A tough few weeks.

I was no way prepared for how tough the last intra-arterial chemo aftermath was going to be. When we were discharged from hospital on the Wednesday, I thought "Yes! All done, my little beast can get back to normal." But I was wrong. Since the Thursday, so nearly 3 weeks ago, Jacob's vision has quickly deteriorated to almost nothing. We've had so many bumps to the head, I've lost count. The worst being Jacob riding full speed on his scuttlebug into a concrete post outside our house. He's got a lovely, big graze on his forehead as a souvenir for that one. He screamed nursery down when I dropped him off on the Monday after. And he has NEVER cried. Why is it you feel like the worst mother ever when that happens? Anyway, he woke up on the Tuesday even worse so I kept him home for the day. Rich took a days holiday from work to stay home and help me as Jacob needs constant supervision. He still thinks he can run around like usual. His vision was poor after the first cycle, not the second, so I thought this would be a breeze. Nope. It's just heartbreaking to watch him feeling his way around. His depth perception has gone, so he's missing steps and kerbs too. If I could give him my eyes, I would in a flash. I spoke to his nurses at The Royal London Hospital and they've said just to keep and eye on him and it should slowly return to normal but after it wasn't improving, they pulled his appointment forward a week to last Wednesday. I felt sick with nerves the whole time, he was back from theatre quite quickly and wasn't too distressed which is always good. The doctor finally came to see us about 3 hours later, and said that Jacob's optic nerve is extremely swollen and he has alot of blood spots in his eye. They injected him with yellow dye to see how the blood flowed and it was quite restricted in his eye which means there isn't alot of oxygen getting to the muscles, making his vision bad as the eye can't work how it's supposed to. Jacob was an interesting shade when he came back around, and it wasn't until the doctor told us that we realised that was why! So, again we were told we will just have to wait and see what happens with Jacob's eye. The good news is that the tumour has responded "beautifully" to the IAC! Which is amazing. Fingers crossed that'll be the end of the horrible, little thing!

Jacobs consultant decided that Jacob should have a course of steroids to hopefully help speed up recovery on his eye. He is meant to have them for a week after IAC but it was in liquid form and we couldn't get him to take it no matter how much bribing we did. So they prescribed pills which we could crush up and put into anything. So, Jacob's been having 3 fruit shoots a day. Not the best but if it helps his eye recover quickly, I can deal with the rotting teeth after! I have managed to start putting his morning dose into his cereal which is great. We were told he would probably behave a bit wacky and have a crazy appetite with the steroids. Well, wacky doesn't even cover it. He has become a completely different child. He has not stopped crying, wanting to be carried everywhere and only by Rich. If I even touch him, he goes absolutely bananas. I think we've had about two smiles out of him in the last two weeks. It's absolutely breaking my heart to see him this way, and I keep having moments where I just cry. There's nothing we can do to make him feel better. Rich is back to work tomorrow and I am so nervous for the week ahead. I hate that I can't comfort him, and I hate that he doesn't want me to either. All I hope is that he goes back to the happy, cheeky little boy I had before all of this.

Jacob was 3 last Sunday. THREE! I can't believe it. He had an okay day, not like he would have if his vision was 100% but it was still nice. He asked for a roast dinner for dinner, Rich was very pleased! So we had family over and all had dinner and cake together. He got totally spoilt. Him and Alba had a joint party yesterday as she is one on Saturday. (Don't even get me started on that one, I've been an emotional wreck about that too.) Jacob had an okay time, he was glad to see some of his friends and they all played on his new trampoline. He got a bit overwhelmed which I expected, and he was absolutely shattered after and flaked on the sofa.

Today has been really tough again. I feel awful for Rich as he has had to take Jacob absolutely everywhere with him, to get a drink, to the toilet! It's insane. It was so draining for me when Rich wasn't home last week, and he's even worse this week so I dread to think how he feels. We have tried to leave Jacob to cry it out a little bit, but he gets in such a state and then Alba gets really upset. So we are just doing everything we can to try and keep him calm. Another side effect is that his appetite has increased, ALOT. The food that boy is shovelling away is crazy! I had to go to Tesco today to stock up on pretty much everything as he just hasn't stopped eating! I shouldn't complain as getting food into him is such a challenge. He is on these tablets until Friday, and I cannot wait for them to be out of his system and hopefully get back to normal. I miss my happy boy.

