And the award for worst blogger ever goes to...

Me! So, two kids that don't stop moving from the second they wake up in the morning, (usually 6am, 5am lately.) until the second they go to bed at night, makes it very difficult to sit and write these blogs. And I'm not even exaggerating. They're both like little Duracell bunnies that get high on oxygen. It is EXHAUSTING. And to make it even more fun, if Alba even so much as blinks at Jacob, he totally loses his shit. I thought "Ah, 2 year age gap, they'll be the best of friends, they'll play together so lovely." Nope. I am an idiot. So, the blog gets neglected. Don't worry, it's not the only thing I've forgotten about. My hair, my eyebrows, I can't remember when I last cleaned my bathroom with something other than baby wipes. The dog probably hasn't had an affectionate cuddle or human contact that wasn't being shoved out of the way/tripped over/being rode by a small human for months. I'm not even sure Rich still lives here. I forget to speak to him lately too. Okay, that last one was a joke. He lives here, I just don't talk to him.

Anyways, besides all that, yesterday was 3 years since D-day. Or diagnosis day. Or the start of Jacobs fight. Whatever you prefer. It was also Rich's birthday, but I also forgot about that. Not really. He got a Colin the Caterpillar cake of course. This year is the first year it hasn't gotten me down. I thought about it of course and still remember it like it was yesterday. But  I didn't sit moping about it. I normally feel really anxious leading up to it, apparently it's quite normal. But it was lot less this time. Just seeing Jacob now, a crazy three year old is so different to what I thought he'd be like now. I really wish the me then could have come and met the me now. But then it wouldn't have been so much of a journey would it?! 

Jacobs had two check ups since the last blog. His vision is slowly improving. The IAC has left behind alot of damage and they've seen slight improvement each time. His retina has finally reattached but we are just playing the waiting game on the vision. He can see around two metres in front now which has dramatically improved from the 20 centimetres he could see 2 months ago. He does brilliantly at home and is slowly starting to be able to point things out in books again. He still doesn't manage depth or change in surface well. So steps, kerbs, shadows. He stops and panics alot. Steps, he tries to sit down and shimmy down them. He did this on the underground last week and I absolutely went into meltdown over the germs. He has to be carried alot in new or unfamiliar places too. It could improve, it could not. He's still not fussed over his iPad, and he only likes things on TV that he has seen a hundred times before. Which is Peppa Pig at the moment. I hate the spoilt little brat. I wish one of her little mates would give her a slap.
The good news is that Jacobs tumour is stable still. As tough as the vision thing is, if it means he is finally free of this nasty little disease, then it's worth it.

Jacob starts preschool in September, he will be going four mornings a week. He's moving up from the toddler room! I'm so excited as it will be great routine for him and I know he will love it. He's going to have a key worker all to himself which is brilliant, so I know he will be well looked after. They normally have around 8 children to one adult, but his nursery have got some additional funding for Jacob so he has the best care possible there. I was really upset at the thought of him having "extra help" at first, but at the end of the day, if it alleviates pressure on the nursery and makes Jacob more comfortable then that's fine with me. I wouldn't want him to go anywhere else and I love the girls there and know they'd come to me if they had any questions or there were any problems. I'm also looking forward to spending some time with Alba, just the girls! Jacob isn't really into baby groups anymore and all the ones Jacob was going to at Alba's age, he isn't interested in, so she kind of misses out. So I will definitely be taking her to a few groups. Although I'm sure she will just cling onto me for dear life when approached by a stranger!

We've had some glorious weather here too! Here's a few pics from recently, we've had a few little adventures to the seaside and the Natural History Museum too! Oh and to see Queenie! 

Last day at nursery! 

Hope you've enjoyed this little update. I'd say I'll try and keep these coming regularly, but I can't promise anything. Maybe my kids will start enjoying quiet, still activities soon...

The naughty step.

