It's been a while...

I've started writing about 20 blog posts and never get round to finishing them. So thought I'd better give it another go. New year and all!!

Soooo much has happened since I last wrote. The weather has gone from beautiful heat to bloody freezing! Alba is now an official crawling, jabbering, food throwing little person. Jacob is in nursery for 3 afternoons a week and has developed the attitude of a highly emotional teenager. And I've cut all of my hair off as loads of it fell out anyway. Oh post partum hair loss I love you. Oh, and I turned 30, but no need to talk about that.

Alba is now 7 and a half months old. She started crawling at the beginning of December and has been unstoppable since! I started weaning her quite early as her reflux was awful even with dairy free milk and medicines. It did reduce the amount of sick she was decorating the house and her clothes with so that was great. I changed her back to Aptamil follow on milk around a month ago as she was switched to the second stage dairy free milk and was projectile vomiting whole bottles so something in it didn't agree with her. I am absolutely loving weaning with her. I am a bit more carefree about what she eats compared to how I was with Jacob. Mostly because its sometimes easier for her and Jacob to have the same thing. So she has had nuggets and alphabites waaaaay before Jacob did! Oh and a few chocolate buttons here and there. *insert hands over eyes emoji here* She absolutely loves avocado and cheese which is great. Although I have noticed she's a bit of a lazy eater. I will offer her something and she will just hold her mouth open for me to hold it while she chews as opposed to holding it herself. She has her two bottom teeth already too.

Jacob started nursery in October and he loves it! I really thought I was going to have so much trouble with him going and settling in well. But his nursery are fantastic and he did about 4 weeks worth of settling in sessions which slowly increased in length until he started properly. He does 1-5 three afternoons a week. He is absolutely shattered by the time he gets home but that doesn't stop him waking up at crazy o clock and climbing into our bed! Both babies sleeping is very up and down but that's probably a whole other blog post. Ha. Jacobs speech has come along so much and you can have full conversations with him and there is very rarely something he says that I don't understand. AND...he is wearing PANTS!!! Only in the day and we are still having a fair few accidents but we are certainly getting there. He refused to use the potty at home but did at nursery to which I was obviously like "well we are doing this at home!!" It took a while but one day it just clicked. I did slow down over Christmas as it was obviously very chaotic but when the new year started he asked to wear pants and that was that. He's so tiny though, I had a nightmare finding some to fit him, but luckily Asda start their pants at 12-18 months which fit my little string bean fine.

Christmas was amazing, we stayed at home just us four, which was very calm but with Alba on the move too, I wanted to stay quite chilled out and not have to worry about chasing her around too much or her being trampled by the family. Haha. The kids got absolutely spoiled and I am still trying to find homes for the piles of toys. Very stressful when I hate clutter and mess.  

Two days before Christmas, Jacob had a check up at The Royal London Hospital, and unfortunately his tumour had relapsed again which was absolutely gutting. He had more cryotherapy and a nice sore eye in time for Christmas. He didn't let it hold him back though. He still had an amazing time and was so excited when he woke Christmas morning and "Father Pissmass" had been! We were back at RLH two weeks later and the tumour had responded well so no more treatment was required but the previous treatment had made his retina detach slightly so we are back on Wednesday to check that it's reattached and to hope the tumour has stayed stable. If not, he will be having a radioactive plaque as his next line of treatment as all of the cryotherapy has started damaging his eye and its too risky to carry on as he only has the one. I'll write more about that if it happens. But obviously fingers crossed it doesn't.

I could write and write with everything we've been upto the last six months but I'll be here forever. I plan on writing a bit more regularly again now. Plus Rich keeps shouting at me too as well. So keep popping back!

Here's a few pictures of what we've been upto recently... Although if you follow me on Instagram, you've probably already seen them!

So I thought I'd do this which actually shows how much of a crap blogger I am...the left is August, when I last wrote a blog and the right is now. Growing up so fast!

I say let's not talk about turning 30, but I actually had the most amazing birthday weekend and was thoroughly spoilt.

A few from Christmas: 

Jacob was given tickets for Disney on Ice at the O2. It was absolutely amazing! 

2 years.