Back at it.

Jacob had another check up on Wednesday where we received the news that the stubborn little tumour in his left eye isn't giving up and the retinal detachment isn't getting any better so he will need further treatment. As cryotherapy is no longer an option due to the damage it is causing to his eye, they are going to try either the radioactive plaque, which we knew was an option. Or intra-arterial chemotherapy. That nasty little C word again. There's alot of those isn't there!? There are a few side effects with IAC, not as many as regular chemotherapy but still. IAC is when a catheter is inserted through a vein in the groin and fed up into the affected eye. The vein can collapse or spasm which stops the catheter going in and therefore the procedure will be cancelled and then they try again maybe the following week. It can also cause Jacobs blood pressure to drop very quickly and then they require adrenaline. Which is the scariest part for me and why I am leaning much more towards the plaque. They can also lose their lashes, eyebrow and sometimes some hair at the front and it can cause their eyelid to temporarily droop but again, it is so different for everyone. I had totally prepared myself for the possibility of the plaque so when Jacobs consultant said this, I wasn't overly shocked. It was when the chemo was mentioned again that I panicked. We don't find out until Monday afternoon what they've decided will be the best course of treatment. I have tried not to think about it too much. Plus the babies and me all have a rotten cough and cold so we've been tackling that. Alba has slept through the night the last two nights though and I'm hoping it isn't because she is poorly. Jacob has also stayed in his bed all night too. He normally ends up in with us and he started demanding to lay on the outside of the bed on my pillow which is fabulous. I'll be wishing for sleepless nights again when they grow up and dont want to cuddle me.

It's been a while...

I've started writing about 20 blog posts and never get round to finishing them. So thought I'd better give it another go. New year and all!!

Soooo much has happened since I last wrote. The weather has gone from beautiful heat to bloody freezing! Alba is now an official crawling, jabbering, food throwing little person. Jacob is in nursery for 3 afternoons a week and has developed the attitude of a highly emotional teenager. And I've cut all of my hair off as loads of it fell out anyway. Oh post partum hair loss I love you. Oh, and I turned 30, but no need to talk about that.

Alba is now 7 and a half months old. She started crawling at the beginning of December and has been unstoppable since! I started weaning her quite early as her reflux was awful even with dairy free milk and medicines. It did reduce the amount of sick she was decorating the house and her clothes with so that was great. I changed her back to Aptamil follow on milk around a month ago as she was switched to the second stage dairy free milk and was projectile vomiting whole bottles so something in it didn't agree with her. I am absolutely loving weaning with her. I am a bit more carefree about what she eats compared to how I was with Jacob. Mostly because its sometimes easier for her and Jacob to have the same thing. So she has had nuggets and alphabites waaaaay before Jacob did! Oh and a few chocolate buttons here and there. *insert hands over eyes emoji here* She absolutely loves avocado and cheese which is great. Although I have noticed she's a bit of a lazy eater. I will offer her something and she will just hold her mouth open for me to hold it while she chews as opposed to holding it herself. She has her two bottom teeth already too.

Jacob started nursery in October and he loves it! I really thought I was going to have so much trouble with him going and settling in well. But his nursery are fantastic and he did about 4 weeks worth of settling in sessions which slowly increased in length until he started properly. He does 1-5 three afternoons a week. He is absolutely shattered by the time he gets home but that doesn't stop him waking up at crazy o clock and climbing into our bed! Both babies sleeping is very up and down but that's probably a whole other blog post. Ha. Jacobs speech has come along so much and you can have full conversations with him and there is very rarely something he says that I don't understand. AND...he is wearing PANTS!!! Only in the day and we are still having a fair few accidents but we are certainly getting there. He refused to use the potty at home but did at nursery to which I was obviously like "well we are doing this at home!!" It took a while but one day it just clicked. I did slow down over Christmas as it was obviously very chaotic but when the new year started he asked to wear pants and that was that. He's so tiny though, I had a nightmare finding some to fit him, but luckily Asda start their pants at 12-18 months which fit my little string bean fine.

Christmas was amazing, we stayed at home just us four, which was very calm but with Alba on the move too, I wanted to stay quite chilled out and not have to worry about chasing her around too much or her being trampled by the family. Haha. The kids got absolutely spoiled and I am still trying to find homes for the piles of toys. Very stressful when I hate clutter and mess.  

