Slowly getting better...

It's been two weeks since I last wrote, shortest gap in a while! Haha. Jacob finished his steroids a few days after my last post, and he was so unhappy for a fair few days afterwards. Luckily, it was half term so he didn't have to go to nursery, but I wouldn't have sent him in anyways to be honest. I managed to start putting his steroids into his porridge in the mornings which was great. And his appetite was still crazy for a fair few days afterwards. I really wanted to get him weighed but just never got round to it. And then last week he got a sickness bug so probably lost everything he'd gained anyway! The last three or four days, I can say he is finally back to himself. I didn't think it would ever come, the tears and screaming was so draining. I was wishing the days away. He's still a bit up and down with some people, if Rich picks him up from nursery, he's quite funny with me for a little while when he gets home. And he's still being mean to my sister but I think he secretly knows how much it's winding her up. Haha.

So, Alba turned one on the 4th! We bought her a wooden play kitchen for her birthday, it was obviously for Jacob too but we had no idea what to get her so went with that. And oh my goodness, I love it. Screw the kids, I've played with it more than anyone! I sit there arranging the fridge and counters, putting the casserole dish in the oven. The fun is endless! Evidently, I need to get a hobby. Its so cute though, and was only £65 from Asda. The wooden one I originally wanted was nearly £200 and I just couldn't justify it. Plus, I wouldn't have even let the kids touch it! Jacob was really good on Alba's birthday, I though he'd want to tear all of her presents open himself but he was so sweet, giving them to her and helping her open the kitchen. (Which I wrapped after spending 4 hours building the thing!) We spent the day at home and had everyone over for dinner in the evening. 

We all went swimming on Sunday for the first time, I've taken Jacob before and we went on holiday of course, but all four of us went for the first time and it was really good fun. I've decided I'm going to try to take Jacob every Sunday. He's so confident in the water which is great, and I want him to learn how to swim soon! I was quite alot older when I learnt and always said my kids would learn while they were young. I don't think actual lessons would be very good for him at the moment, especially while he has poor vision. So for now, we will take him and try to teach him the basics then look into it more when we know what's going on with his sight. He seems to be slowly improving. Or we are just getting used to it. Somedays he seems so much better, and others worse. It's so hard to tell. 

We are back at The Royal London next week to see if the swelling has gone down. I don't know what to think and to be honest am trying not to either as it is so easy to drive yourself crazy.

Look at this pudding. I couldn't get any photos of Jacob as he was like The Flash, running around like a loon.

We are finally back to calm nursery drop offs too, which is so nice. He hasn't cried this week and even went strolling in himself yesterday which was great. I requested that the Visual Impairment Teacher stopped going in to see him for the time being. It upset him so much and made him not want to go to nursery which has never been a problem. And while he is the way he is, I'd rather he felt calm and secure. And the nursery staff are just amazing with him. I know if there were any concerns, they wouldn't hesitate to tell me.

This sunshine does wonders for your kids mood too doesn't it!? Jacob just spends all day outside. Parenting is so much easier in the summer!! Although, Alba has started to climb and the girl is sending my anxiety through the roof!!! Jacob thinks it's brilliant. "Mummy look at Alba!!! She's such a brave girl!!!" No, Jacob, she's crazy!

Getting organised.

Whether its the post Christmas clear out, or I'm nesting rather early, I have gone nuts with clearing out and organising...EVERYTHING. I started with Jacobs toy box in the living room on Friday, he hardly plays with any of his toys that are downstairs except his little ride on car which cost about £10 and we only got it because we had a few pounds of leftover Argos vouchers, turns out to be one of his favourites. He is also still obsessed with his stacking cups and Hes got a Little Tikes car transporter thing that he loves too. Other than that, everything else gets ignored. So I was just brutal and put it all upstairs. However, what I didn't think about is where to put it all in Jacob's room. And its made me panic about where all the new baby's stuff is going to go. Which led to me clearing out the storage cupboard in our room...which also contains mostly Jacobs stuff. How the hell do people get rid of their first babys clothes?! I have 3 of those huge storage bags, filled with Jacobs clothes from newborn up until now that I just can't part with. And I've sorted through it all about a hundred times, trying to be more realistic each time. I even ended putting stuff from the charity donation bag I'd made up, back into the "keep" piles! We have our sexing/anomaly scan on Tuesday, and if we are cooking up a girl this time, I really don't know what I'm going to do with all this stuff. I looked at those memory quilts, as Jacob has a pillow and bear made of some of his first sleepsuits, but I think this quilt would probably cover most of the town.
I'm not sure if I'm having trouble parting with them as they were all "chemo" sleep suits, or "operation" sleepsuits and they hold a little bit more of a memory than they normally would? But frankly, I either need to get realistic, or hire a storage locker. Or get a bigger house, but who can afford a bigger house these days!