Wow the last year has gone quick. Jacob had only just started walking this time last year. I was about to become pregnant. And Jacob was stable. So much has happened and although Jacob is back to having treatment, I know in another year from now things will probably be completely different again. Jacobs check up last week was a tough one again. He was an absolute sobbing wreck when I collected him from recovery after his EUA. The one good thing that happened this time was Jacob had fallen asleep before his turn to go down to theatre as he was second to last this time. He has never been that far down the list so I knew it was going to be hard. As soon as we got in the car in the morning, he was asking for a banana. He has a banana as soon as he gets up every single morning. Then when we got to the hospital, he was asking for juice. We managed to keep him entertained most of the morning with a ball, and we got to see Skylah again, who we met during chemotherapy. So they played together all morning, which was lovely. Jacob dosed off just before he was called to theatre so I carried him down as carefully as I could so he didn't wake. He jumped when they put the mask on him but then went straight back off to sleep. It was so much nicer than the crazed animal climbing all over me session we usually have. Jacobs consultant came to see pretty quick afterwards and explained he needed to give Jacob alot more cryotherapy as there is a little bulge on the tumour and it hadn't responded as well as they'd hoped. Absolutely gutted again, but it's just another bump in our road. It's so awful seeing Jacob in pain. He's older now and just cries so much more and is so much more aware of everything. The nurses could see he was clearly struggling to manage, so they gave him some oralmorph. Which totally wiped him out. He slept for about three hours and we aren't allowed to take him home until he is awake and has eaten and drank something. We ended up getting home around 4.30pm. My sister looked after Alba which was brilliant so Jacob had Rich and me all to himself at the hospital. And it was definitely a two person job this time, I was incapacitated under a sleeping toddler so Rich was my slave haha. I really missed Alba though, I've never left her for that long but she was in good hands! Plus, my nephew adores her so I knew she'd be okay. He constantly says "hello baby girl!" to her. He was devastated when he first met her and she wasn't Spiderman. We'd told him I was having a Spiderman baby and when he saw her he said "Char Char, I thought you were having a Spiderman baby?" I've never felt worse for lying to a child.
The distraction of Teddy meant Jacob wasn't quite so emotional that night or the next day as they came over to keep him entertained. I'm not good enough anymore. Jacob just says "I want to see Teddy!"

 Jacob and Skylah-Mae sightseeing.

Sleepy boy. 

Last week also marked the two year "anniversary" of Jacob's diagnosis. I absolutely dread it. It's also Rich's birthday on the same day, so I spent more time trying to think about that. We made birthday cards for him and I managed to get a painted footprint from Alba! Although Jacob saw this as a pass to paint her himself. I managed to stop him before any paint made it onto her, but stopping him from running around covered head to toe in paint and wielding a pot of red paint proved impossible. So I gave up and let him get on with it. It's washable paint, so I'd deal with it later! Jacob refused to wear clothes for the rest of the day. Another thing I dealt with later.

I've been trying to teach Jacob how to count for a while now but he just is not interested. I've always counted when carrying him down the stairs or if we are out and about, he just does not care for it. He says "1, 2, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6." I'm sure he will get it eventually. I remember helping teach Teddy to count using those foam number mats. But Jacob would rather throw the mats around than count. Any tips?! He has really come along with his speech though which is brilliant. He can say so many things now, asks for his lunch, tells me what he wants, tells me when something's wrong. It makes this parenting thing so much easier! He's due his two year check soon which I'm looking forward to. Our health visitor Claire is amazing and has given me some brilliant advice over the last two years. And she was there on the phone straight away when Alba was born and came round to see us. I rang her so many times in Alba's first few weeks when we were dealing with the reflux/colic issues and she was always one step ahead of me, ready with the prescription for her milk or booking a doctors appointment for her. Alba is due to be weighed this week, I'm so intrigued as to what she weighs now as she was 12lbs5oz 4 weeks ago and she has definitely grown a lot since then. She's officially in 0-3 month clothing which Jacob didn't wear until he was around 6 months. And size 3 nappies! Jacobs only in size 5's! It amazes me how different babies they both are. Both in looks and how they are. Obviously I know it was a different situation with Jacob as he was poorly and had trouble gaining weight but I think he would have been little anyway. I was a total bag of bones until I was about 12. Then the carbs found me. Haha. I've noticed how different Alba is with holding herself and her head up. It must be that extra chunk helping her out! Another big difference, actually HUGE, is Alba sleeps through the night! She has her last bottle normally between 8pm & 9pm and then sleeps until around 6. Not every night is like this and she has had a few where she's woken up and wanted feeding, but this is absolutely amazing regardless. I think every mum will agree that you don't ever feel like you will get a full nights sleep again when you've had a baby, but hopefully soon these nighttime wake up calls will be a thing of the past!