Two days before Christmas, Jacob had a check up at The Royal London Hospital, and unfortunately his tumour had relapsed again which was absolutely gutting. He had more cryotherapy and a nice sore eye in time for Christmas. He didn't let it hold him back though. He still had an amazing time and was so excited when he woke Christmas morning and "Father Pissmass" had been! We were back at RLH two weeks later and the tumour had responded well so no more treatment was required but the previous treatment had made his retina detach slightly so we are back on Wednesday to check that it's reattached and to hope the tumour has stayed stable. If not, he will be having a radioactive plaque as his next line of treatment as all of the cryotherapy has started damaging his eye and its too risky to carry on as he only has the one. I'll write more about that if it happens. But obviously fingers crossed it doesn't.

I could write and write with everything we've been upto the last six months but I'll be here forever. I plan on writing a bit more regularly again now. Plus Rich keeps shouting at me too as well. So keep popping back!

Here's a few pictures of what we've been upto recently... Although if you follow me on Instagram, you've probably already seen them!

So I thought I'd do this which actually shows how much of a crap blogger I am...the left is August, when I last wrote a blog and the right is now. Growing up so fast!

I say let's not talk about turning 30, but I actually had the most amazing birthday weekend and was thoroughly spoilt.

A few from Christmas: 

Jacob was given tickets for Disney on Ice at the O2. It was absolutely amazing! 

2 years.

Wow the last year has gone quick. Jacob had only just started walking this time last year. I was about to become pregnant. And Jacob was stable. So much has happened and although Jacob is back to having treatment, I know in another year from now things will probably be completely different again. Jacobs check up last week was a tough one again. He was an absolute sobbing wreck when I collected him from recovery after his EUA. The one good thing that happened this time was Jacob had fallen asleep before his turn to go down to theatre as he was second to last this time. He has never been that far down the list so I knew it was going to be hard. As soon as we got in the car in the morning, he was asking for a banana. He has a banana as soon as he gets up every single morning. Then when we got to the hospital, he was asking for juice. We managed to keep him entertained most of the morning with a ball, and we got to see Skylah again, who we met during chemotherapy. So they played together all morning, which was lovely. Jacob dosed off just before he was called to theatre so I carried him down as carefully as I could so he didn't wake. He jumped when they put the mask on him but then went straight back off to sleep. It was so much nicer than the crazed animal climbing all over me session we usually have. Jacobs consultant came to see pretty quick afterwards and explained he needed to give Jacob alot more cryotherapy as there is a little bulge on the tumour and it hadn't responded as well as they'd hoped. Absolutely gutted again, but it's just another bump in our road. It's so awful seeing Jacob in pain. He's older now and just cries so much more and is so much more aware of everything. The nurses could see he was clearly struggling to manage, so they gave him some oralmorph. Which totally wiped him out. He slept for about three hours and we aren't allowed to take him home until he is awake and has eaten and drank something. We ended up getting home around 4.30pm. My sister looked after Alba which was brilliant so Jacob had Rich and me all to himself at the hospital. And it was definitely a two person job this time, I was incapacitated under a sleeping toddler so Rich was my slave haha. I really missed Alba though, I've never left her for that long but she was in good hands! Plus, my nephew adores her so I knew she'd be okay. He constantly says "hello baby girl!" to her. He was devastated when he first met her and she wasn't Spiderman. We'd told him I was having a Spiderman baby and when he saw her he said "Char Char, I thought you were having a Spiderman baby?" I've never felt worse for lying to a child.
The distraction of Teddy meant Jacob wasn't quite so emotional that night or the next day as they came over to keep him entertained. I'm not good enough anymore. Jacob just says "I want to see Teddy!"

 Jacob and Skylah-Mae sightseeing.

Sleepy boy. 

Last week also marked the two year "anniversary" of Jacob's diagnosis. I absolutely dread it. It's also Rich's birthday on the same day, so I spent more time trying to think about that. We made birthday cards for him and I managed to get a painted footprint from Alba! Although Jacob saw this as a pass to paint her himself. I managed to stop him before any paint made it onto her, but stopping him from running around covered head to toe in paint and wielding a pot of red paint proved impossible. So I gave up and let him get on with it. It's washable paint, so I'd deal with it later! Jacob refused to wear clothes for the rest of the day. Another thing I dealt with later.