We have hit the terrible twos. I'm sure of it. Tantrums galore. We originally started the naughty step around a month ago, but Jacob seemed to enjoy it and purposely do things he shouldn't so he could sit on it. Novelty?! Well that wore off after a week. And I hear that the offending child should sit there for same amount of minutes as their age. So we've been doing around 1 and a half to two minutes. Well I sincerely hope he learns quickly because those two minutes feel like two years. We've gone with the stopping crying before being allowed to come off also, but normally after the two minutes and telling Jacob to stop crying, he's normally pretty good. He does seem to be learning slowly. If I say "do you want to go on the naughty step?" He shouts "No!" And tends to stop whatever roguish thing he's doing. Obviously this isnt the case every time. Especially after some chocolate buttons or something nice and e number filled.
A few people have said to me that Jacob can probably sense the changes happening which explains the sudden change in naughty behaviour. To be honest, I'm sure all kids go through this trying phase and I'm just going to deal with it the best I can and my way. And if that doesn't work, then I'll just be a ragged mum of two constantly shouting at my toddler to no avail. But let's hope not!

Jacobs eating has gone a bit up the wall too, he's decided he no longer likes bread or any of its friends. So wraps, crackers, bagels, rolls, none of it is suitable for lunch anymore. He's taken to grazing most of the day but I try to stop him from eating anything from about 3pm so that he eats a full meal at dinner time. He's never been a fan of what I call "oven" dinners, so chicken nuggets, fish fingers etc but he will eat most other things. And the other day he ate a real sausage! Not one of the processed mushy ones in beans or spaghetti, a real sausage! Haha. I was so pleased because he's never really eaten real meat on its own. So ham, roast chicken, mince etc. If it's in something such as a cottage pie, pasta dish or a chilli for example, he will eat it but not a chicken breast or ham sandwich, but that could also be the current bread avoidance too! I hear this I quite common around Jacob's age so let's hope it's a phase.

Jacob seems to be coming along so much with his his speech, it is so funny listening to him ramble on. He says "yeah" now but in a little American accent and it is so cute. And he has finally started to call me Mummy!!! I have been "Char" for forever and I hated it! Now he calls my sister Char Char, which is what my nephew calls me. I cannot believe he will be two in less than three weeks. It's gone so so fast!

The weather has been lovely here for the last couple of weeks, so we've spent most days outside. We also went to feed the lambs at "Pets Corner" which is a little petting zoo near our house. It was lovely, although Jacob did try to kick the little lamb in the head. Everything is "goaaaaall!" at the moment. He is so into football already, Rich is very pleased!!

We went to a new playgroup last week at a church in our town. It was recommended by my friend Fran, so we went along. It was 10-11.30 which is perfect for us as Jacob normally naps around 12.30ish now. They have an hours playtime, then "tidy up time" which Jacob actually participated in, then they have snacks and then finish with singing. It was honestly the nicest playgroup we've been to so will definitely go again.

I have noticed Jacob has developed a bit of a nervous "thing" I guess is what to call it. When people are making a fuss of him, he tends to cover his right (artificial) eye. Its only been the last couple of weeks and he's even doing it to my mum who he sees all the time. We've not made a deal of it as I'm hoping it's just a little thing he is going through, but I am worried that it's because he knows it is different. Rich said he doesn't think so as he is so young, but I'm not sure! We will see how it goes!

I'm going to do a separate pregnancy post I think as its taken me nearly a month to write this one so I'll never get done otherwise. Worst blogger ever!!!!

Playdates and immunisations.

My friend Kayleigh asked if I would look after her little girl Darcie for a few hours on Monday. I jumped at the chance as I absolutely love her and she loves Jacob. They are so cute together. She's two next month so there's about 9 months between them. She looks after Jacob when she's with him, the way she goes upto him and leans over and checks he's okay and offers him his drink is absolutely adorable. Jacob went for his afternoon nap not long after Darcie got here and the whole time she kept asking where he was. She just kept going "Jacob?". She associates him with slides as we go to Wild and Wacky together a lot and Jacob tends to climb up the slide while Darcie is trying to go down. 

My friend Laura was here with Jacobs BFF Jonah, and my sister was also here with Teddy so it was rather chaotic! Luckily the weather was good so they were all playing outside. My neighbours probably think I'm running some back alley crèche. 

Darcie is so well behaved, I knew I wouldn't have any trouble handling her and Jacob together. Makes me think another one of my own will be a piece of cake (yeah right.) I do keep threatening to kidnap Darcie, but her dad John didn't seem too keen on the idea...

Char Char's Nursery. 

Playing house.

Buddies.