A few pics of what we've been up to recently...

We went to a couple of fun days in our local park with Jacobs friend Darcie. (Her mum is actually one of my friends but I don't think that counts after the kids are friends...haha.) 

 Not a great photo, but this was the red paint fiasco...

 Big girl napping in her cot. (Which Rich finally built after me nagging for 3 weeks!)

 Chalk and Cheese. How cool is Jacob's T-shirt?! Its from Next.

Cheeky chops.

Getting the hang of it...

I'm going to regret saying this, but I think I'm finally getting to grips with two babies. Obviously, we still have our tough moments, well, tough days. But I finally look forward to getting up and spending the day with my little offspring. Alba seems much more settled, although she is still being sick for England. Jacob wasn't a sicky baby at all, I think he was only ever sick about 3 times and they were during chemotherapy. Alba, however, likes to be sick ALOT. And it comes out of her nose nearly every time. And her little face when she panics about it breaks my heart. My mum tells me I was exactly the same, every single time I was sick. As a child with a sickness bug, she would have to hold my head in the toilet otherwise it was like the fountains at the Bellagio in Vegas. I would decorate everywhere with sick. And to be completely honest, I'm still terrible now. I absolutely freak out every time I'm sick and cry like a baby. Which is why I have so much sympathy for my little doll. She seems happy enough otherwise though, which is brilliant. She sleeps so well at night and has slowly started to go longer between her bedtime bottle and night feed. So hopefully she will drop it soon enough and sleep through! Which would be AMAZING as Jacob didn't sleep through until Alba was born, which is weird. But I'll take it!

 Co-sleeping. Again. 

Night Monkey Day Monkey is by far my most favourite book of Jacob's at the moment. 

Today was a day of achievements for me, I braved going into town with both children by myself. We never bought a double pram as they're so huge and Jacob likes to walk alot anyway. Instead we got a buggyboard for Alba's pram. They're brilliant! Jacob thinks it's a ride so is happy stand on it when we go out. He does get off and walk a bit, but I bought reins for him so I don't have to leave the pram in the middle of the street to chase him if he tries to run away. I know a lot of people don't like kids wearing reins, but when you have a boisterous little boy like mine, they're necessary. I actually had a girl of about twelve point to Jacob and say to her little friend (in the most chavtastic voice) "I think that's disgusting!" She had to settle with a glare and me asking her "what did you say?!" as she was only 12. Had she been older I may have ran her over with the pram. Her friend then tried to fix it by saying "oh no he looks cute!!!" Damage done my friend. Yet another reason to dislike the youth of today. So, we managed to get round the whole town centre, actually go in about five shops, browse, queue and purchase things and then get home without any hiccups. I felt so pleased with not only myself, but so pleased with Jacob for behaving the whole time. The first time I went on my own, I ended up calling Rich to come and save me in Asda as I was on the brink of a meltdown.
Second achievement of the day; both babies are napping at the same time. I'm sure any parent of two little sleep stealers know how amazing this feels. So, I've taken the opportunity to write this, and to drink a HOT cup of tea. Most of the time, my tea is of a dodgy, lukewarm temperature. Or just cold. So a nice hot cup is just fabulous.
And the final achievement of the day; we went out to dinner! With the kids! It's my brother's birthday so we all went to dinner, which was lovely. I fed Jacob before we left as he normally has dinner around 5.30 and we wasn't going out until 6.30, plus, I knew he wouldn't eat out as they have a play area where we were going so getting him to sit still would be troublesome. But Rich and me both managed to eat our dinner without running for a muslin, or chasing Jacob back to the table, or chasing the dog out of the room so Jacob doesn't throw all of his food at him! It was bloody lovely! I even had a glass of wine. As Charlie Sheen would say, winning!