I've been trying to teach Jacob how to count for a while now but he just is not interested. I've always counted when carrying him down the stairs or if we are out and about, he just does not care for it. He says "1, 2, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6." I'm sure he will get it eventually. I remember helping teach Teddy to count using those foam number mats. But Jacob would rather throw the mats around than count. Any tips?! He has really come along with his speech though which is brilliant. He can say so many things now, asks for his lunch, tells me what he wants, tells me when something's wrong. It makes this parenting thing so much easier! He's due his two year check soon which I'm looking forward to. Our health visitor Claire is amazing and has given me some brilliant advice over the last two years. And she was there on the phone straight away when Alba was born and came round to see us. I rang her so many times in Alba's first few weeks when we were dealing with the reflux/colic issues and she was always one step ahead of me, ready with the prescription for her milk or booking a doctors appointment for her. Alba is due to be weighed this week, I'm so intrigued as to what she weighs now as she was 12lbs5oz 4 weeks ago and she has definitely grown a lot since then. She's officially in 0-3 month clothing which Jacob didn't wear until he was around 6 months. And size 3 nappies! Jacobs only in size 5's! It amazes me how different babies they both are. Both in looks and how they are. Obviously I know it was a different situation with Jacob as he was poorly and had trouble gaining weight but I think he would have been little anyway. I was a total bag of bones until I was about 12. Then the carbs found me. Haha. I've noticed how different Alba is with holding herself and her head up. It must be that extra chunk helping her out! Another big difference, actually HUGE, is Alba sleeps through the night! She has her last bottle normally between 8pm & 9pm and then sleeps until around 6. Not every night is like this and she has had a few where she's woken up and wanted feeding, but this is absolutely amazing regardless. I think every mum will agree that you don't ever feel like you will get a full nights sleep again when you've had a baby, but hopefully soon these nighttime wake up calls will be a thing of the past!

A few pics of what we've been up to recently...

We went to a couple of fun days in our local park with Jacobs friend Darcie. (Her mum is actually one of my friends but I don't think that counts after the kids are friends...haha.) 

 Not a great photo, but this was the red paint fiasco...

 Big girl napping in her cot. (Which Rich finally built after me nagging for 3 weeks!)

 Chalk and Cheese. How cool is Jacob's T-shirt?! Its from Next.

Cheeky chops.

A bump in the road...

Jacob had his check up at the Royal London Hospital today. As the title says, it wasn't as positive as we hoped. He was first down to theatre and gone a bit longer than usual so I had a feeling he would be having treatment. He was totally inconsolable when I collected him from recovery and was this way for around half an hour. Normally he's quite settled, has a drink then inhales his ten million different foods. He came back from theatre around 9.30 and didn't eat or drink a thing until nearly 12. Definitely not like him.
Mr Sagoo, Jacob's consultant didn't come to give us the results until about 12.30 which is the longest we've had go wait for a while! And even though I suspected it, when he said the tumour in Jacobs left eye has become active again on one side, I just cried. Except this time Jacob knew I was upset, it's been a year since he had treatment and before that it was so run of the mill that I didn't really get upset as we were so used to it with our two weekly visits! We were absolutely gutted. I knew it would probably happen at some point but it still doesn't make it any easier. Jacob had cryotherapy which freezes the cancer cells, he will probably have 2/3 rounds of this every 3 weeks for the next couple of visits. So we are back to 3 weekly trips as opposed to 3 monthly! His consultant thinks that the cryo should get it back under control but it will probably be quite a while before we have a nice gap between appointments again! Jacobs eye is quite puffy and sore and he was very quiet last night. He woke sobbing around 10pm so he came into our bed. I've become a complete serial co sleeper. Oh well! They're only little for a short time!
We finally got to see one of the families we met while Jacob was going through chemo yesterday. Skylah is a little girl who is just four days younger than Jacob and they were diagnosed around the same time and we got to know each other as they had chemo together. That's a story for when they're older! But we haven't seen each other since before I was pregnant so it was lovely to catch up. She is still having regular treatment but is a total superstar. She reminded me so much of Jacob, the way she just gets on with it. They're back at the hospital in 3 weeks too so am looking forward to seeing them again. Although Jacob clung to me for dear life and didn't want to play, so hopefully he will be a bit more cooperative next time!

