Freezing and food.

I can not wait for some warmer weather. I caught Jacobs cold last week which meant I have been ill for the whole of January. Which makes me hate this month just a little bit more. We've been apparently getting snow here for days now, however, it's just a pathetic little sprinkle every time. I could deal with the cold a little bit more if there was snow. All I want to do is eat. And that is all I've done. I'm hungry ALL THE TIME. I ate a huge dinner the other night, and within an hour I was starving again. I've tried not to stuff my face too much, but it has been hard. At work on Thursday, I ate a huge lunch before I started, then a Snickers halfway through my shift. And then still wanted more. I didn't take cash in with me on purpose as we have a Coke vending machine and another one filled with chocolate and crisps. Fatal. To say I inhaled my dinner would probably be an understatement. The problem is, I think I can eat a lot, and then feel like I actually might burst. While I'm eating, I'm fighting the desire to eat everything and feel hideous, or eat little still be hungry. Eat everything usually wins. And then I spend the evening moaning.

Jacobs eating is back on track which I'm so pleased about. Although he doesn't always eat his lunch, I think its a ploy to get out of going for his nap as he now has it after lunch as opposed to before. We just found that he lasts better for the afternoon if he has it slightly later. He always wakes up super hungry though so wants to eat everything in sight which ruins dinnertime. So we are currently trying to get a small but satisfying enough snack in that will hold him over until dinner. Otherwise we can guarantee a 5am wake up call where he's hungry through not eating his dinner. It really is a never ending battle!

We had a ridiculously busy day on Saturday, compared to usual anyway! We had to go pick up Lady Wright's wheels in the morning. We went for a single pram with a buggy board forJacob, he will just be two when she arrives which I think may be a little young for a buggy board, but he absolutely loves walking, so I'd rather give that a try before buying a double. Everyone has said I'm nuts, but we will see. I'll be the woman running through the town chasing a toddler whilst trying to navigate through the shoppers with my single pram.

Jacob had a birthday party in the afternoon, then we had dinner for my mums birthday in the evening. The birthday party was at a soft play place where Jacob hadn't been before so he wasn't as confident as usual when all the kids went into play. And as it was the weekend, it was utter chaos in there. Bigger kids really don't see anything that isn't in their eye line do they?! Jacob got knocked over about three times, luckily he got straight back up, but it did nothing for my nerves. They're like human shaped bulldozers!!! I also discovered that I no longer fit through some of the little holes like I used to. Very upsetting. As part of the little party, the kids got dinner so Jacob had nuggets and chips. But he's a never really been a fan of what I call "slam in the oven" dinners, so I didn't expect him to eat anything. But he ate the whole lot. And then his ice cream. And sat still the whole time. He was so well behaved, I actually got a little teary about it when we left. (Pregnancy hormones I'm sure!) I'm not sure if it was because there were twenty other children sat with him doing the same, but either way, it was lovely not to have to chase him round the tables. He is really good when we go to Wild & Wacky and have lunch there so I'm not sure if its just practice?! However, the few times we've braved going out for dinner to a restaurant, he's a restless little fiend. Maybe we've turned a corner, but I doubt it! That would be too easy! 

Now I'm living in fear, waiting for the germ that Jacob comes out in over the next couple of days as he always manages to catch something when we go to a soft play...

Feeling very lucky!

Jacobs cough and cold had cleared up quite a lot by Tuesday evening so I didn't feel the need to cancel his appointment. I was so nervous about today, I hardly slept last night. Partly due to nerves and partly due to Jacob coming into our bed at 2am. What have I done?! I really hope its just where he's been poorly. He normally just slips back into his normal routine otherwise I think I'm going to have to get the controlled crying method on the go again! Which I absolutely hate but it always seems to work! We were up at 5.30am this morning so we could leave around six. We always leave Jacob in bed until the last possible second so he doesn't have a chance to wake up and think "where's my milk?!" But as he was in our bed, his beady little eyes opened up the second Rich and me got out of bed! Typical! He was still very dozy so we managed to get ready while he just laid in bed talking to the dog. For the first time, I got all of Jacobs stuff ready the night before. We normally leave it until the morning because I always liked to do it last so I know if I need anything else. And then we always end up being late because I flaff about. So I made all his lunch, got all his clothes and toys and everything ready to go last night. And it was much less stressful this morning.
It was so strange being back at the hospital after six weeks off, it felt like ages but at the same time, only felt like we were last there yesterday. Its weird because you see the same nurses and doctors and staff every time, you get to know them and they get to know you so I was quite looking forward to seeing everyone. Jacob made himself at home straightaway, throwing his ball around and running about like he owned the place. I could tell he was getting hungry because he started to get ever so slightly more grumpy every time he threw his ball and then had to go get it. And then he spotted his lunch bag under the stroller. Total mummy fail. I normally put it straight into the fridge in the ward kitchen but must have just forgotten. He went MENTAL. Absolutely crazed. Just as I was trying to calm him down and explain (pointlessly) why he couldn't eat, the nurses came in and said they were ready for him in theatre. We have never changed him into his gown and ran out of there to theatre quicker!
He was only gone half an hour again which is always a good sign because with treatment, he's normally about an hour. Again, we tried not to get our hopes up. But when the doctors came round and said he was stable again, I just burst into tears. Rich and me had both gone into today thinking he would need treatment so we couldn't believe it when they said he's still stable. We were allowed to go quite quickly after so were out of there by 11 which I think is a record! We are back in six weeks again. So another long break!

