Three becomes four...

Well five if you include the dog...

Alba Maxwell Wright arrived 6 days late on Thursday June 4th at 10.57am. She weighed a nice 8lbs 9 and a half ounces. Exactly one pound more than her big brother. And I'm pretty sure that whole extra pound was in her cheeks. 

I had started to get pretty fed up by the time I'd reached 40 weeks. Well pretty fed up is an understatement, I was extremely pissed off. Jacob was a day early and apparently subsequent babies arrive earlier. I now do not believe any of these old wives tales. None of them. I did everything to get this baby out. She was having none of it. So when I woke up at 4.30am on that Thursday with what I was certain was contractions, you'd think I'd have been overjoyed. Except the reality of having another baby hit me and I started freaking out. I was worried I wouldn't actually know I was in labour as I was so uncomfortable and in pain for the last few weeks, but my god, when it starts for real, you know. It all came crashing back. By 6am my contractions has sped up to every 3-5 minutes so my sister got her nice wake up call to come and collect Jacob and we went off to the hospital. Four and a half hours later, our last piece to our family puzzle arrived. And she is perfect. 

Labour this time round was a lot more painful and as she was in a rush to get out, I only had gas and air for the pain. Although I begged for an epidural! Alba needed her lungs inflated and oxygen when she was born which was very scary and after the longest two minutes of my whole life, she screamed the place down. And hasn't stopped since! It is amazing how different two babies can be. Jacob wasn't a very clingy baby at all, hardly ever wanted feeding, I remember if I stopped feeding to wind him, he would refuse to take anymore so it was a total challenge to see how much milk he would take before it was absolutely necessary to wind him. Alba however loves mummy cuddles, which is lovely, but also very challenging with a two year old fighting for attention too! She also loves her milk! She had actually gained weight at her five day check, and has been stuffing her face since. It's good to know she's doing well though. She was also tested for the cancer gene which Jacob carries and she got the all clear! Which is amazing. If there was even a 1% chance she had it, she would need screening under general anaesthetic for the first few years of her life. So to say we were over the moon would be an understatement. The doctor who called with the results must have wondered what was going on as I was absolutely hysterical on the phone. I'd blame it on the hormones, but I'm pretty sure I'd have been the same with or without them!

Jacob also turned two while I've been neglecting this blog! He has changed so much in the last month. There are new words coming out of his mouth almost daily, and it is so nice to be able to get answers from him when I ask questions. Although if I ask what he wants for lunch, the answer is always "cakey". Someone has developed a major sweet tooth recently and also become a bit slack with teeth brushing. Not a good combination. He has some time on the naughty step most evenings now when it comes to brushing his teeth. But we get there in the end! Alot of his naughty habits have come around in the last few weeks since Alba arrived, which I completely expected so I have allowed a little bit more breathing space than normal as I am sure it is an unbelievably unsettling time for him. He is an amazing big brother though which makes up for a lot of it. He is so good with her, although we've had a few instances where he has tried to feed her his breakfast. Again, expected.

Rich went back to work yesterday, so it's just me and the babies, and we are now most of the way through Tuesday and we are all still here. So that's a good sign to me! I'm sure it will be a different story by Thursday!

A few things I've learnt in the 19 days of being a mother of a newborn and a toddler..

• When the toddler naps, the baby is guaranteed to cry and wake said toddler up, and vice versa. They're a scheming duo.

• You will feel like you spend your whole day changing nappies.

• A shower is a total luxury, a bath is like winning the lottery.

• You will eat more biscuits and drink more tea than your body knows how to deal with.

• The tiredness isn't any easier second time round. If anything, it's tougher. I've actually drank Red Bull in a bid to stay awake.

• Your washing machine is never empty, and most of the time you will leave a wash in there for two days and end up washing it another 3 times before remembering to hang it on the line.

• Your toddler now gets to play with anything they want while you feed the baby. Including the dog poo you didn't pick up from the garden. (This actually happened today.)

• Your toddler now gets to eat a lot more crap than usual, and play on their iPad a lot more than usual. Despite me swearing this wouldn't happen.

• You'll surprise yourself at the things you can do with one hand. I actually learnt this the first time round but the list gets longer the second time, such as change a toddlers nappy.

• The feeling you get when you catch your usually rogue toddler stroking his little sisters head is indescribable.

• The same as when both babies are curled up on you on the sofa.