We also discovered that Jacob hasn't put any weight on in around 6 months, he isn't worryingly underweight but he should still be putting it on. Alot of it is probably how active he is, and he's never been a meal eater as such, more of a grazer. But the kid certainly eats ALOT. So we've been told to fatten everything up! Cheese, cream in mashed potato, white bread and pasta. More calorific foods. You can't win! He eats so well and has always eaten lots of fruit and veg and he isn't really a fan of naughty dinners such as chicken nuggets and chips so I've got to start trying to fatten him up! Well not fatten, but ensure he is getting enough calories! I'll be putting cheese on everything!!!

 Sleepy boy!

His little post theatre setup with all of his favourte foods.

Jacob is due some eye drops, so I'm off for a battle with him! Thanks for reading! :)

Two kids is tough!

Like the title says...oh my goodness. My biggest fear when Alba was born was that she would get reflux. Jacob had it and it was absolutely horrendous. He ended up on lactose free milk and about four different medicines. I remember spending hours pacing the garden in a bid to get him to stop crying and to sleep. So, when Alba was born, I bought anti reflux bottles and a sleep positioner that keeps the baby at a slight angle. I also made sure I kept her upright when feeding and for a while after. But the reflux god had other plans. After what I originally thought was colic, a horrendous red rash, violent hiccups, sneezing like crazy after feeds and more sick than I have ever seen (out of her nose and everything!) set the alarm bells ringing. A little visit from the health visitor confirmed it all. Alba has reflux and a big fat milk allergy. Fancy bottles be damned. They don't prevent a thing! For the last two weeks, I've spent most evenings, actually most of the day alternating between crying and wanting to scream. Alba literally could not be put down until about two days ago. Literally, if I even motioned to put her down, she started this horrendous screaming like someone was yanking her limbs off. It took me hours to get ready, and I spent the best part of the morning jumping in and out of the shower, running around in my underwear or sitting on the bed crying because I literally couldn't stop holding/rocking her for more than 30 seconds. I actually started to get up before the kids woke so I could get ready for the day. Everyone would say "don't worry! Stay in your PJ's!" But I can't do that, I never have been able to. I have to get up and get ready for the day. And I have never been one to ask for help. But I definitely needed it the last two weeks. My sister has been brilliant. Coming over after dropping Teddy at school so I can get things done. Needless to say, my house looked like something off of Kim and Aggy for a while there. Alba was given a prescription for lactose free milk on Thursday and since then she has slowly gotten better. She even fell asleep in her Moses basket by herself yesterday afternoon! I had to take a photo and send it to my Mum who is on holiday because I was so excited. Hopefully the stinky lactose free milk is the answer to our troubles!
Needless to say, Jacob has had a lot of TV and iPad time during the last couple of weeks. I have honestly felt like the worst mother in the world to him. All he has heard between Alba's cries is "in a minute". During the odd time that Alba has slept for more than ten minutes, I have done my best to give him all of my attention. Everyone says "he won't remember!" which is fine, but I will. We are slowly getting back into a routine and Alba has started to sleep for longer stretches in the night. Jacob didn't sleep through and had a bottle in the night until he was about 14 months, so I'm seeing it as a bonus if she sleeps through anytime in the next 12 months!

Alba has started smiling which has been lovely! Not very much I might add, but it's crazy how one little gummy smile can make you feel better when you feel like hiding in the bathroom with the door locked! 

A few photos from the last few weeks...

We went fruit picking at a farm near my sisters house, it was so lovely! Definitely recommend it. I had never been which was mortifying to Rich as he used to always go as a kid.

Jacob had his six month oncology checkup at Great Ormond Street last month, he's doing really well and now doesn't have to go back for a year! We still have to go to The Royal London regularly and we are there this Wednesday. Jacob has now been stable for a year which is amazing! Obviously this can change at any time but hopefully not! We got the train for the first time, I thought Jacob would love it, but he clung to Rich and me for dear life. I HATE the tube, I just get so travel sick and hate the millions of people and shoving around. Basically, I'm a wimp. He was a bit braver on the way home and had a little look out of the window. As soon as we got off, he was asking to go back on. Typcal!

