Jacob the eye removal expert.

The title says it all really. Jacob has become a pro at removing his eye. He's learnt that he can stick his finger in it and it doesn't hurt. Which is officially a nightmare. The best one so far was when we were at Lakeside Shopping Centre and people were looking at him a bit peculiar, and as a lot of people don't notice his eye unless we tell them, I knew he'd done something. So when I looked into the stroller, of course he'd gotten it out. He is so good when he has it taken out now, he just sits there so I just put it back there and then in the middle of the shopping centre. I can do it without Rich having to hold him still which has made me much less worried about him getting it out when Rich isn't home now. 

I'm sure it's the start of what will be some interesting stories to tell when he's older.

We haven't been to a big shopping centre like Lakeside since Jacob has been able to walk and gotten so demanding! He was really good and was quite happy to sit in his stroller. We did let him loose in the Disney store which was quite funny. He went straight for the Jake and the Neverland Pirates toys then became quite attached to a Minnie Mouse hoover. He went absolutely nuts when it was time to put it back and to leave the shop. Full blown tantrum central. We are really trying hard to ignore them because we have noticed that he checks if we are looking at him mid-tantrum. I think he must be getting to that extra clever, button pushing, what can I get away with phase. 

We had dinner in Wimpy just because it was easiest, and Rich is absolutely obsessed with Wimpy. I cannot remember the last time I had one, and I didn't really rate it to be honest. Jacob didn't seem like much of a fan either as most of his dinner ended up on the floor. The waitresses didn't seem to mind though as he gave them his "butter wouldn't melt" face. Definitely getting smart!

Jacob had a lunchdate with my friend Francesca's little boy Roman this week. They spent the day waffling away to each other in baby language while we sat catching up on grown up stuff. (Gossiping and moaning about being tired!)

Wimpy!

We had a wedding to go to on Sunday in Oxford and it's the first time I would ever be leaving Jacob for such a long period of time and being so far away. I have been so nervous about it, so much that I really considered not going. And since he's been able to remove his eye, it's really made me realise that he is a bit different to other children, and it isn't a case of someone just babysitting.  They need to know what to do if he moves or takes out his eye. If it gets lost, what one do they put in. So it does make me really nervous. Jacob spent the afternoon with my mum and stepdad, which he's never done before so I was a bit worried about if he'd behave. But mum said he was really good and she really enjoyed it. Although she was absolutely knackered afterwards. Then Soph had him for dinner and bedtime. She stayed at our house with him until we got home as we thought it would probably be best as he's never stayed away from us so may not have settled. We are going to try him staying out the night but only when we are round the corner. We had a really lovely time at the wedding, and it was really nice to go out just Rich and me as we still haven't really had a night out just us two. We got home at 2am and Jacob was awake at 4! I didn't really drink because I knew I'd be up early with Jacob. I was naughty and brought him into our bed at four, he went back to sleep until six but then it was party time. I've been at total zombie all day today. We had a little play date today with Jonah and Eva. Now Jacob's walking, it's so much funnier to watch them all together. Although, towards the end of the day, Jacob started to hit Jonah and kept laughing when told "no." I have no idea where he has learnt this from, I'm hoping it's a phase and that he doesn't realise that what he is doing isn't very nice. I know he is being very testing at the moment and trying to see what he can get away with, so we are trying to set boundaries. We are trying the distraction technique at the moment and just moving him away from the situation or whatever he may be doing that he shouldn't be. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

Just us two. It was so strange to spend the whole day without Jacob. I love getting dressed up to go out, but my god, I hate wearing loads of make up! I couldn't wait to get home and scrub my face. A true sign of motherhood I'm told!

September is global Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, it is so important for people to know the signs of childhood cancer. I didn't and if I had, Jacob may not have lost his eye. So if you follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, you can expect lots of statuses and pictures so please share them if you can! 

Amazing friends.

As a family, we have been so lucky with the support we've recieved from family, friends and strangers. I honesty can't value peoples support enough. I have a group of friends that have all had babies around the same time so all of our kids have no more than a couple of months between them. It has been amazing to watch them grow up together and although they say not to compare, if it wasn't for my friends babies, I may have not realised there was something wrong with Jacob. My friend Laura had her little boy Jonah 11 days after Jacob. And since they were a few weeks old we've seen each other every week, sometimes twice. When Jacob was about 12 weeks old, so Jonah was about 10 weeks, Laura came over for a play date. Although at 10 and 12 weeks, it was more like a nap date and we would sit and drink tea and eat chocolate digestives by the packet. Jonah's eyes would follow me around the room, watch everything I was doing. And it was then I realised something really wasn't right with Jacob. He didn't watch or follow. He wasn't interested in anything. Jonah's eyes locked onto me. And Jacob just stared into space. It was this night after my sister noticed it too, that I finally decided to have a little look online and google the white reflection in Jacobs eye. To which all that came up was "Retinoblastoma." I just knew that was what he had. I'd spent the last six weeks telling everyone he was blind and to be told I was being crazy and perhaps he just hadn't developed as quickly as other kids. But as soon as it came up on google, I just knew it was that. We went straight to A & E, where they referred us to the eye clinic the next day. And it was then that they said they think that's what Jacob had. They can't "officially" diagnose as it is such a rare disease and only a few doctors in the country specialise in it. But I knew it was that. Mothers instinct they say. I thought that was a load of rubbish when I'd heard about it before. But now, if you're a mum, you know best. No matter what. You may be overreacting or panicking. But mothers instinct is powerful. I know. 

I can't even tell you how grateful I am that Laura came round that day. I still say to this day that if it wasn't for her and Jonah, I may have left it longer and Jacobs condition may have been a lot worse than it is.  

Since then, we have become so close. All of my friends have been so wonderful. Laura and Katherine were two of the first people I told when we found out about Jacob. Katherine has Eva, who is 11 days older than Jacob. She is hilarious. Has the boys wrapped round her little finger, much to her dads dismay! They never ever treated Jacob or me any different, no head tilts, no pity faces. We just carried on as normal. And it was so amazing. On bad days, I can explode onto them and they are so unbelievably honest with me. And sometimes that is exactly what I need. Laura can just say something and it's like a slap in the face and makes me realise that I'm being an idiot or talking rubbish. And normally I'd probably cry at someone being so brutally honest with me, but since Jacob got poorly, it is so appreciated. Because I can get wrapped up in me sometimes and it's so nice to have someone there to snap me out of it. But on the other hand, they remind me that it's okay to be upset and to be angry and to cry. I cannot value their friendship highly enough. And even though we've only been really close for a year, I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without them. As with all of my other friends with children, the friendship that you have together as mothers is so amazing. At the risk of sounding a bit hippy like, it really is an amazing bond you have. From talking about teething, to sleep troubles to explosive nappies, it is so amazing to know that, chances are, everyone is in the same boat. And you're not the only one awake at 3am scrambling under the cot for a dummy, or not the only one on the brink of a meltdown because you're so tired. I am very lucky to have the friends I have, especially when at times, I probably haven't been the best friend I could be because I've been too busy because of a blood transfusion or a line infection or another doctors trip. Jacob is so so lucky to have such wonderful people in his life.  When he was first diagnosed, we were overwhelmed with the generosity of people. Whether it was gifts, or money, or just the unbelievable support of people. Including strangers. It reminds you that there are still some amazing people in this world that also has so much negativity in it. And that is something worth remembering.

Eva and Jacob. 

 

Big J and little J. Joney and Jakey. 

The first official meeting of the troublesome trio.