Jacob was so emotional on Thursday after his hospital appointment. Every little thing made him cry, and his eye was so sore and swollen, it looked like he'd been punched. It's gone down now, but getting him to have his eye drops was an absolute nightmare. I have never tried to bribe a child so much in my life. 

Bribery has been a theme of the last week, after the news that Jacob hasn't gained weight in about six months, I've been experimenting in kitchen a bit more. And trying to get him to eat more foods. More meals mainly. I've been adding cream to mash, cheese to pasta dishes, cream to scrambled eggs. Some of it works, some of it doesn't. Which is where I start bribing. Mainly with these Peppa Pig chocolate lollies that he is obsessed with. But it doesn't work. We've been good though, despite the total meltdowns, he doesn't get the lolly if he doesn't eat his dinner. As he is still young, I don't leave him to go hungry of course. Although I have been told he is old enough to not get  anything else if he doesn't eat dinner. I won't let him go to bed hungry, so he can still have fruit and yogurt for desert. Just no naughty treats.
I made cheese and broccoli savoury muffins yesterday. Silly me thought that because they looked like cakes, he would eat them. So when Jacob asked for "cakey", I took the opportunity and gave him one of the muffins I'd slaved over. He looked at it, licked it, then looked at me and said "No mummy, cakey!" Handing it back to me. Fail. The kid isn't silly. To be honest, I am so unbelievably crap at baking, (I actually forgot to put the milk in the muffin mix, but they still looked okay so served them up anyway.) So I'm not surprised he didn't want them. Next time!

A bump in the road...

Jacob had his check up at the Royal London Hospital today. As the title says, it wasn't as positive as we hoped. He was first down to theatre and gone a bit longer than usual so I had a feeling he would be having treatment. He was totally inconsolable when I collected him from recovery and was this way for around half an hour. Normally he's quite settled, has a drink then inhales his ten million different foods. He came back from theatre around 9.30 and didn't eat or drink a thing until nearly 12. Definitely not like him.
Mr Sagoo, Jacob's consultant didn't come to give us the results until about 12.30 which is the longest we've had go wait for a while! And even though I suspected it, when he said the tumour in Jacobs left eye has become active again on one side, I just cried. Except this time Jacob knew I was upset, it's been a year since he had treatment and before that it was so run of the mill that I didn't really get upset as we were so used to it with our two weekly visits! We were absolutely gutted. I knew it would probably happen at some point but it still doesn't make it any easier. Jacob had cryotherapy which freezes the cancer cells, he will probably have 2/3 rounds of this every 3 weeks for the next couple of visits. So we are back to 3 weekly trips as opposed to 3 monthly! His consultant thinks that the cryo should get it back under control but it will probably be quite a while before we have a nice gap between appointments again! Jacobs eye is quite puffy and sore and he was very quiet last night. He woke sobbing around 10pm so he came into our bed. I've become a complete serial co sleeper. Oh well! They're only little for a short time!
We finally got to see one of the families we met while Jacob was going through chemo yesterday. Skylah is a little girl who is just four days younger than Jacob and they were diagnosed around the same time and we got to know each other as they had chemo together. That's a story for when they're older! But we haven't seen each other since before I was pregnant so it was lovely to catch up. She is still having regular treatment but is a total superstar. She reminded me so much of Jacob, the way she just gets on with it. They're back at the hospital in 3 weeks too so am looking forward to seeing them again. Although Jacob clung to me for dear life and didn't want to play, so hopefully he will be a bit more cooperative next time!

We also discovered that Jacob hasn't put any weight on in around 6 months, he isn't worryingly underweight but he should still be putting it on. Alot of it is probably how active he is, and he's never been a meal eater as such, more of a grazer. But the kid certainly eats ALOT. So we've been told to fatten everything up! Cheese, cream in mashed potato, white bread and pasta. More calorific foods. You can't win! He eats so well and has always eaten lots of fruit and veg and he isn't really a fan of naughty dinners such as chicken nuggets and chips so I've got to start trying to fatten him up! Well not fatten, but ensure he is getting enough calories! I'll be putting cheese on everything!!!

