2 years.

Wow the last year has gone quick. Jacob had only just started walking this time last year. I was about to become pregnant. And Jacob was stable. So much has happened and although Jacob is back to having treatment, I know in another year from now things will probably be completely different again. Jacobs check up last week was a tough one again. He was an absolute sobbing wreck when I collected him from recovery after his EUA. The one good thing that happened this time was Jacob had fallen asleep before his turn to go down to theatre as he was second to last this time. He has never been that far down the list so I knew it was going to be hard. As soon as we got in the car in the morning, he was asking for a banana. He has a banana as soon as he gets up every single morning. Then when we got to the hospital, he was asking for juice. We managed to keep him entertained most of the morning with a ball, and we got to see Skylah again, who we met during chemotherapy. So they played together all morning, which was lovely. Jacob dosed off just before he was called to theatre so I carried him down as carefully as I could so he didn't wake. He jumped when they put the mask on him but then went straight back off to sleep. It was so much nicer than the crazed animal climbing all over me session we usually have. Jacobs consultant came to see pretty quick afterwards and explained he needed to give Jacob alot more cryotherapy as there is a little bulge on the tumour and it hadn't responded as well as they'd hoped. Absolutely gutted again, but it's just another bump in our road. It's so awful seeing Jacob in pain. He's older now and just cries so much more and is so much more aware of everything. The nurses could see he was clearly struggling to manage, so they gave him some oralmorph. Which totally wiped him out. He slept for about three hours and we aren't allowed to take him home until he is awake and has eaten and drank something. We ended up getting home around 4.30pm. My sister looked after Alba which was brilliant so Jacob had Rich and me all to himself at the hospital. And it was definitely a two person job this time, I was incapacitated under a sleeping toddler so Rich was my slave haha. I really missed Alba though, I've never left her for that long but she was in good hands! Plus, my nephew adores her so I knew she'd be okay. He constantly says "hello baby girl!" to her. He was devastated when he first met her and she wasn't Spiderman. We'd told him I was having a Spiderman baby and when he saw her he said "Char Char, I thought you were having a Spiderman baby?" I've never felt worse for lying to a child.
The distraction of Teddy meant Jacob wasn't quite so emotional that night or the next day as they came over to keep him entertained. I'm not good enough anymore. Jacob just says "I want to see Teddy!"

 Jacob and Skylah-Mae sightseeing.

Sleepy boy. 

Last week also marked the two year "anniversary" of Jacob's diagnosis. I absolutely dread it. It's also Rich's birthday on the same day, so I spent more time trying to think about that. We made birthday cards for him and I managed to get a painted footprint from Alba! Although Jacob saw this as a pass to paint her himself. I managed to stop him before any paint made it onto her, but stopping him from running around covered head to toe in paint and wielding a pot of red paint proved impossible. So I gave up and let him get on with it. It's washable paint, so I'd deal with it later! Jacob refused to wear clothes for the rest of the day. Another thing I dealt with later.

I've been trying to teach Jacob how to count for a while now but he just is not interested. I've always counted when carrying him down the stairs or if we are out and about, he just does not care for it. He says "1, 2, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6." I'm sure he will get it eventually. I remember helping teach Teddy to count using those foam number mats. But Jacob would rather throw the mats around than count. Any tips?! He has really come along with his speech though which is brilliant. He can say so many things now, asks for his lunch, tells me what he wants, tells me when something's wrong. It makes this parenting thing so much easier! He's due his two year check soon which I'm looking forward to. Our health visitor Claire is amazing and has given me some brilliant advice over the last two years. And she was there on the phone straight away when Alba was born and came round to see us. I rang her so many times in Alba's first few weeks when we were dealing with the reflux/colic issues and she was always one step ahead of me, ready with the prescription for her milk or booking a doctors appointment for her. Alba is due to be weighed this week, I'm so intrigued as to what she weighs now as she was 12lbs5oz 4 weeks ago and she has definitely grown a lot since then. She's officially in 0-3 month clothing which Jacob didn't wear until he was around 6 months. And size 3 nappies! Jacobs only in size 5's! It amazes me how different babies they both are. Both in looks and how they are. Obviously I know it was a different situation with Jacob as he was poorly and had trouble gaining weight but I think he would have been little anyway. I was a total bag of bones until I was about 12. Then the carbs found me. Haha. I've noticed how different Alba is with holding herself and her head up. It must be that extra chunk helping her out! Another big difference, actually HUGE, is Alba sleeps through the night! She has her last bottle normally between 8pm & 9pm and then sleeps until around 6. Not every night is like this and she has had a few where she's woken up and wanted feeding, but this is absolutely amazing regardless. I think every mum will agree that you don't ever feel like you will get a full nights sleep again when you've had a baby, but hopefully soon these nighttime wake up calls will be a thing of the past!

A few pics of what we've been up to recently...

We went to a couple of fun days in our local park with Jacobs friend Darcie. (Her mum is actually one of my friends but I don't think that counts after the kids are friends...haha.) 

 Not a great photo, but this was the red paint fiasco...

 Big girl napping in her cot. (Which Rich finally built after me nagging for 3 weeks!)

 Chalk and Cheese. How cool is Jacob's T-shirt?! Its from Next.

Cheeky chops.

Where has my son gone?!