This then led to me organising my kitchen cupboards...basically, I'm certain I have a Tupperware issue. I have so many tubs and lunch boxes and snack boxes that you would think I was saving them up to build that bigger house. For weeks, every time I open the cupboard above the sink, it rained Tupperware. And then I'd launch it all back in and quickly shut the cupboard door. But no more! Organised heaven. I'm that pleased, I'd show you a photo, but I'm pretty sure you don't care less!

In between all the organising, we finally managed to go for a walk somewhere other than the woods by our house. Jacob is such an outdoors kid, and I do like being outside, just not when its freezing!!! He would stay out there forever though I think. Just Jacob and me went with my mum as she lives right next to the park. And we took her lunatic Jack Russell, Archie. Who will attack you if you pick up a stick and hold it for more than 3 seconds before launching it as far as possible. The walk paired with the fresh air absolutely wiped Jacob out, so getting from 3pm to bedtime at 7pm was a struggle. And at 6.45pm, Jacob seemed to get a second wind of energy...so bedtime was more like 8pm! He woke up extremely hungry again after not eating dinner, again. Although, he ate a whole bowl of porridge, banana, strawberries and a yogurt at breakfast this morning so that is an improvement!!! Fingers crossed it stays this way and he's getting his appetite back.

I have an 18 month old!!!

I cannot believe I have an 18 month old, I also cannot believe that he is going to be a big brother next summer.
Jacob has become more and more of a little character over the last few months, and although still not saying many words, he does not stop waffling away.
His favourite things to say and that we will understand is "no", " what's that?", "Lex" (our dog), and he makes "mmm" sounds for food he likes. Which is everything. After a wobbly beginning of not wanting any of my homemade purees, he has always been a brilliant eater, I took a really relaxed approach to weaning. I did a mixture of baby led and purées, although he totally refused my purees, he loved the Ella's Kitchen ones. I was so excited to start weaning so when he was about five months, I spent a whole Sunday in the kitchen making every puree you could think of. They all went in the bin eventually as he hated them all. But to be honest, why would anyone want just broccoli or cauliflower? (Although one of his favourite foods is actually broccoli now!) I tried some with apple, sweet potato, parsnip, you name it. He wasn't having any of it. So it was Ella's Kitchen to the rescue. And then at lunchtime, it was always finger foods. Sandwiches, pasta, fruit, veggie sticks, those Organix carrot wotsit things which he loved. And if he didn't eat it, we'd leave it a couple days and try again. He always had lots of variety. My sister used to say "there's too much choice, he won't eat anything!" But he would always clear his tray. We were really lucky through chemo as he never really went off food. I'm guessing he's going to be like me and shove anything away. I won the egg battle last week. I have been trying for weeks to get him to eat some scrambled eggs. And he did it. I was so excited, I put it all on Facebook and rang Rich all excited. So yes, in regards to food, Jacob is a little piglet. 

He has become quite the tantrum thrower. I'm hoping he's getting the terrible twos out of the way before his sibling arrives. He is currently chasing the dog around with his Henry Hoover and trying to hit him over the head. All fun and games!

Spaghetti Bolognese?

Since announcing that we are expecting baby number two, a lot of people have asked about Jacobs condition and what the chances are of this baby having it. Rich and me were both tested for the gene mutation which Jacob has and we are clear, so aren't carriers. So this baby has the same chance as any other baby of having Retinoblastoma. We will be having the cord blood tested when the baby is born, just to be sure. The chances are very small, but at the same time, they were with Jacob too.

The sickness has finally started to pass and I have actually had energy to do housework this week which has been nice. I'd been doing the absolute minimal I could get away with for the last two months and I'm a big believer in "clean house, clean mind!" More like "clean house, happy Char." We've started to go for a walk again most days too, and if not, Jacob has been getting wrapped up and playing in the garden. He just loves to be outside which isn't ideal in the British winter time!

 Showing off his little brother or sister!

Adventuring.