Today, we had the first of Jacob's immunisations post chemo. He only had the 8 week ones first time round as he was diagnosed with Rb at 12 weeks and we actually had to cancel his 12 week lot due to his first appointment at the Royal London Hospital. It was then we found out he would be having chemotherapy so we were advised by his consultant not to continue with them. For a couple of reasons, one being that his bloods and immunity will probably be too low and it's too risky to inject him with live viruses. And the second was that the chemo would wipe out any immunity he had anyway so effectively would wipe out the vaccines. We've had to time his injections around his RLH visits too because if he was to get a fever in the week or so before going there, whether it be from teething or a vaccine or a cold, the anaesthetists can refuse to see him and to put him to sleep. And obviously his appointments at RLH are a priority to us so that always came first. Luckily, with the amazing news last week and our four week break, we've been able to fit them in.

He is due to have them all again, so the 8, 12 and 16 week ones and then the one year MMR. The nurse gave me the choice of him having all 5 injections today, then the boosters in a month, or we could spread them out a little bit. I opted for the latter as I didn't want him to have all of them and completely knock him for six. He had the MMR today too which I wasn't expecting. I know there are so many mixed feelings about this vaccine, and Rich and me have spoken about it, but at the end of the day, with everything Jacob has gone through and the fact that if he was to get any of the illnesses, his cancer treatment could be delayed, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted him to have it. Yes, he could easily get over measles but if it delayed his cancer treatment, would it be worth it? Never. 

He was so, so brave. I was so nervous that I asked my sister to come with me. I went with her for Teddy's one year vaccinations and it was absolutely hideous. He was sat on Sophie's lap all happy and laughing at me and then the nurse stuck the needles in and his face absolutely dropped and it was the most heartbreaking little face ever. I can still see it now. So ever since then, I'd always said whenever I had a baby, Sophie could come with me and go through it herself. She'd offered to help pin him if he went mad, but to be honest, after pinning him every other week for when he's put to sleep, I knew I'd be okay. He was easy enough to keep still and the nurse was pretty speedy. He let out a little whimper after the last one but was fine after about ten seconds. I was honestly so shocked, but he's so used to being messed about with and prodded and poked that I don't know why I was surprised he wasn't bothered. So sad really. But he is so strong. Makes mummy look like a big wimp. The nurse at our GP surgery was so lovely, she said how wonderful it was to see Jacob and how well he's doing. He's a little bit of a celebrity down there. Everytime I ring, I get, "oh Jacob! The little boy with the poorly eye?" Yes, that's him. One time we went, and the doctor we saw grabbed some nurses going by and was introducing him to everyone. I've been going to the same surgery my whole life and it's pretty much all the same doctors so it's pretty crazy sometimes. They see so many people everyday, so it's quite touching they remember us. 

Jacob seemed happy enough after, I'd gotten the calpol at the ready just in case. He went down for his nap as normal, happy. But woke up like an angry little monster. Normally after a drink and a snack, he's back to himself. But he did not stop crying, following me around and hanging off my leg. Which was very difficult while I was trying to hang washing out. There was only one thing for it, the washing got left in the basket in a big wet pile and we watched Frozen. 

Rich brought him home a new castle tent for his room for being brave. And I'd only told the nurses earlier that he isn't spoilt. If any of you are reading this, I wasn't lying! Promise! 

I'm expecting a rough night with him, but hopefully he'll sleep well and there will be no fevers in this house! Calpol is like a little godsend to me now as we went so long with Jacob not being able to have it because of the chemo. (It can hide a fever which can be an infection in their Hickman line/port-a-cath) Through teething and colds and coughs, we just had to let him ride it out. It took me so long after his chemo had finished to even give him any calpol or nurofen through fear of a missed infection or something. But as silly as it sounds, I am so grateful for it now. Especially with the teething! 

As I'm finishing writing this, Rich and me are tag teaming trying to settle Jacob, looks like post immunisation grumpiness doesn't like to sleep...

The king of the castle. 

Mummy trying to get in on the action!

Thankyou for reading!x 

Cousins and heatwaves.