Since Sunday, it is like Jacob has been replaced with a different child. He has been so grumpy and clingy and totally of his food (still). He is normally always so happy, but since Sunday afternoon we have had tears and tantrums aplenty. And I am exhausted. He has just gone down for a nap after a slightly better morning than the last 3. We've been up at 5am, throwing milk across the living room, screaming blue murder at the front door because he wants to go out. Bringing me his shoes because he wants to go out and dragging me to the back door because he wants to go out. The only thing I have taken from all of this is that he obviously hates me and wants to move out. He now knows to take my hand and take me to where he wants to go. And if it isn't the front or back door, it's to the cupboard under the stairs where the hoover lives. Because he is totally obsessed with our Hetty the Hoover. But if I turn it on, all hell breaks loose. It has been very hard the last few days, and by no means am I complaining, but we have been quite lucky to have a happy, sociable boy pretty much all of the time. So to have Jacob clinging to my legs and hanging off my tshirt has been quite difficult. I can normally do the washing up or make a cup of tea or clean up after lunch, but the last few days, this has been totally impossible. So my house looks like a bomb has gone off, there is porridge all over the walls, Wotsit dust all over the sofa and juice all over the floor. By the time Rich gets home from work, I am climbing the walls. I haven't even bothered to turn off cbeebies when Jacob finally settles for a nap. I actually went back to sleep yesterday for half an hour because I think I may have cried had I not caught up on a few winks. A few of my friends are having similar troubles with their little ones at the moment and they are all very close in age. So it may be a phase, or it may be a coincidence! Originally I thought it was teething and he had the nice big molar through at the end of last week, and it might still be, but it has certainly been a testing few days. We went to Jo Jingles on Monday as it has now started up again after the school holidays. I was very close to not going as Jacob was so miserable but I thought a change of scenery and some socialising might do him some good. We met my friend John there with Darcie as they are little Jo Jingle's buddies. He was still quite clingy and didn't really go off to play on his own like he normally would, so I spent my time being pulled around by my finger and in the ball pit with him. And let me tell you, there is no glamorous way to climb into the ball pit at Wild & Wacky. Jacob didn't really participate in Jo Jingles except for when the maracas came out. Otherwise he was trying to escape through the door. He did eat all of his lunch though which was the first time he has finished a meal for about a week. He has been totally off his food again, only eating his fruit still. The Innocent smoothies for kids have proven a good buy though, as he has been inhaling them. So that's something! 

 Possibly one of the only (half) smiles from Monday...

Ball pit buddies.

 Grumpy guts in his awesome hoody from Next.

Smoothie monster

We had quite alot of laughs and smiles this morning and he even ate all of his porridge, by himself with a spoon! So I'm hoping Jacob is feeling a bit better now. I did start to panic a bit as he wanted his hand held everytime he walked, that his vision in his left eye may have changed and the tumour has started to grow again and affect it. I'm pretty sure that's just my mind going into overdrive. But when he's normally so happy, I do really worry when he is so unsettled. Everyone just says it's kids and he's just coming into himself and seeing what he can get away with. So I am really hoping that's the case. At 15 months, this is definitely the hardest but also the most fun age so far. He is so so funny at the moment, and doing new things everyday. This morning, he actually drove his Toot Toot Drivers cars around the track and he has also started to try to build his Mega Bloks. I've also started to let him use crayons and we have managed to keep it on the paper so far! Oh, and in his mouth obviously. I freaked out but Rich assured me they are non-toxic. So all I can expect is some multi-coloured nappy contents! 

Another new trick he's learned recently...dunking!

New eye day!

I have been so excited for today for ages, Jacobs appointment on the 7th was cancelled and moved to today and since he has been able to get his eye out himself where it's now too small, it couldn't come quick enough!

It's quite straightforward, we go in, they take out the old eye using this little plunger (see below!) and then Sylvia, his prosthetist has usually ordered in an eye that should be the right colour, then she uses the old eye to mark the rough shape and then uses this huge machine that reminds of me of wood tech classes at school to file it down and shape it. It usually takes a few attempts and putting it in and out to get it just right. At our first visit, it was quite scary because we'd never seen Jacob without an eye in and when she took it out, I got really upset because it validated that there really is nothing there. I don't think I really believed it until I saw it. It wasn't anywhere near as horrifying as I thought it was going to be. It just looks like the inside of your mouth. When the eye is removed, they put an implant into the socket and stitch muscle over the top, then the prosthetic eye is kind of like a big contact lense that just drops into the socket, held in by the eyelid. We've been quite lucky that we don't have to take it out to clean it too often, we will have to eventually, more so that Jacob gets used to it and can learn to do it himself. The Royal London Hospital hold "Eye Club" where all the older children with artificial eyes go to gain confidence and learn about how to deal with their eye. I'll defiantly be sending Jacob along when he's old enough. 

Jacobs eye that he got today is a much better colour match as it has been five months since his last one, and his own eye has changed so much since then! 

I thought I'd show a picture of how Jacob looks when he doesn't have an eye in as a lot of people ask me what it looks like! If you are squeamish, you might not want to look! To us, it doesn't look that bad, but we are used to it! It still makes my mum go a bit funny even after she's seen it a few times! 

We stopped off to feed the ducks on the way as we left a lot earlier than usual! This is one of my favourite outfits of Jacobs, he's wearing a Little Bird by Jools tshirt and Next Dungarees with his little Vans.

A better look at Jacobs outfit. 

Posing for a blog photo! 

Not for the squeamish! 

Trying to keep him entertained! 

The huge machine that makes the teeny little eyes! 

My big brave boy. 

This is the best before and after shot I could get as he isn't a fan of sitting still! But the colour is so much better and it's a better size. Hopefully he can't pop this one out!

Jacobs "eye kit". The eye is the one he had removed today and replaced with a new one and the little orange thing is the "sucker" that we have to use to take his artificial eye out. 

Hope this blog has answered any little wonders you had about artificial eyes! If you've got any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments below! x