The big boy bed...

I have started writing a blog post everyday for about a week, and keep getting distracted by one thing or another. And as I started to write this one, I somehow managed to delete the whole thing. So I'm starting again. Although what I wanted to do was throw my phone at the wall...

Anyways, we have had a busy week this week. Play dates, lunches, work and eye fittings is just the start. Jacobs eye fitting on Friday the 13th (I'm the most superstitious person ever by the way) was a disaster. We went to Wild & Wacky beforehand as his appointment was 11.30 so he would most likely have his nap afterwards. But he absolutely wiped himself out at soft play and was almost asleep when we got to the hospital. Jacobs prostesthist suggested trying to make a mould of Jacobs eye this time as he normally sits so nicely for his appointments. However, he wasn't having any of it. So we had to go for the usual colour match, which means he will have a new eye in a few weeks. Then we will try again with the mould. Apparently moulded eyes have much better movement so I'm quite excited for him to get one.

We bought Jacob's toddler bed his week, he has a cot bed, but as the little lady will be needing one too, we thought it would be better (and cheaper!) to buy a toddler bed as opposed to another cot bed. I sat basically crying while Rich (and Jacob) dismantled the cot and built the bed. Jacob was so excited to get into it. Bedtime went so smoothly, I expected constant trips up and down the stairs putting him back into bed, but he went off like usual and didn't wake up until 7am, when he was at the baby gate shouting for us. I could not believe it. Nap time is proving a whole different matter... He has been upstairs an hour and still not asleep. I've been up and laid him down a few times, but to be honest I'm not really sure how to tackle this one!? Help?!
...an hour and a half later. He's finally asleep. I really hope this doesn't make him hate the bed at bedtime.

On the bump front, we officially have our friend "heartburn" staying with us. My god, I forgot how horrible it is. And absolutely everything seems to be setting it off this time. My sisters best friend is a midwife, so whenever I used to see her when I was pregnant with Jacob, I'd be like "where's the baby lying?!" And I saw her on Thursday and she had a feel, and as I suspected, lady Wright likes to hang out right up near my ribs. Which explains why I can't hardly breathe. I had breathless moments with Jacob, but I honestly feel like I am constantly gasping for air with this one. I have become obsessed with checking my heart rate too as my phone has a monitor on it. Obviously not as medically accurate as a proper one I'd have thought, but it still seems quite close. Your heart works so much harder when you're pregnant and I am positive mine is screaming for help when I'm having these breathing difficulties! I am so uncomfortable already, I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next 3 months if I'm moaning already! Although she doesn't stop moving around. Particularly in the bath. Jacob never used to move when I was in the bath and I always felt sick afterwards so went for showers instead. But it is so funny laying there watching my belly go nuts. Although I honestly can't say the baths will last. This shifted centre of gravity business is no joke. I tried to do a yoga pose at work on Thursday, and just toppled forward like a weeble. Pretty tragic.

Quarantined!