I was scared that I wouldn't love her as much as Jacob and didn't know how it would be possible, but my friend said something her mum told her, "you just have more love" Even if you didn't think it was possible, it is. And I genuinely couldn't imagine life without her now. Even when she is screaming the house down and waking Jacob up at 3am. But please do me a favour, if you see me in the street, don't tell me how much of a mess I look, or be offended if I cant remember your name. I just about remember my own.

CHECT Members Weekend.

So the sleepless nights have continued, and I honestly haven't had the energy to write a blog until now. And to be honest, we haven't done much where Jacob has been so grouchy from lack of sleep, which has therefore made me grouchy. I tried the controlled crying to get Jacob to stay in his cot after coming into our bed for two weeks, on the first night, I gave in after half an hour of absolute blood curdling screams (our neighbours definitely hate us) and on the second night, he went back off on his own after about twenty minutes. But was up at 5.15am. And the next day was a ridiculous o'clock start again. I really don't know which I prefer! In our bed he will sleep until around 7.30am which is glorious, but I get hardly any sleep due to the little size 3 tootsies in my back/ribs/eye.

We went away to the CHECT members weekend this weekend gone and I knew there was no point in taking a travel cot as Jacob wouldn't sleep in one the last time we went away, so we just accepted that he would be sleeping in with us and hope that coming home would be a new start to him sleeping back in his own cot.
The weekend was at the Northamptonshire Billing Aquadrome holiday park. I have never stayed in a caravan in my life so didn't really know what to expect. Sophie, Ross, Teddy, Aaron and Lou came too so we had one of those huge static mobile home things. It was so cold in there! And I didn't really pack as well as I should have, I just launched loads of stuff into a bag and hoped that would do. What I didn't pack, and really wished I did, was socks. I had freezing cold feet both nights. Caravans should carry a cold warning label. Or I should just think about where I'm going and pack more appropriately. 
It was really lovely to see some of the families we've become familiar with over the last year or so. I met a lady at the Carrots Nightwalk last year who's little boy had an enucleation, and she made me feel so much better about the whole situation and I hadn't seen her since so it was really nice to catch up with her too. There was also a family who we last saw when they found out their little girl was to have her eye enucleated, which was obviously a huge day for them, and it turns out they were staying in the caravan next to us which was brilliant. I had asked about their little girl everytime we were at RLH but because of patient confidentiality, they wasn't allowed to tell me how she was doing. But she seemed absolutely amazing, and she really took a shine to Jacob which was adorable. 

The weekend was really overwhelming in a way. It was like everyone had this mutual respect for each other because you all know what the other has been through or is going through. Everyone was so friendly and you all had something to talk about together. 
On Saturday, CHECT arranged for everyone to have dinner together in the main venue and then it was followed by an open mic night. It was amazing. All of the girls, nicknamed the "CHECT Princesses" performed "Let it go" from Frozen, which Jacob was absolutely mesmerised by. They had most of the people in tears, including me obviously. I was sobbing by the end, I had to rush back over to our table to hide because I literally couldn't stop. It was so amazing to see such a brave group of girls. Most of them had an artificial eye, and it made me feel so positive for Jacob. They were so confident. Since Jacob had his eye removed, I constantly think about how he will grow up. Will he be confident? Will he let it hold him back? And if those girls are anything to go by, these kids are so brave, I have nothing to worry about with my little bulldozer. 
The CHECT staff also performed "Like A Prayer" which was brilliant! It wasn't until this weekend that I realised that the charity actually only have 9 members of staff. It is unbelievable how much difference such a small group of people can make to so many families. Lesley, our support worker is like a family member now, she is absolutely amazing and you could ring her up for any little thing and she will always have time for you. Jacob actually held his arms out to her this weekend too which was a big deal! He doesn't go to anybody, so I think she was really pleased! 

We left quite early on Sunday, just so we knew Jacob would sleep on the way home as he doesn't do well on long car journeys! He was really unsettled at bedtime last night too, which we half expected, but he did stay in his own cot until 5am, which wasn't too bad. I did bring him in with us, mainly because I knew after the late nights at the weekends, he needed more sleep, and he crashed straight out again until 8am, which was lovely!

There were so many lovely photos from this weekend so I apologise in advance if you get bored looking through them!

   

Feeling very lucky!