He finally got to wear his UGG boots as it was so cold this morning!

I was way too excited about his sticker!

Going home.

Crazy family selfie.

We went to Pets Corner this week with my friend Sarah which is a little petting zoo/farm near where we live. Jacob loves animals and for the first time I let him run around on his own. Although he was just running around not too interested in anything except the ducks and birds. He is so brave, he was just running at the ducks and geese and chickens like they were nothing. I'm terrified of ducks and geese, especially those ones as they're vicious little things! He was going right up to the chicken coop, at one point I thought he was going in! We had our first "I don't want to get back in my stroller" tantrum, the full arched back, kicking legs kind of tantrum. I did win, eventually. I think it was mostly down to him being tired though!

Jacob loves the "That's not my..." book collection, and I think they're brilliant too. They're touch and feel books and there's so many of them! I've become a bit obsessed with buying him them, and Rich said about my obsession to his friends at work, and he came home on Tuesday with a big pile of them that one of his work friends found at a fête over the weekend! My friend Sarah also bought him 3 new ones too, so he has ended up with about 8 new ones this week. It's lucky he doesn't quite "get" presents yet or I may have a spoilt little boy on my hands. Verruca Salt anyone?! 

I think I may have a problem...

Its that time of year...

So this week our whole house has come down with a cold. Which might explain the unhappy boy we had for the beginning of the week. I always feel so guilty if Jacob is going through a fussy or clingy stage for a few days then comes down with something. Especially after I've left him to cry it out or tried the tough love approach. This is why babies should be born with the ability to talk! It would be much more helpful! But then I guess that would take the fun out of it. On Thursday night, I walked round to our shop, and when I say walk, I went REALLY slowly as it had been a long day with Jacob being extremely miserable and not wanting anyone but me. We had run out of calpol and Jacob was getting snottier by the minute, so I was like "I'll go!" As awful as I felt, I just needed five minutes peace. I was stood in the shop armed with calpol, biscuits and diet coke and was just standing staring at the chocolate and the shop assistant looked at me, laughed and said "Can't decide what you want?" And I just laughed and said "nope!" When actually all I wanted to do was cry and say "my little boy has a cold and I don't know what to do!!!!" It's so silly, but Jacobs cancer doesn't actually show any symptoms, he isn't "ill" with it. When he was having chemo he was obviously ill quite alot, but I always knew how to deal with it. Give me a baby with a cold and I'm useless. On Thursday night, Rich slept on the sofa as Jacob wouldn't settle anywhere but in our bed, and as he had work, it made sense for him to sleep downstairs where he would get a decent night's sleep. Jacob was so restless all night, I think I must have had about an hours sleep in total. Jacob was still quite ropey Friday but slept much better that night, he stayed in his own cot until around 4 when he wouldn't settle back off so into our bed he came! Back into that bad habit again! He wouldn't give in and go back to sleep so by 5.45, Rich got up with him so I could get a couple hours sleep. When Rich gets up with him, the minute I appear at the bottom of the stairs, Jacob goes nuts and becomes a mega mummy's boy. (Which I secretly love) So yesterday, he was in extra "need mummy" mode. I literally couldn't get dressed until about 2pm, which I absolutely hate doing. I have to get up, have my cup of tea, get washed and get dressed otherwise it wrecks me for the day. It must be where Jacob gets the routine OCD from! Jacob slept until around 7am this morning which was so much better and it seemed to do him the world of good as he was much much happier. Thank goodness! He didn't even cry when I put him down on the sofa and went to make his milk. He hasn't napped again all morning and just as I was dishing up Sunday lunch, Rich sat with him on the sofa and within about 10 seconds he was asleep! Typical. He took a long time to settle in bed tonight which is unlike him but definitely seemed much better! I'm so glad because we have his check up at The Royal London on Wednesday and they won't see him if he's poorly! I'm so nervous for this check up as six weeks is the longest break we've ever had between appointments. I will obviously be over the moon if he is still stable, but I never go with that expectation because I don't like to set myself up for disappointment. But on the other hand, because he's done so well and not needed treatment for nearly 3 months, I think I'll be gutted if he does need treatment. But you can't plan for these things and you can't tell the future, so as always, we will deal with whatever happens on the day the same way we always do.

He actually ate today! Demanded a banana, so a banana he got! 

 As he was in a good mood, we did some baking. Well Jacob launched cake mix up the walls.

 I'm a terrible baker, so we cheated and used a Peppa Pig box mix! 

Spending quality time with Lex.