Rich and me have been trying to decide what to get Jacob for Christmas, (I've bought about 3 little things!) The only thing He's really into at the moment is cars, and balls (still!) And he likes Toy Story and Monsters Inc. Actually he likes anything on TV. Could be a cooking programme, documentary on paint drying, he'll watch it! I think we are going to go for a trainset of some kind and just books, puzzles and crafty stuff. I bought him (me) some play-doh last week which he (I) really enjoyed playing with. To be honest at this age, they're more interested in the wrapping paper than what's actually inside!!

Jacob has a birthday party at Wild & Wacky tomorrow evening, and I have my work Christmas party so Rich is taking him alone. Its his first proper birthday party at a play place so I'm a bit gutted not to be going but I'm sure Rich will take lots of photos and I can feel like I was there!!

A full nights sleep...

Before I even started writing this, I thought "Char, you're jinxing it, you're jinxing it, don't do it!!!" But I think we may have turned a corner with sleep. Jacob hasn't been in our bed for around two weeks now. And He's started to sleep to a more normal time. He woke up at 8.15 on Sunday morning. It was amazing. He did have a wobble at around 5.30, I'm not 100% on the time but it was dark so there was no way we were getting up. Does he not know that Sunday is a day of rest?! I left him to have a little moan, and then it went silent. Next thing I know, it was 8.15. Rich sleeps through absolutely anything (so he says, I bet all your baby daddy's do the same too don't they? Must be a magical gene men are blessed with) so when I decided enough was enough with him coming into our room in the night, I knew the battle was for me to fight alone. We've always tried to use controlled crying as is the the only thing that's ever really worked for us. Jacob has been so much happier too, and me! He wakes up and sits talking and laughing to himself and his toys, as opposed to waking up crying. And He's down to the one big nap a day. This varies from before lunch around 11.30 or he will go after lunch around one. It all depends on what time he was awake. Which recently hasn't been earlier than 6.30. I'm jinxing it again aren't I...

We have Jacobs check up at the Royal London Hospital tomorrow, it was pushed back a week as they had an emergency last week. Its happened a few times and every time I panic like crazy. A week will never make too much difference in tumour growth, but because he's gone so long without treatment, it is very nerve wracking. He's on the afternoon list too which is even more stressful than the morning. It tends to always run a bit later and sometimes Jacob won't go down to theatre until 4. And when he hasn't eaten since 7.30 that morning, he is not a happy boy. And I'm pretty sure he's going through a bit of a growth spurt at the moment too as he doesn't stop eating and all of his trousers seem to have turned into ankle biters. He's finally making his way into 9-12 month clothing, so after a year of wearing 3-6 and 6-9, He's finally mixing it up a bit! It does however mean he needs so many new clothes, he managed to build up an entire years worth of wardrobe in 3-6 month clothing. So summer or winter, if you need some 3-6 months boys clothes, give me a shout!!!

Due to the size change, I went through all of Jacobs clothes to sort out what I want to keep and what I'll probably donate. I thought about doing a boot sale and selling it on but its just all too much hassle. I managed to part with about a quarter of the items. And even that was a ridiculous amount. How do you get rid of it all?! I think I'm going to need to get about 200 of those memory quilts made. My mum got Jacob a bear made with 5 of his first sleep suits which was lovely. I'm sure I'll get realistic and part with them one day.

We avoided Jo Jingles this week, purely because Jacob always has a habit of picking up a cold or some sort of snotty disease right before hospital, and as he was already delayed, I didn't want to risk him catching anything. Instead, we spent the morning grabbing some shopping and then Sophie and Teddy came over for lunch.
We changed Jacobs routine a little bit last night, as he normally gets changed and ready for bed upstairs, then goes to bed after a story. We tried changing him into his pyjamas a bit earlier last night and letting him stay downstairs for a bit. It can end up a bit chaotic when he gets changed right before bed and can make him over excited and then he throws a bit of a wobbly when he's put into his cot. He went to bed really well, and alot calmer than usual. I still had to read the same book four times though. That's his new thing. The same book over and over again. He would let me read it sixty times if he could.

A bit of before bed relaxation.

I finally managed to get some wellies in Jacobs size yesterday. Everywhere is sold out of little size 4's! But they have posed a problem, he wants to wear them ALL THE TIME. And be outside ALL THE TIME. And it isn't very warm at the moment! We've just spent an hour in the garden. I swear kids don't get cold. 

I'll let you know how we get on tomorrow. Fingers crossed!