Jacobs cough and cold had cleared up quite a lot by Tuesday evening so I didn't feel the need to cancel his appointment. I was so nervous about today, I hardly slept last night. Partly due to nerves and partly due to Jacob coming into our bed at 2am. What have I done?! I really hope its just where he's been poorly. He normally just slips back into his normal routine otherwise I think I'm going to have to get the controlled crying method on the go again! Which I absolutely hate but it always seems to work! We were up at 5.30am this morning so we could leave around six. We always leave Jacob in bed until the last possible second so he doesn't have a chance to wake up and think "where's my milk?!" But as he was in our bed, his beady little eyes opened up the second Rich and me got out of bed! Typical! He was still very dozy so we managed to get ready while he just laid in bed talking to the dog. For the first time, I got all of Jacobs stuff ready the night before. We normally leave it until the morning because I always liked to do it last so I know if I need anything else. And then we always end up being late because I flaff about. So I made all his lunch, got all his clothes and toys and everything ready to go last night. And it was much less stressful this morning.
It was so strange being back at the hospital after six weeks off, it felt like ages but at the same time, only felt like we were last there yesterday. Its weird because you see the same nurses and doctors and staff every time, you get to know them and they get to know you so I was quite looking forward to seeing everyone. Jacob made himself at home straightaway, throwing his ball around and running about like he owned the place. I could tell he was getting hungry because he started to get ever so slightly more grumpy every time he threw his ball and then had to go get it. And then he spotted his lunch bag under the stroller. Total mummy fail. I normally put it straight into the fridge in the ward kitchen but must have just forgotten. He went MENTAL. Absolutely crazed. Just as I was trying to calm him down and explain (pointlessly) why he couldn't eat, the nurses came in and said they were ready for him in theatre. We have never changed him into his gown and ran out of there to theatre quicker!
He was only gone half an hour again which is always a good sign because with treatment, he's normally about an hour. Again, we tried not to get our hopes up. But when the doctors came round and said he was stable again, I just burst into tears. Rich and me had both gone into today thinking he would need treatment so we couldn't believe it when they said he's still stable. We were allowed to go quite quickly after so were out of there by 11 which I think is a record! We are back in six weeks again. So another long break!

He finally got to wear his UGG boots as it was so cold this morning!

I was way too excited about his sticker!

Going home.

Crazy family selfie.

We went to Pets Corner this week with my friend Sarah which is a little petting zoo/farm near where we live. Jacob loves animals and for the first time I let him run around on his own. Although he was just running around not too interested in anything except the ducks and birds. He is so brave, he was just running at the ducks and geese and chickens like they were nothing. I'm terrified of ducks and geese, especially those ones as they're vicious little things! He was going right up to the chicken coop, at one point I thought he was going in! We had our first "I don't want to get back in my stroller" tantrum, the full arched back, kicking legs kind of tantrum. I did win, eventually. I think it was mostly down to him being tired though!

Jacob loves the "That's not my..." book collection, and I think they're brilliant too. They're touch and feel books and there's so many of them! I've become a bit obsessed with buying him them, and Rich said about my obsession to his friends at work, and he came home on Tuesday with a big pile of them that one of his work friends found at a fête over the weekend! My friend Sarah also bought him 3 new ones too, so he has ended up with about 8 new ones this week. It's lucky he doesn't quite "get" presents yet or I may have a spoilt little boy on my hands. Verruca Salt anyone?! 

I think I may have a problem...

4am is the new 7am.

Oh my gosh, I don't think I've been this tired since Jacob was first born. We've recently decided that afternoon naps are no longer necessary (again) and that its completely normal to get up for the day at 4am. He's just gone down for a nap and it's only 8.30, which is going to ruin his whole day now. Yes, I am a routine drill Sargent. Jacob has always had the same sort of routine so if anything changes, it just messes up his whole day. So the 8.30am nap means he will be an absolute grotbag by around 1pm. And if he skips his afternoon nap again, he will be a total sleep deprived monster by bedtime and then we can do it all over again. We have been very lucky with Jacob going down to bed. From around six weeks old, he had a bath, bottle then bed. At first, he went in his Moses basket in our room and we'd leave him to go off on his own, although for the first few nights, I would sit outside our room or peer round the door until he went to sleep. Then he went into his own room at 3 and a half months as he filled his Moses basket and we wanted him to be used to it before his chemo started as we didn't want an upheaval when he would be feeling rubbish anyway. The times obviously changed as he got older and settled more into a routine with feeding and daily naps and bedtime slowly dropped from 10pm to 7pm which it is now. Although last night he went to bed at 6pm as he was so tired. I wish babies understood when you explained to them that if they slept, they wouldn't feel so pooped. Jacob just looks at me like I'm mad when he's throwing a wobbly and I'm stood there going "well Jacob, if you'd have slept or gotten up at a normal time this would be happening right now would it." I just get another scream as a response.
So right now, with the first bit of quiet I've had since 4.45am, I am torn between having a nap, washing my hair or having a cup of tea (as I couldn't drink the first one I made due to my insane little monster refusing to allow me to sit still.)