 Sleepy boy!

His little post theatre setup with all of his favourte foods.

Jacob is due some eye drops, so I'm off for a battle with him! Thanks for reading! :)

Two kids is tough!

Like the title says...oh my goodness. My biggest fear when Alba was born was that she would get reflux. Jacob had it and it was absolutely horrendous. He ended up on lactose free milk and about four different medicines. I remember spending hours pacing the garden in a bid to get him to stop crying and to sleep. So, when Alba was born, I bought anti reflux bottles and a sleep positioner that keeps the baby at a slight angle. I also made sure I kept her upright when feeding and for a while after. But the reflux god had other plans. After what I originally thought was colic, a horrendous red rash, violent hiccups, sneezing like crazy after feeds and more sick than I have ever seen (out of her nose and everything!) set the alarm bells ringing. A little visit from the health visitor confirmed it all. Alba has reflux and a big fat milk allergy. Fancy bottles be damned. They don't prevent a thing! For the last two weeks, I've spent most evenings, actually most of the day alternating between crying and wanting to scream. Alba literally could not be put down until about two days ago. Literally, if I even motioned to put her down, she started this horrendous screaming like someone was yanking her limbs off. It took me hours to get ready, and I spent the best part of the morning jumping in and out of the shower, running around in my underwear or sitting on the bed crying because I literally couldn't stop holding/rocking her for more than 30 seconds. I actually started to get up before the kids woke so I could get ready for the day. Everyone would say "don't worry! Stay in your PJ's!" But I can't do that, I never have been able to. I have to get up and get ready for the day. And I have never been one to ask for help. But I definitely needed it the last two weeks. My sister has been brilliant. Coming over after dropping Teddy at school so I can get things done. Needless to say, my house looked like something off of Kim and Aggy for a while there. Alba was given a prescription for lactose free milk on Thursday and since then she has slowly gotten better. She even fell asleep in her Moses basket by herself yesterday afternoon! I had to take a photo and send it to my Mum who is on holiday because I was so excited. Hopefully the stinky lactose free milk is the answer to our troubles!
Needless to say, Jacob has had a lot of TV and iPad time during the last couple of weeks. I have honestly felt like the worst mother in the world to him. All he has heard between Alba's cries is "in a minute". During the odd time that Alba has slept for more than ten minutes, I have done my best to give him all of my attention. Everyone says "he won't remember!" which is fine, but I will. We are slowly getting back into a routine and Alba has started to sleep for longer stretches in the night. Jacob didn't sleep through and had a bottle in the night until he was about 14 months, so I'm seeing it as a bonus if she sleeps through anytime in the next 12 months!

Alba has started smiling which has been lovely! Not very much I might add, but it's crazy how one little gummy smile can make you feel better when you feel like hiding in the bathroom with the door locked! 

A few photos from the last few weeks...

We went fruit picking at a farm near my sisters house, it was so lovely! Definitely recommend it. I had never been which was mortifying to Rich as he used to always go as a kid.

Jacob had his six month oncology checkup at Great Ormond Street last month, he's doing really well and now doesn't have to go back for a year! We still have to go to The Royal London regularly and we are there this Wednesday. Jacob has now been stable for a year which is amazing! Obviously this can change at any time but hopefully not! We got the train for the first time, I thought Jacob would love it, but he clung to Rich and me for dear life. I HATE the tube, I just get so travel sick and hate the millions of people and shoving around. Basically, I'm a wimp. He was a bit braver on the way home and had a little look out of the window. As soon as we got off, he was asking to go back on. Typcal!

Three becomes four...

Well five if you include the dog...

Alba Maxwell Wright arrived 6 days late on Thursday June 4th at 10.57am. She weighed a nice 8lbs 9 and a half ounces. Exactly one pound more than her big brother. And I'm pretty sure that whole extra pound was in her cheeks. 