After the amazing news on Wednesday, I woke up still smiling Thursday morning. I work Thursdays for a few hours every week. Just so I have some grown up time really. I absolutely hate leaving Jacob, even if it is only for 4 hours. I just love being at home with him. I dread going into work. Once I'm there, I'm fine. There's still a few of the team that were there before I went on mat leave, and it's like old times when I work with them so I feel like me again for a little while. Not mummy Char. Getting out the door for work is always chaos, no matter what time I start. I have always been a bit of a flapper and need to pee ten million times before I leave the house. My mum said when I was a kid, if the house was on fire she's sure I would have to pee before getting out. I like to make sure everything is sorted for Jacob for the day, no matter who is looking after him. It's normally Rich but now and again my sister Sophie will have him. She's got my nephew, Teddy who's 3 so I really love it when she has him because it's more kid time for Jacob. They're hilarious together. We are currently battling "learning to share." When we found out we were having a boy, my brother in law Ross was so excited for Teddy to be getting a little boy cousin. So they'd grow up more like friends. There's 2 years and 2 days between them. We all lived in fear around Teddy's birthday party that I was going to go into labour, but he held off for 3 days. Luckily! I don't think Sophie would have let me live it down if I'd had him on Teddys birthday! We were all a bit nervous when Teddy was to meet Jacob as he had always had all of my attention, and to be honest, I did love to spoil him. I'd get in trouble all the time for buying him presents. It's obviously slowed down since Jacob was born as maternity leave didn't pay quite as well as full time work! Teddy looked so confused when he came to meet Jacob in hospital. And I think it was a little bit tough for him to have to "share" me. But because Jacob is now interacting more, Teddy enjoys him so much. We can leave them to play together now. He really looks after him and I absolutely love it. He knows about Jacobs eye too. We didn't really teach him, but it shows how much kids take in. He used to say "Jacob's eye poorly." And point to him. And if I show him one of Jacobs artificial eyes and ask him what it is, he goes "Jacobs eye!" And then puts it over his own eye. Which he finds absolutely hilarious. I'm really glad they've got each other growing up. And because we see each other so often, they'll probably be more like brothers, causing havoc as little rogue teenagers!!! I'm sure I'll have parents knocking at the door when they're a bit older telling me they've done something or another. I really hope that doesn't happen though!

Teddy & Jacob, Day 5. 💙

Yes, we dress them in matching outfits!

Feeding the duckies. 

Like most parents, I absolutely dread it being this hot. I love it but it just makes normally happy babies turn into miserable, sleepy little bags of grumpiness. And sleep normally goes out the window. It was nearly 35 degrees where we live yesterday. And it was so uncomfortable. Even for a heat fiend like me. I had everything out in the garden, paddling pool, water table, tunnels, slides, the lot. Half of my garden stays shaded for most of the day so Jacob can still enjoy being outside. I'm a bit obsessive with the sun cream though, reapplying his factor 50 every half an hour. Which was a massive fail as it made his eczema flare up like crazy. Excellent parenting choice! Although I'd rather he wasn't at risk of getting burnt. Jacob wasn't too bad in the heat yesterday, although he has a massive fear of his paddling pool. Which is weird as he absolutely loves the bath! Towards the end of the day, the water in his water table was so warm, I turned round to find him trying to climb into it. The kid obviously needs a hot tub! 

I don't know about anyone else, but eating seems to go out the window when it's this hot too. He is normally a brilliant eater, but yesterday it seemed food was not his friend. The only thing he seemed to really want was these "Suckies" yoghurt pouches. I think he ate about 4 by the end of the day! Everything else he fed to the dog. Naturally, I dreaded bedtime. His room was nearly 30 degrees (thanks Gro-Egg!) and he's a very warm baby anyway. Someone said the best thing is a cool bath before bed and put him to bed in just a nappy. So I did this, expecting an extreme kick up once he was in the cot. But no, straight to sleep he went. Thinking it was too good to be true, I clock watched for about 3 hours, no wake ups. He slept through until 5.30am! Could not believe it. He rarely sleeps through anyway, so I really expected a bad night with the heat. Saturday is my lay in day too, Rich gets up with him on a Saturday morning, so today I feel much more refreshed than normal. So I recommend a cool bath, just a nappy and clock watching on a night like last night! Seems to do the trick. (I'm sure I won't be saying this tomorrow morning because it was actually just a coincidence!) It is still so muggy today but I'm hoping Jacob isn't too much of a grump today. He is napping at the moment and after last nights storm, the garden is soaked so it looks like a Frozen marathon is happening today. Again. 

 Homemade hot tub.

Have a good weekend!