...So, I opted for all three, and managed to squeeze them all in! Well I didn't really have a nap, just laid on the bed revelling in the silence. And I don't think I've ever enjoyed a cup of tea more in my life. Jacob slept for around two hours, and woke up in a reasonably good mood! We've started going for a walk after his morning nap, just to kill some time really because he normally is quite miserable between his morning nap and lunch. Plus it builds up his appetite a bit! We've had some trouble with him eating since we've been letting him sit at his little table and chairs to eat, he gets up and looses interest quite quickly. He still eats, but just takes a lot longer and then he gets bored. So I think we may go back to the booster seat at the table.
My dad and step mum came over with my little sister this afternoon, and for the first time, I saw Jacob being a bit of a monkey with sharing his toys. My little sister is nearly 3 so she's still learning about sharing too. But Jacob was trying to take everything Katie picked up. And he was not happy when I took it back to Katie. This age is definitely living up to its reputation as "the hard stage." My happy, independent boy has become a miserable clingbot. He woke up from his afternoon nap extremely unhappy and sat on my lap eating his rice cakes through groans and moans. Rich played some ball with him when he got home from work so I could cook dinner, which probably would have proved a mission with Jacob hanging off my leg! I feel like I constantly repeat myself, but I really hope he sleeps better tonight!

We went to Wild & Wacky as usual on Monday and to Jo Jingles. Jacob really enjoyed himself. He climbed around all of the soft play and went up to the slide all by himself which he never normally does. And he stood up and participated in most of Jo Jingles. He was hilarious, just wandering around like he owned the place. 

 The troublesome twosome...

 "Participate" also means "eat the instruments."

 Walking.

 We went to the park on Tuesday to try and burn some energy so Jacob had an afternoon nap. It failed.

 Jacob is obsessed with this tree stump in the woods behind our house. 

Cruising in Jacob's car.

I am arranging a fundraiser for The Childhood Eye Cancer Trust as I couldn't make the Carrots Night walk this year, which we did last year and raised an unbelievable £7000! In all honesty, I just totally forgot to sign up this year which is a bummer because I really wanted to do it as it was quite good fun and I met some amazing people last year. So, to ease my guilt for being useless and forgetting, I have decided to throw a children's Halloween Disco. Originally, I was going to just have a Halloween party at home for my friends and their children, but my friend suggested we turn it into a fundraiser. So since last week, I have been planning that! It's quite stressful but people have been so generous with raffle prizes and donations. Its so lovely to know there are people out there who want to help. I'm sure it will be worth all the stress and worry on the day! And I cannot wait to dress Jacob up in some crazy costume!

More tantrums & Ice bucket challenges.

It's been a tiring couple of nights since Friday. We are still battling the transition from two to one nap and it's so hard! On Friday night, Jacob spent an hour screaming the house down at 2am before I gave in and brought him into our bed. He slept til 8.15 which was lovely, but it would have been much nicer if he was in his own bed! It was really nice for us all to wake up together and just relax in bed for a while, we don't normally get to do it because it's either too early so I come downstairs with Jacob, or we have somewhere to be. If it's a morning where we haven't got to be somewhere, I will normally bring Jacob into our room from his and we will watch tv and all have our cup of tea in bed, but it is so rare that this happens! Because Jacob woke up at 8.15, I thought he would skip his morning nap and have just the one after lunch, but bang on 10am, he wanted his morning nap. He slept for about half an hour, which seemed to be enough for the rest of the day, because despite extreme tantrums and crying and hanging off of me everywhere I went, the little boy did not want to sleep! We tried to put him down in his cot a few times after seeing the "tired" signs. This is normally the crankiness and he gets very whingey, and starts tugging at his ears and poking his artificial eye (which is just lovely.) We needed to pop out, and low and behold, Jacob fell asleep in the car at 5pm. I try really hard not to let him sleep past 4pm otherwise he is an absolute nightmare to get to bed because he's like a supercharged Duracell bunny if he sleeps past then. He had about 20 minutes in the car so was not a happy bunny when we woke him up for dinner. He's started to go to bed at 7pm too as his daytime sleeping has gone up the wall, and last night he just wasn't having any of it. He absolutely screamed the house down for an hour, it was so hard not to go up and sit with him, but we've done controlled crying with him before and it does work for us. So every ten minutes or so, I was going in, laying him back down and leaving again. My dad was visiting and after about five attempts he was like "it's a tantrum! He knows you'll go up, so just leave him!" I really hate it because he does get himself into such a state. I left it 15 minutes, and he went quiet, then five minutes later he was asleep. A crazy part of me thought that he'd sleep through as he'd wiped himself out throught his tantrum. But nope, 3am this morning and he was off again. I refused to give in this time as it would have been the 5th night this week he came into our bed. After 45 minutes of screaming and launching dummies across the hallway, I just stood next to his cot and he fell asleep. Probably another bad habit to get into, but one step at a time! He slept through until 7.15, so I can cope with that for today. My friend said it could be night terrors, as she had the same troubles with her little girl around this age. She said if you rouse them slightly around two hours after they go to sleep, it disturbs the sleep and therefore disturbs the pattern. So we are going to try that tonight! 