So its been a bit of a crazy week in the Wright/Williams household. Jacobs last few teeth are trying to fight their way through his gums since the beginning of last week so when he got unbelievably grumpy, tearful, hot and just plain miserable on Thursday, we just thought he was really having a tough time with them. Friday he was very up and down again, and we had his appointment at Great Ormond Street Hospital in the afternoon for his ultrasound to check his bowels and kidneys, which was all clear and his six month oncology check up with the amazing Dr. Kingston. When I say amazing, that doesn't even cover it. She is just unbelievable. She knows everything there is to know about Jacobs condition and actually was part of the team that created the chemotherapy drug combination they now use to treat Rb. She is just amazing. She was very happy with Jacobs weight gain and as I thought, he's shot up just under ten centimetres in six months. That explains the super shrinking trouser legs!! He was not his happy self and just stood at the door crying to leave. The journey home was hideous. My step dad Steve usually takes us to GOSH as he knows his way round London pretty well, and even with his cut throughs and side street knowledge, the hour journey took two! And Jacob screamed for the last 40 minutes. He had refused to eat all day, again thinking it was just teething we just carried on with the Calpol and Anbesol liquid. Come the evening, he was still not stop crying and refused to sleep, at which point I said to Rich "I'm not sure this is just teething." He has never suffered like this with his teeth, so Saturday morning when he was no better, we went to A&E as his tongue looked swollen which obviously set alarm bells ringing. We were seen quickly and as soon as then nurse picked his hand up to check his obs, I saw the little white spots. Before the nurse could even say anything, I said "He's got hand, foot and mouth!" She just said "yep, home and rest!" There's nothing you can do for it. But as soon as I saw the spots on his hands it made sense. His little mouth was filled with ulcers. I honestly felt like the worst mother in the world. I was shoving my fingers in his mouth, running Anbesol round his gums when it must have been so painful! So since Saturday we have been battling eating, drinking and sleeping with an arsenal of Calpol, Nurofen and me cooking/making a hundred different things to hopefully entice Jacob to eat. The only thing we managed on Saturday was a spoonful of porridge. And yesterday, he ate two bananas and some cheerios. We've been looking for anything plain! Milk has been quite a life saver too. He's not normally much of a milk drinker but I think the cold helps and the milk soothes the ulcers. I'm pretty sure he's got lots of spots down the back of his throat too as he has a terrible sore throat now and didn't swallow for a few days. We went through every T-shirt and every bib in the house over the course of Friday to Sunday I think! He seems a tiny bit better today, sleep has been tough and he's had hardly any which obviously doesn't help. But he's sat next to me watching Frozen while I've been writing this which is better than the constant tears we've had the last few days. Rich and me have been tag teaming sleep, eating and trying to keep Jacob entertained. It has been quite tough. Rich is so laid back and has so much patience and can manage on next to no sleep, but I am a nightmare. My patience is nonexistent when I'm tired, and paired with these pregnancy hormones, I have not been very nice to live with this weekend. I've been sent off to sleep a fair few times! I obviously try not to be a monster in front of Jacob and I think he knows Rich is the more patient of the two of us as he has been a total daddy's boy this weekend!! I've been the wicked witch thats pinned him down and forced him to take his medicine and laying him back down in the middle of the night instead of getting up to party at two, three, four and five AM to party. I'm sure he will understand when he's better! I wish they understood when you're trying to explain the medicine will make them feel better, and sleep will make them feel better. It's been a tough few days indeed! Jacob is contagious for about a week after symptoms start, and his fever started Weds/Thurs so I'm really hoping he's better for his trip to see Santa on Wednesday! He's taken a dummy again today which is a good sign. Although he has gone without it for the last few days which I hoped would be when he gave it up. But no such luck!

 I didn't let Jacob have chocolate this time last year, so he's got two calendars this year!

 Wild & Wacky Mondays, before the dreaded virus hit!

 Checking out the fish tank floor at GOSH

 Tackling "teething."

We put the tree up! Jacob has so far broken 3 decorations! 

I've finally started Christmas shopping and we decided that we are Santa is going to get him the Toot Toot drivers train station to go with the stuff he already has. He sits for ages just pushing the cars around and down the ramps. We are going to get him one of the rugs which have the roads on too. And then he's got lots of paints, pencils and stuff like that as he likes to do that kind of thing, and draw on the walls in the process obviously.

I've spent the last week trying to hunt down the "Hulk Smash Hands" for Teddy. Nowhere has them in stock and the nearest Toys R Us that has them is Edinburgh!! And it can take weeks for them to be transfered store to store. They finally came into stock on Amazon so managed to get some this morning, but straight after I placed the order, I had a number from New York call me then straight after that, a number from Malaysia. I didn't answer and I called Amazon and they said all seems fine on the order so I really hope its a coincidence and someone from far away just wanted a chat with me! Knowing my luck, I finally found them but they're actually some dodgy knock offs! Let's hope not!!

A little bump update...

The sickness seems to have gone altogether now which is amazing! But I now have the nasty headaches I got with Jacob, and nothing helps them! They've been a brilliant addition to this weekend I must say!
All I've wanted to eat is the McDonalds cheesy dippers from their festive menu, and cakes and chocolate! I was exactly the same with Jacob around this point of pregancy. I've also absolutely loved the smell of Rich's Red Bull and have snuck a sip or two. I would drink the whole can if I could!!! I'm also at that stage where I just feel like a fat wildebeest! Nothing fits but its my birthday on Sunday so I think I may treat myself to a few new pieces!