I had started to get pretty fed up by the time I'd reached 40 weeks. Well pretty fed up is an understatement, I was extremely pissed off. Jacob was a day early and apparently subsequent babies arrive earlier. I now do not believe any of these old wives tales. None of them. I did everything to get this baby out. She was having none of it. So when I woke up at 4.30am on that Thursday with what I was certain was contractions, you'd think I'd have been overjoyed. Except the reality of having another baby hit me and I started freaking out. I was worried I wouldn't actually know I was in labour as I was so uncomfortable and in pain for the last few weeks, but my god, when it starts for real, you know. It all came crashing back. By 6am my contractions has sped up to every 3-5 minutes so my sister got her nice wake up call to come and collect Jacob and we went off to the hospital. Four and a half hours later, our last piece to our family puzzle arrived. And she is perfect. 

Labour this time round was a lot more painful and as she was in a rush to get out, I only had gas and air for the pain. Although I begged for an epidural! Alba needed her lungs inflated and oxygen when she was born which was very scary and after the longest two minutes of my whole life, she screamed the place down. And hasn't stopped since! It is amazing how different two babies can be. Jacob wasn't a very clingy baby at all, hardly ever wanted feeding, I remember if I stopped feeding to wind him, he would refuse to take anymore so it was a total challenge to see how much milk he would take before it was absolutely necessary to wind him. Alba however loves mummy cuddles, which is lovely, but also very challenging with a two year old fighting for attention too! She also loves her milk! She had actually gained weight at her five day check, and has been stuffing her face since. It's good to know she's doing well though. She was also tested for the cancer gene which Jacob carries and she got the all clear! Which is amazing. If there was even a 1% chance she had it, she would need screening under general anaesthetic for the first few years of her life. So to say we were over the moon would be an understatement. The doctor who called with the results must have wondered what was going on as I was absolutely hysterical on the phone. I'd blame it on the hormones, but I'm pretty sure I'd have been the same with or without them!

Jacob also turned two while I've been neglecting this blog! He has changed so much in the last month. There are new words coming out of his mouth almost daily, and it is so nice to be able to get answers from him when I ask questions. Although if I ask what he wants for lunch, the answer is always "cakey". Someone has developed a major sweet tooth recently and also become a bit slack with teeth brushing. Not a good combination. He has some time on the naughty step most evenings now when it comes to brushing his teeth. But we get there in the end! Alot of his naughty habits have come around in the last few weeks since Alba arrived, which I completely expected so I have allowed a little bit more breathing space than normal as I am sure it is an unbelievably unsettling time for him. He is an amazing big brother though which makes up for a lot of it. He is so good with her, although we've had a few instances where he has tried to feed her his breakfast. Again, expected.

Rich went back to work yesterday, so it's just me and the babies, and we are now most of the way through Tuesday and we are all still here. So that's a good sign to me! I'm sure it will be a different story by Thursday!

A few things I've learnt in the 19 days of being a mother of a newborn and a toddler..

• When the toddler naps, the baby is guaranteed to cry and wake said toddler up, and vice versa. They're a scheming duo.

• You will feel like you spend your whole day changing nappies.

• A shower is a total luxury, a bath is like winning the lottery.

• You will eat more biscuits and drink more tea than your body knows how to deal with.

• The tiredness isn't any easier second time round. If anything, it's tougher. I've actually drank Red Bull in a bid to stay awake.

• Your washing machine is never empty, and most of the time you will leave a wash in there for two days and end up washing it another 3 times before remembering to hang it on the line.

• Your toddler now gets to play with anything they want while you feed the baby. Including the dog poo you didn't pick up from the garden. (This actually happened today.)

• Your toddler now gets to eat a lot more crap than usual, and play on their iPad a lot more than usual. Despite me swearing this wouldn't happen.

• You'll surprise yourself at the things you can do with one hand. I actually learnt this the first time round but the list gets longer the second time, such as change a toddlers nappy.

• The feeling you get when you catch your usually rogue toddler stroking his little sisters head is indescribable.

• The same as when both babies are curled up on you on the sofa.

I was scared that I wouldn't love her as much as Jacob and didn't know how it would be possible, but my friend said something her mum told her, "you just have more love" Even if you didn't think it was possible, it is. And I genuinely couldn't imagine life without her now. Even when she is screaming the house down and waking Jacob up at 3am. But please do me a favour, if you see me in the street, don't tell me how much of a mess I look, or be offended if I cant remember your name. I just about remember my own.