese and chickens like they were nothing. I'm terrified of ducks and geese, especially those ones as they're vicious little things! He was going right up to the chicken coop, at one point I thought he was going in! We had our first "I don't want to get back in my stroller" tantrum, the full arched back, kicking legs kind of tantrum. I did win, eventually. I think it was mostly down to him being tired though!

Jacob loves the "That's not my..." book collection, and I think they're brilliant too. They're touch and feel books and there's so many of them! I've become a bit obsessed with buying him them, and Rich said about my obsession to his friends at work, and he came home on Tuesday with a big pile of them that one of his work friends found at a fête over the weekend! My friend Sarah also bought him 3 new ones too, so he has ended up with about 8 new ones this week. It's lucky he doesn't quite "get" presents yet or I may have a spoilt little boy on my hands. Verruca Salt anyone?! 

I think I may have a problem...