Hating the world.

It's very rare that I cry about Jacob being poorly anymore. It's been part of our lives for so long that it is just that, life. But last night and tonight I've cried alot. He will be having the intra-arterial chemo as his next line of treatment. Even though I know we're not, it somehow feels like we are back at the beginning. It is probably the impending 3 weekly trips to Great Ormond Street again, the word "chemo" again, the worry again. I feel so sad again. I know a few people who are going through something huge and life changing at the moment and none of it for the better and all I can think is, "how can life be so cruel?" I didn't want to be all doom and gloom on this blog, but I also started it as a sort of diary. And today is a "hate the world" day. Tomorrow probably will be too. All I want to do is scoop Jacob up and cuddle him until it all goes away. But that wouldn't work. Mainly because you can't keep that boy still for more than thirty seconds. And because sitting around hating the world won't make anything better. Jacob is still a completely normal two (almost 3!) year old little boy. And I want him to carry on with his normal life, not to see his Mum miserable and world hating. So the hating is just here for you to read. And if you don't want to read it, come back next week when I might be feeling more positive. I'll try and have something happier to write about. Truth is, I have lots of nice things to write about. The amazing support we have received from friends and family. The kind words. The offers of help. But right now, I just want to get the not so nice off my chest.

Another short blog. But I wanted to write something. And now I'm going to go scream into my pillow...just joking. I need sleep. And I'm sure one of my little monsters will be awake soon enough. Catch the winks while you can and all that...