Jacob hasn't stopped toddling around now and everyone said how much harder it becomes once they're walking. But to be honest, I haven't found it much different, he is such a bulldozer anyway and climbs absolutely everything so I've had to have eyes in the back of my head for about 8 months now! The trouble now is that he actually wants to walk EVERYWHERE. In the supermarket, to the car, and if the front door opens, he's up on his feet and running for it! The neighbours must think I'm awful to live with because when I pick him up and close the door, the screams are like somebody is being murdered. We at currently battling the word "no." Jacob thinks it's the funniest word in the world because when I point and say "noooooo" in that voice that every parent seems to say it in, he just laughs at me. And then I laugh because I can't get over how cheeky he is. So it's going to be a tough one I think. Any tips!?

My little climber.

I could watch these two playing together for hours.

I did the "ALS Ice Bucket Challenge" tonight after being nominated by my sister. I think these things are such a brilliant idea, as long as people actually donate. I hated the "no make-up selfie" campaign to begin with as a lot of people were just using it as an excuse to post a picture and get likes, and not actually donate. After Cancer Research got onto it and people started donating, it was brilliant. So with the ALS challenge, I am all for it if people are donating, although watching people soak themselves with ice cold water is brilliant in itself. I did two buckets as I wanted to donate to CHECT too. They are such an amazing charity and I know it sounds silly, but I felt like I was cheating on them! Haha. Below is the video of me getting a soaking! It was SO cold. 

Good luck to anyone who gets nominated, and please make sure you donate! 

WE NEED SLEEP!

So after the horrendous Saturday night with Jacob, I'd hoped that Sunday night might have seen him get back to his normal sleep habits. But apparently somebody thought it would be funny to leave me with the no sleeping, screaming infant as opposed to the sleeping (most of the time) quiet baby I'm used to. It was bang on the same time as Saturday night that he woke up. 11.30pm. After an hour, I gave in again and brought him into our bed. I knooooow it's bad! But I was so tired. Not that it made much difference because he fidgeted all night and then wanted to get up at 5.30. Talk about torture! I think the issue is that Jacob is ready to drop one of his daytime naps but it is so hard to try and work it out so that he doesn't go too early or too late. Yesterday we tried just the one nap after lunch. He only had around an hour which is a lot less than the 3 hours he would have over two naps but last night he went to bed earlier than usual, so 7pm instead of 8pm and slept through! So I had planned to stick to that today, but his second set of immunisations were today and apparently they give them sleeping drugs of some kind because as soon as we got in the car, he crashed out. At 10am!!! This was completely not part of my master plan!!! He's gone to bed okay, but I don't expect another sleep through! He has been quite grumpy today after his immunisations, and he got quite poorly last time after around 10 days so I'm hoping these ones don't go the same way. He did have the MMR on his first lot and I've heard that can be the one that wipes them out. He only had two today as opposed to five vaccines so fingers crossed he's okay this time!

Post imms snooze.

I got rid of Jacobs huge highchair today, it was a really lovely wooden one which also converted into a table and chairs but I really wanted him to have a booster seat that goes on our dining chairs so he can sit at the table with us. We try to all eat dinner together every night unless we are obviously having a late one. So I like for Jacob to sit at the table with us. I bought him a "Munchkin" travel booster seat. It was a right bargain at £14 and it folds up and looks like a bag so you can take it out with you. Obviously I'm not going to strut around the town centre with it, but it's handy to chuck in the car if we are going to my mums or something. He really loved it, but as always, most of his food made it's way to the floor. It was nice for him to actually be at the table with us too. 

Before the mess...

Oh dear...

Bathtime.

Im actually contemplating going to bed already and it's only 8pm. Wish me luck for tonight!